the room is in utter mess but I don't care, coz it's weeeekeeeennd!!

What would you do if your SHO told you that "You were in my dream last night. I told you that - You're nice. I think I even said it out loud in my sleep."

Do you;

a) keeping the cool, and ask back, "What was I doing at that time?" ---- sizzling!
b) stare down to your scrambled eggs and beans, pretending you didn't hear what he said
c) laugh out loud like a mad person
d) cough as if you've choked your beans and run to get the water and never come back


Ha ha just to heat this place a bit. Nayyy..I'm just elated that it's weekend!!

Oh sweeeeeeeeettt weeeeekennnnddddddddd.......

On another note, I began to realize the satisfaction of work that came from seeing how happy your patients are to leave the hospital in full good form. They thank you like you've really changed their lives (although you know you're only involved a tiny bit in the whole treatment process). They kissed your cheek and expressed how pleasant they are having to meet you, they gave you chocolates as their token of appreciations, and they promised that they'll see you again soon, not in the hospital hopefully.

For those, really lifted the heavy burden of long hours of working.

Happy weekend peeps!

akhirnya dapat ku pulang sebelum pukul 8

I've been working solid hours 8AM-9PM for the past few days. It's killing me slowly (and I'd definitely claim the extra hours without a doubt!). It's so happened that this month I'm covering the ward for daily admissions, so on top of doing the work for my team I'm also doing admissions for the patients who came to the ward for any procedures the next day. And being me (slow), I tend not to rush things around, take my little chats with the patients and end up going home late. Padan lah muka kan!

The SHO has been very sweet, asking me to go home at 5PM and leave the late admissions to the interns on-call. Today he even dragged me out of the ward and chased me away. I walked back in anyway. He accused me of being workaholic. I wish I am though. I'm just slow, and it'll be soon for him to realize that. But don't you just hate sweet-talkers with cute face? I'll be reminding myself before I go to bed at night that he has a girlfriend already, and that I am a good Muslim (trying to be) and as my patient was saying the other day, "This is no Grey's Anatomy..". He he. Well I probably won't have to do that as it'll be only few seconds after I put my head onto the pillow that I'd go completely unconscious anyway.

The first deadly on-call was last Sunday. It was deadly indeed! Nobody died under my care don't worry. It's just that I was never so exhausted in my life. From early morning I was running up and down the wards trying to settle the list of jobs that seemed to be expanding every minute. If my bleep could talk I'm sure it'll be cursing all the way.

Starting 9AM, I only got my 30 minutes rest for prayers and lunch/dinner at 6PM, interrupted with bleeps as usual (somehow they just loooove my number), and continued working till 3AM at night. By then my mind was going haywire, I was so grumpy I swear I was so close to kick the next person's calling me for jobs' ass. I mean I understand we are all concern about the patients and they're our first priorities. It's just that when you're darn tired and you know you have to wake up at 6AM for your early morning bloods and you only got to sleep at nearly 4AM, how could you not feel like eating human flesh when you've got a bleep in the middle of your restricted sleep to go up to the ward to do an ECG on a patient who's asleep, no chest pain, but just that IN CASE he'd have one coz he has a previous heart attack years ago and the nurses thought that you might wanna check that, just IN CASE, at 5 in the morning!!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaarghhhhhhh, retardddddddddddddddddddsss!!!!

I didn't go up don't worry.

Few calls after that one to resite an IV cannula on this patient who apparently was well, been eating and no problem swallowing, just that the team who looked after him put him on 24 hours slow fluid to maintain hydration. The nurse said something like this when I asked questions about the condition of the patient over the phone, "Oh, it's the protocol that if the IV cannula is out that the intern has to come up and resite it. If you don't want to and if something happens to the patient then you'll take the full responsibilities!"

Anootherrrr retarddddd....

No one will die from not having a slow infusion of fluid for the next 2 hours of his/her life, well definitely not this patient anyway!

Did I yell at her back? Of course not (she yelled at me over the phone). Instead I just calmly said that I will take the full responsibilities and I will go up at 6 to do the IV line when I do the bloods later. When I did go there, I could feel flames coming out from my ears upon seeing the patient was happily singing in the bathroom while taking his shower, apparently not dead as the nurse would picture earlier. I gave the nurse my 'jelingan berbisa' before leaving the ward.

Again, I could understand it's their jobs to fix things in the ward, but please be considerate over things that are not emergency. The doctors need their sleep, we have to continue working the next day for another 12 hours before we can rest again. So, again, please be considerate. You're saving yourself and myself, from cursing people (from the inside), which I don't like. Well I'm not doing any generalizations, I agree there are a lot of SUPER nurses around too.

Oh that's enough whining from me. Like the SHO said on Monday when we were all tired from the post-call, "I sometimes hate my job, it's frustrating, tiring and dangerous for us and the patients. I'm just tired. And I'm a grumpy b**t**d I know. Can't help it though.."

We have our bad days I'm sure..

life is a roller-coaster ride

I was at the edge of my frustrations yesterday. It started with failed attempts of taking bloods, one after another, that took me the whole morning to recover from the frustrations. Then from there the workloads kept building up, and more frustrations, and more works, and more frustrations hit. I didn't have any break for food or pee, and I even missed the compulsory interns tutorial. One more push I probably had surrendered and wasted all the built up passions I've been having all these while. Luckily I managed to swallow it all, painfully, and leave it as it was. I know that yesterday was not even close to be called one of the bad days in my career. So I slept all the troubles away and hoped to wake up to a new day.

I did.

Today was a total turnover. Bloods drawn out on most first attempts, 3 successful arterial bloods, 3 successful referrals to the physiotherapy, social worker and occupational therapy, an IV line in, and again, a medical student to do the Serial Data for my patient who had chest pain. I managed to pray zuhur earlier, and lunch was salad of olives and feta cheese! Been waiting for this a long time now!! So I can proudly smile at the end of the day and say my gratitudes to Allah SWT for if not for Him I wouldn't be able to survive this all along. Alhamdulillah.

Life is indeed a roller-coaster ride. One time you're flying high, you've your adrenalines all shooting to the roof, and the next you find yourself at the bottommost of the playground, inhaling the dusts and dirts of the system. But you know you're gonna be up again later, and the cycle shall continues. Interesting ain't it?

Few tips to share with the intern friends out there. I know you're (the ones who'll be working in M'sia) all be laughing at me for my not-even-up-to-M'sian-busy standards of daily job, but I guess some of you might benefit the experience I'm sharing here. Feel free to apply!

1. Always make a good rapport with the patients. Go and see them, ask how are they feeling now, did they sleep well last night (they won't usually, layan je la hehe), how's the food like, touch their hands when you talk to them, give comforting words (without overdoing one), etc. At least if you have failed attempts of bloods/IV line, they'll know that 'the nice lady doctor has tried her best to do her job and not hurting me as much.' Although you're da*n sure that you had hurt them pretty badly!

2. Know your colleagues from other departments. Nurses, physiotherapists, the technicians from the radiology departments, the porters, anyone at all. Respect them regardless of their level and jobs, call them by their first names and give your sweetest smiles to them (be sincere though! he he). They'll make your life much easier, and you can take my words for this!

3. Get dressed for success! The first day I was all ready to put up my best first day impression outlook. Wrong day for a fancy pair of shoes! Few cinderella moments occured when one shoe fell out of the foot to the bottom stairs while I was trying to cut time short by jumping up 2 stairs at one time. No luck that day, there wasn't any prince charming to pick up the shoe for me. I must be dreaming. The second day I was back to my best red Adidas pair. Cinderella moments no more! The point is, no one really care for your look, it's the speed and your comforts that matter! (looks like I'll have 2 pairs of stiletto heels I won't be using, at all!)

Cinderella lar konon..

I'll leave it to those 3 for the moment. Cheerios!

BTW, my physiotherapist happens to be someone who can pass for a role of the next Superman. And yep, I mean this! :p

my bad IV lines day

I had a hunch that Day 2 won't be as smooth as the previous day. I was right. Today is my official bad IV lines day.

Day 2 marks;

1. 2 patients cried after 2 attempts of putting 2 IV lines failed miserably
2. the lukewarm air between me and the Intern is in fact getting warmer, in a bad way that is
   
3. I need more speed, desperately, too slow today, bad bad!
4. the orientation is still bad, got lost trying to find the way out after sending blood cultures to microbiology. Women, heh..
   

Probably few good things;

1. better rapport with staff each day
2. getting better at doing new admissions and ordering tests
3. growing confidence
   

I started having the headache even before noon, gradually worsen throughout the day and was at worst around 3-4pm. Then it magically disappeared once I went home and had a nice peaceful shower and dinner. I diagnosed myself of having hypersensitivity reactions towards the Intern, to add up on my hypersensitivity lists. He's my official contender. I'm in no competition, doesn't mean that I'd let his little holier than thou game going on. 3 words for him, bring it on!!

Another pat on the back, I survived Day 2! Alhamdulillah..

Day 1: SURVIVED!

I don't know about you guys, but I look forward to writing this entry for a long time now (just as a proof at the end of today that I'm still breathing allright) . So people, I SURVIVED THE FIRST DAY OF WORK! *woooot wooooot* ALHAMDULILLAH!

So for the sake of future entries on workstuff, I will from now on address the following people as follow;

1) Consultant: Big Boss

Tall, broad shouldered, fatherly look, most inspiring when teaching also when giving advices, big into cystic fibrosis (I mean really BIG, like got referral from the States for advices), away on holidays this week!

2) Registrar: Small Boss

Moderate height, curly burgundy hair, mostly Irish features, talks very fast, works very fast, means business everytime, but a nice person overall, I see a future hope as a good mentor.

3) Senior House Officer: SHO

Small for a guy, cute Irish accent, smooth and kind, good teacher, a 2nd year SHO at 24 years old (I envy him!!), dating another cute SHO for 5 months now (first day gossips)

4) Intern*

Tall and lean, diagnosed himself with ADHD, talks too fast, jittery and sweaty most of the times, big into philosophy, the cute SHO my current SHO's seeing (up there) is his recent ex (I thought this will be too awkward, but they seemed OK with that. Man now I think they're just an awkward bunch. What a world!)

*not too confuse people but I'm also an intern and he's my teammate, but from now on if I mention intern that'll be him unless stated otherwise

So today was smooth sailing for a lot of us, mainly because we were sh*t like scared the day before so prepared for every possible outcomes for today. As for myself, other than mentally rehearsing the procedures (putting IV lines, taking bloods) times and times again in my head the night before, I was left with prayers and hopes that I'd pass through the day fine. God answered my prayers for the first day of work, I passed the day allright. Alhamdulillah. The Small Boss was most understanding, giving us chances and time, allowing first few hiccups and led us through. The SHO was the cutest teacher I'll ever have. He's too kind. Nuff said. Well those are on the first day impression basis.

If you asked how it feels like being a doctor, well the first ward round I had with the team part of me was still playing the med student's role, like a space-cowboy most of the times, minds everywhere till the Small Boss mentioned about things to order then only I grabbed hold of my thoughts and decided that I needed to keep in focus. One time the nurse called out loud "Doctor!" and I turned to my back and searched for the doctor she was looking for, till I realized that she was actually calling for me, the Doctor! God it felt awkward in the beginning really!

So first day went allright. First IV line put in with no difficulties, first few bloods taken, first consent with the help of some medical students, you get me right, first day as a doctor I've already had the students doing consents and physical examinations for me haha. Big bully am I? No I think they'll learn a lot that way. I did when I was a student anyway.

And not to forget the kind-hearted nurses who had mercy on me on my first day of work. I think I explained myself best from the anxious and nervous face I had all day which managed to fish out sympathies most of the times. Muchas gracias! It was no play, I was in fact sh*t like nervous. OK no swearing I know.

So outcomes and plans after surviving Day 1

1. work faster
2. manage the time better in order to be able to pray zuhur earlier
3. keep up the good rapport with the staff
4. avoid backbiting
5. keep the friends close, and the enemies closer he he
6. work harder and keep things steady and low at the same time

At the end of the day, I'm just plain grateful that I'm still breathing. Thanks to Allah..