lost in translations

Relieve is

slipping your feet into the soft soles Nike pair after one whole day of dreading them in the painfully dashing stilletoos


Irony is

watching the next top model wannabees while finishing the thick slice of creamy chocolate cake from the weekend without a single guilt


Comfort is

the thought of what tomorrow might serve


Guilt is

losing the fight between righteousness and self-ego plus tiredness


Love is

the mental image of Aya with broom in her hand and towel on her neck imitating Bibik's daily chores


Emptiness is

eating nice dinner while watching nice movie all alone cracking potential jokes with your potential friends only in your head


Confused is

missing people unnecessarily

Sunday musings

I break the record of not blogging everyday like I did last week. I'm sure nobody missed me that much anyway. He he.

Nothing really new happened. 2 patients died under my care, one elderly man with heart failure passed away peacefully while I was asleep in doctor's res last week. He was NFR (not for resuscitate) status anyway. Another lady died last night. A known patient to me, background psych patient, NFR too, she was under my care for a week when her oxygen saturations went haywire and she stopped taking all her medications. She desaturated to 60% the night I was on-call, it took me the whole night to look after her, ordered CXR, ECG, tried to calm her down despite nearly giving myself a needle-stick injury when she struggled after I jabbed her wrist for ABG blood. I will remember her last moment in health when she was knitting a very nice green coloured table-cloth in her isolation room.

A friend was consoling me about her death, saying there was nothing I could do when her time comes. I begged to differ, there's always something that I could amend in managing her from the beginning. I could've been more thorough and thoughtful. Though it won't change anything, I learned my lessons through this one. A blessing in disguise you say..

Well it's Sunday again. I am in rebound of my past happy hours activity. Cooking, it has always been. Though this time there are less mouths to be fed, I am one happy feeder nonetheless. Yep I miss home, but I have to move on.

Issue 1: Please next week come running!
Issue 2: Am I allowed to be turned on watching Transformers? zzzZZ hot!

Sunday blues

I woke up today feeling very empty. And FYI I'm like this every weekend, before I pretend to make myself busy and head up to the city center.

I think I miss waking up on the weekends in my old flat with the sound of Yanie in the kitchen cooking mee goreng for breakfast. I took that for granted for too long, now that I'm here I miss the familiarities of the old place with the familiar old people. I haven't ate any noodles/pasta eversinced I moved here. The mojo's already gone.

Don't get me wrong, I like the new place, a much bigger place to accommodate just 2 people. It's just that I'm slowly adapting to the new foreign air here. I kinda miss the comfort silence my old flatmates and I shared, the mutual understanding we have in terms of social space, the dishes each one of us mastered cooking in, the laughters from the jokes that only us can understand, the friends that crashed the place over the weekends. Well yeah, people come and go, I know I shouldn't have stucked to the past.

Somebody just told me to get engaged/married soon to heal this blues. That I'm not a student anymore and it's logical that I'll feel this way on the days I'm not working as long as I'm single. Well you certainly have a point. But my point is - kalaula cari laki tu senang macam beli ikan kat pasar.. I'm sure there are men everywhere, but to find 'the man' is not easy.

Like Neesa said, semua ni jodoh Tuhan yang tentukan..

Happy weekend, mine's full of blues..

I need a hug

and a good sleep..

p/s: post call

I miss you today

What do you usually do when you miss someone?

Myself, it's always logical to do what the person I'm missing love to do. That way I feel as if he/she's closed to me, though in reality he/she isn't.

Like when I'm missing mom, I always go and eat something orangy, like Jaffa cakes or Terry's Chocolate Orange. You know the way old people think that chocolate can only be mixed with orange as the other flavour. That's my mom. She always go for chocolate with orange, like Zip Orange, or Crispies Orange, or Kit Kat Orange. Never strawberries or raspberries, what more mints or anything like that. Which I think is cute. And I always feel closed to her whenever I enjoy my Jaffa cakes or Terry's from here.

As for dad, I feel him when I'm most simple. My dad is the simplest person on earth. He grew up in a difficult time, being the eldest in his family. A lot of sacrifices, even to raise us being what we are now. So when it comes to food he's not fussy. So I miss him most when I eat soup or anything very simple.

Do you ever smile on your own when a song is on the radio and your thought went away to meet the people who love the song? I do that a lot. Like when I miss my friends, the closest ones from matriculations, I listen to SO7's. Always helps. And few people that I know what their favourite songs are. I even have an album in my iTunes entitled 'Adik's Favourites'. And those will be full of R&B, Soul, Pop, the types youth nowadays love to listen to (and my bro always had out loud on the radio in his room). And another album with Alleycats', The Carpenters', ABBA's, for the big sis.

Today I'm missing Maryam my old friend from the middle-east. I went to the bakery near the hospital entrance and bought viennese whirl. That used to be her favourite. I never actually seen her having anything else from there other than the viennese.


My favourite would be the coffee square, but I bought this one instead and ate it on the way home. It felt like Maryam, it really was.

And what would you do when you miss your Creator?

So it's logical too that performing solahs and reciting the Quran are the best things to do for that. And hopefully that won't be wearied till I blow my last breath. Amin.