who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!! (shouting out loud!)

I saw an episode of Spongebob during the killer exam week (of note: last week) at lunchtime. This time Plankton is back to the Krusty Krab to continue his mission of stealing the secret ingredients of Krabby Patty! Cut the story short, as usual mission unaccomplished and he returned to his Chum Bucket restaurant crying his failure and envying Mr Krab's fabulous and successful life.

Things don't just stop there, he decided to use one of his latest inventions of body switching machine to swap his misery life with no one else but his most envious Mr Krabs! So he did, and woke up in his dream life as the manager of Krusty Krab. But yeah, life is a one big mysterious ocean, you'll never know what you're gonna get - he started to realize that Mr Krab's life (now his life) isn't as good as he thought it'd be. Not only that he had to bear with Spongebob's erratic questions on every ordeal, the daughter Pearl (a shark) who's zillionth time bigger than he is who's by just walking into the restaurant threw him bouncing up in the air, but now he has to save his tasty secret recipes of Krabby Patty from being stolen by his big-red naked enemy from across the road - Krabs!!

Fav quotes at this time -

Mr. Plankton: He's back!!
Spongebob: Yeah! But the worst part of it is - (Krabs jumps down behind Mr. Plankton)
Mr. Plankton: Good grief he's NAKED!!!

Heu heu..

The fights began and once again Spongebob saved the day, this time by catching Krabs using his cannon clothes. Krabs, failed to steal the formula walked back to the Chum Bucket while promising out loud that he's gonna be back the day after, and the day after, and the day after.. to keep trying to steal the formula. Mr Plankton, now freaking out, realized that everything was just not worth it, stripped his shirt off and pressed the button on the belt to switch back to his old life. He woke up in his ordinary life as the ordinary Plankton, and ate his wife's (Karen the computer) hologram dinner on the dinner table happily...

The End.

Moral:

As human we can't escape from having the feelings of dissatisfactions of what we have, and look on what others have as things far greater than our's and envy their lives so much. The odd thoughts of, "If only I have that kinda money.." and "I wish I have that skin.." or "Why do I have to be like me and not like him/her?" linger around the minds dampening the self-esteems and without being realized turning us into a bunch of ungrateful people, or at worst, putting the blame on God for our poor destinies. (nauzubillahi min dzaalik..)

Maybe we should just take a moment and think; about other people in the world who don't even have the money to buy rice to eat, or the people whose skin has burnt and crippled beyond repair, or the people who have just few more months to live from some terminal diseases - aren't we all far better the way we are than these people?

Thus for once and for all, let us all be grateful for what we have. The grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence as we thought it'd be..

of dermatomyositis and ulat cikgu

I can't believe I survived the past 3 days in one piece.

The written papers were pure 2 and 1/2 hours of torture (and times 2), MCQs weren't that easy either. Somehow I saw the shiny forehead of Prof Bukit glistening with his bright smiles (and gray teeth) saying a big fat "in your face, students!" while I was trying my best to search somewhere in my brain the answers for some very random questions he put in the papers. I am now leaving my fate in God's hands, I tried my best that's what I'm holding on to now.

First lesson of the day is on dermatomyositis. That's the CXR up there and here is the article. Wish me the best of luck for data OSCE tomorrow.

After the last written paper

If there's any resemblance in all of us it'd be the eyes.

I used to have a partial nanny when I was in Standard 2 and 3 in a primary school in Terengganu. My mum who was at that time still a teacher went to work in the morning and in those years I had the afternoon sessions or we call it sekolah petang, so nobody was there to look after me in the morning till afternoon before school. So my mum left me at this Makcik, who we simply called Mokcik, the Terengganu way he he.

I remember I loved her wooden house so much, me and few other kids from the neighbourhood whom she looked after too used to go under the house and play cari ulat cikgu. It's like this. You take a strand of your long hair and tie a big red ant at the end of it. We always used a kerengga, as they're easy to find. Then you go to the tiny sand hills under the house, well if you're familiar with a wooden house built on gray dusky sands (like the ones near the beach), you should know that they've got these little hills made of those sands under the house. And yep, it's the ulat cikgu that built the little hills and they live in them. Got the idea? Nevermind if you don't. So you simply put the ant on top of the hill and it will crawl inside and voila - catches one of the ulat cikgu. Hahaha pure joy..

Then Mokcik, realizing our disappearance, will usually look for us and shout out loud in her high-pitched old woman style, "Buak mende tu? Maghi sini makang mokcik masok puluk kelapa same ikang masing.." (laughing, I failed at my terannu kite dialect though lived there for 12 years)

Today the thought of her crossed my mind while I was reading stuff. How is she doing? I mean is she still alive? I really hope she is, and well too. I haven't been back to Dungun for 7 years now, last time I went there she looked so aged. I wish for her good health and wealth, thanking her for the sweet childhood that I had..

it ain't easy

I am at the lowest point of insecurity I can ever be. I've been trying my best to tell myself that everything's gonna be OK, but I know it's not easy to lie to the heart, alas a very insecure one. I've been constantly reading to the point where everything just fly through and nothing makes sense anymore. It's really hard, and amusing at one point. If you wanna experience how it feels like being doped - without the actual drugs - try doing a constant reading for more than 15 hours. At the end you'll feel that your head expands triple the size, pulsating hard, and straight lines became all swirly and jiggy. It's an impulse to finish the big bars of chocolate each time the worrisome thoughts crossed over the mind. The territories of dark circles under the eyes had gone bigger too, and my inner cheeks now have huge blisters - I think I grind my cheeks in my sleep. Please don't feel discouraged any of you who's considering medicine as a future career, i'Allah we'll make enough money to buy those posh products to do the corrections later. Hah, kidding~

On top of everything, the best part of going through this is realizing how hopeless and helpless I am without the love of Allah SWT. If I were guaranteed the kind of results I want, I know I wouldn't be as much dependent as I am to Him now. I started to realize the things that I did all my life, and things that I didn't do, and prayed hard that He'd have mercy and forgive me for everything. It's true that hardship makes you become closer to your Creator, and I'm hoping that I'll always do, be it in ease or difficulty.

The next 3 weeks will be few of the most intricate weeks of my life. I pray that I'll survive this unbroken.

I need your prayers and supports I really do.

of wanting to be more than ordinary

I've been doing a lot of deep thinking lately. Well, on top of trying to dig in stuff for the exams and fitting in EVERYTHING up there in a short period of time that is.

These flights of ideas - if you learn psychiatry this is the term when your mind cannot stick to one thing at one time, instead your thoughts jump from one topic to another in a matter of seconds. One time it was Coeliac disease and the next I was scratching my head trying to remember the doses of Lisinopril and Metoprolol for heart failure, then the urge came to Google back the mode of actions for Dapsone and Colchicine I looked at in the afternoon - which two aren't really related in any way at all.

Then it was time when the heart just flooded with sappy feelings of being in the airport arriving home and the next hating the thoughts of being at the same place leaving home to come here. For once I drowned in my own racing thoughts - the Malays and the NEP conundrums, the Islamic states and revival of the Caliphs, medicine and charity for da'wah, working life and doing more for the religion and the nation, the family moments that I've missed, the future family, the future if there's any, the EXAM, the cat that needs to be fed -- I stumbled in my own limited cognitions, then humbly offered prayers to the Lord The Almighty for the future uncertainties.

For this occasion, I hereby would like to ask for your forgiveness for anything that I did wrong before, intentionally or not. Please do reach me by all means if there's anything that I need to settle with you. I'm truely indebted for the supports given all these while, and please don't stop sending those prayers and beautiful thoughts. The very best of luck to all friends who's sitting for the exams too, let's pray that we'll make our way through this one fine. It has been such a rollercoster ride and ow I'm such a softy I know..

The people need us..

Kampong Cham, Summer 2006
IMAMUKEIRE Cambodia Relief Mission

Till after the exam.

Random-ness

It's very annoying how emotionally labile one can turn to be approaching the exams. It is tempting to blog the rubbish out when the lows hit. It is nervewrecking to imagine the unwanted circumstances and whatnots. And it's mentally-draining to keep going back and forth, reheasing what's afraid lost when neglected for a while.

1. Name one person who made you smile today. I haven't smiled today, pathethic.

2. What were you doing at 8:00 this morning? On the bed in denial that I'm not on holidays.

3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago? Makan pizza.

4. What is something that happened to you in 2007? Where do u want me to start?

5. What was the last thing you said aloud? "Taknak.." jump to no.28

6. How many different things did you drink today? Teh-O, Kopi-O (susu habis tapi sume malas nak keluar g beli)

7. What color is your hairbrush? Blue, Green, Orange, ada kot lagi yg jatuh bwh katil tu.

8. What was the last thing you bought? Ayam @ Spiceland

9. What was the last gift you received for your birthday? Last? Hmm, can't recall.

10. What color is your front door? White, eh it's John's front door..aku sewa aja..

11. Where do you keep your change? Oh what a silly question (mildly irritated - emotionally labile)

12. What was the weather like today? Crazy - 15 degrees but cold in my room.

13. What is the best ice cream flavor? Refer prev entry.

14. What is something you are excited about? Waiting for that person to masuk meminang then happily married, acah je..excited about the exam! Ho ho ho (mania)

15. When was the last rainbow you saw? In Kilkenny, such a beauty

16. What size shoe do you wear? I just don't get how does this question signify the whole survey?? (I mean I don't get how the whole survey is any significant anyway)

18. Are you very random? Very

19. Do you want to cut your hair? Why don't I want to cut my hair??!! (agitated)

26. Are you ticklish? Why? U trying to be funny? (provoked)

27. Are you typically a jealous person? Hell yeah, oh wait - sometimes.. (in doubt)

28. What was the last thing someone said to you? "Habiskan pizza ni"- housemate, "Taknak.."- me, ada lagi one slice sapa nak g la makan kat dapur..

29. What did the last text message you received say? "OK sweetie, whatever suits u"- Maryam

32. Do you chew on your straws? Hmm (chewing my nails)

33. Do you have curly hair? Curly macam curly fries tu ke? I wish I do - the pasta fussili spring curls..

34. What is the next concert you're going to? I don't do the "in" things people do nowadays.

35. Who is the shi**est person in your life? U don't wanna know

36. How many times have you swore today? Ape ni, good girl don't swear laa..

37. What is something you say a lot? For the moment: Steroids - IV Hydrocortisone 100mg, PO Prednisolone 30mg/24hrs then taper down

38. What is the last thing you ate? Try to pay some attentions, it was a PIZZA, do u have ADHD or what?

39. Have you seen the movie "Donnie Darko"? Tried, bad movie not my type.

40. Do you have work tomorrow? I work 24-7 even in my sleep.

41. Is marriage in your future? InshaAllah

42. When was the last time you said "I love you"? Yesterday

43. What should you be doing right now? Bitch-slap u? Wasting my time..

44. Do you have a nickname? Few, this blog is also one of em

45. Are you a heavy sleeper? Heavy? >10hours? He he. 6-8 hours will do.

46. What is the best movie(s) you've seen in the past two weeks? Been socially challenged since entering final year, so NO is the answer, and that's for the past 6 months or so.

47. Is there anyone you like right now? *Blush* OK chick-lit loser, NA-AH (I even hate the state of myself now)

48. When was the last time you cook the dishes? Oo ayam lomak cili padi yg termasin sikit- orang kata kalau masak masin ni nak kawen, padahal..

49. Are you currently depressed? Very (downslanting eyes & mouth, negativity, etc)

50. Did you cry today? Not yet

Well, congratulations. You just spent the whole 5 minutes reading my nonsense blogging rampages.

Such a lovely day Masha Allah!

Makes me wanna dump the books, go outside and enjoy the sun in my shades while eating the all-time-favourite Solero Exotic passionfruit & mango ice cream (now it's only 99Cal per pack!! heu heu). Too bad, I know I can't..

It's literally 8 days towards the day of the exam, literally I said, as that first 2 OSCE Communication Skills Stations in 8 days are said to be just a 2 all-you-gotta-do-is-be-nice-to-patients stations, verbatim from Prof Bukit (let's see whether somebody's gonna keep his promise or not). So figuratively it's 15 days more before the written papers commenced (oh you guys must be laughing at me for my lame tricks to buy myself some extra times, but it does work a bit anyway isn't it?)

On another note, I was pondering on how it's so amazing that people and things around you can give such a huge impact on your life. The sunshines on your window, the cat that came purring for milk, the favourite song on the radio, the thought of the loved ones, the nice sips of cafe-au-lait in your coffee cup, the favourite noodle cooked by the best housemate, the visit from the good friend; sometimes it's astonishing to realize these small things that usually bypass the day unacknowledged would brighten up your mood and spread your gratitudes towards Al-Khaliq, Allah SWT who's without His love you wouldn't be able to breathe the freshen air on this earth, what more to be able to feel what you're feeling now. It's hard to express it all in words, if I can pick a line from a song it'd be "Open up the dirty window, let the sun illuminate the words that you cannot find.. (Natasha Bedingfield)"

I am the person who's very much easily adorned by the positive energy projected by the people I meet. In my last revision class I was again left fully inspired by the great doctors and physicians whose wisdoms soared the spirits up and concreted my decision to be on this path; that this is what I want to do in life - to be inspired and later aspire people in return. Keeping this seems so subjective goal as one thing, I know another more important thing to keep in mind is that it's not just impressing the people that matters, coz the ultimate goal of a Muslim should be to seek Allah's compassions and love for life herein and hereafter.

As for the moment I'm thankful for all the great people I've met out there (whoever you are) who have managed to push my green buttons on the day our paths crossed. Thanks for brightening up my days and making me feel like life is so worth striving for~

You know the exam is near when..

• the moment you wake up in the morning you've already started planning what time you're gonna sleep next
• if you have to choose between eat and sleep, it's sleep definitely
• your regular meal is almost always a packet of crisps with a cup of coffee
• money has no value over time; you do your groceries at the nearest convenient shop which sells things triple the price in Aldi, Tesco & Dunnes Stores
• money has no value over happiness; you are ready to swipe your approaching-the-limit student's credit card for a little happiness over retail therapy
• you realized after the exam finishes you're gonna regret every single thing you've bought using your credit card but you don't give a damn about it, at least for now
• you craved for the most impossible food such as your mum's nasi lemak sambal sotong with sayur kangkung and started crying when you think about it
• you have chipped lips and they hurt so damn much; you don't care that you walk with your lips sexily pouted and shiny all applied in petroleum jelly
• you don't get your friend's typical conspicuous pranks and take things very seriously; made yourself more susceptible to fall into lame April fool jokes
• you have vasomotor rhinitis and started hating yourself for it
• you developed OCD over flossing after meals, dusts and hand washings
• you have nightmares and cry in your sleep

Thank God for the friends that help keeping the mind sane and functioning.