Another Thoughts

Another day in the hospital. Life keeps getting more interesting for me every single day. I dunno. Sometimes when I experienced some hardness in my learning process, I took one step back and imagined the faces of my beloved ones back home and the dimmed spirit burned back like a fire on gasoline. It got me into thinking sometimes the purpose of my life HERE in DUBLIN, is it just to finish the remaining years and bring back the title, or is there more than just a title then? Reading the news from friends back home, God how I wish I had the fun as a student like they're having now, participating in the extracurricular activities, I imagined myself doing some outdoor activities, basketball maybe, or participate in many volunterring works, going everywhere all over M'sia. It would be such fun.

Then sitting back I realized that there's more than just FUN in life. It's about responsibility. And mine would be to myself, the people around me, and most importantly to Allah The Almighty. I pray to God, asking for some strengths for me to continue on my life, seeking for a clear smooth pathway, eases me in dealing with those strangers around me. Though every single day is like the same sick routines I continuously do, at least I now know my root that I hold on to.

A little bit relieved now of course, that's what blog do. It relieves me after writing something here.

Coffee and Me

Let's see. I have another 18 minutes left to post something here coz I'm sticking to my initial plan of going back at 7. Yep Yani and I, we managed to host a potluck cum housewarming on Saturday and the number of people who turned up were shockingly unexpected. Murah rezeki maknanye tu. Haha. At the end of the day most of us were pretty STUFFED by the delicious food (Mandy said she ate 9 pieces of our marinated chicken, the highest record I guess). But yeah, it was pretty cool for us to be gathering like that, since the PMC students will be going back to Penang in March leaving me and other 11 mates here in Dublin for another couple of years or more ( I cannot imagine that, oh God no).

Today I was on my way to attend the clinical skills classes when I stopped by at the staff canteen to grab a cup of coffee. That moment I realized that I drink coffee like some people smoke cigarrettes. U get what I mean, it's like I crave for coffee and it keeps me going for the day, like men crave for some puffs. And after throwing away the polysterine cup in the bin, I realized that I have the coffee smell sticking at me (my veil) like people have the familiar cigarrette smell sticking in their mouths or clothes after they finish taking a puff. One time I went to get my cup of coffee with Maryam my Kuwaiti friend and she said "U drink coffee that much?" seeing me pouring the coffee in the cup. Am I really that heavy coffee drinker then? The paradox is I never craved for any when I was back in M'sia, like I said before, it's the teh tarik mamak that satisfy my appetite more. Haha. An exception for those delicious ice blended mocha and frappucino in, U know where. I remember last year when I was still living in Harrington St., me and Faha, we were like some serious coffee cravers that the huge bottle of Bewley's Coffee Rich Roast would be finished by us in the matter of weeks. I know it's bad for myself (yes caffeine is never good for u OK) and I'll try to reduce the amount later. Need my greatest will though, hope I won't be getting some serious withdrawal symptoms later on. :p

OK I've exceeded the estimated time. Failed now.

pretty occupied

I'm back to the real me I guess, though not fully ME. The busy schedule really make me forget the things that were bothering me before, the loneliness, the homesick part and all. Though sometimes late at nite when it was cold (as the heater was not on, jimat beb), I would still being struck by the missing family part, that I'm certain would never go away from me.

Oh I'm terribly tired now, today was pretty tired but thankfully filled with things that benefited me in many ways. Cool (my fav word now, Fawaz laughs whenever I said that. He now knows my fav things I think. Haha. I'm so comfortable being his partner. We're COOL together. Haha). The three of us went in to see a surgery in the morning and got the chance to meet our Consultant whom we never met before. He was such a nice guy and I liked him instantly the moment I met him. And it was a pretty COOL surgery, em it was not actually a surgery, it was more to a neuro-navigation and biopsy for a left frontal lesion in this patient's brain. The drilling part was a bit cruel for me, it just felt like my own skull being drilled at that time, but the consultant just expertly drilled the skull and he knew when to stop drilling before it got into the soft brain tissues. That one surely comes with a lot of experience. While doing the drilling, he was constantly talking to us and teaching us the complicated things about neuro which I'll never could get the whole point of it. Too complicated for my rusty brain from the 2 months holidays. God I better start the engine now. I felt like a snail in everything I do.

Me and Fawaz couldn't wait till the end of the surgery, we left the theatre at half ten for our clinical skills tutorials leaving Jonathan alone as a student in there. We didn't get to see the biopsy procedure, too bad. And just now Jonathan said he was in the theatre area till lunch time, he managed to see a laminectomy after the first sugical procedure ended. Oh what a waste of not being there. Hope I'll be able to see some other interesting procedures next Thursday. The tutorials was OK, me and Fawaz went in a bit late and they had already started teaching at that time. And that was after we ran, yep we seriously RAN to Smurfit Building after going out from the theatre as we were so late. So I didn't bring anything for the tutorials and wasn't mentally prepared for them (after the running part I guess). And I got caught after being asked some questions from the lecturer, uh nasib orang datang kelas lambat. Padan muka. There were 3 tutorials in a row, surprise surprise, by the end I was already starving and I could hear some other classmates' stomach grumbling too. Haha so it wasn't me alone. So lunch was always my homemade sandwiches. Ape lagi. Nak jimatla.

Then at 2 the Microbiology lecture started. God it seemed like forever for it to end, and I tried very hard to keep myself AWARE of the surroundings. The next lecturer came in after that, and it was my fav Microb lecturer so I didn't bother keeping alive for another hour or so. But when it finally ended, I was totally exhausted. The plan of accompanying a friend to go in the ward after the lectures was aborted, hell no, no more for the day. So we all went back in that 27B bus, like always macam rombongan sekolah ramai-ramai. Uh have they ever think of getting a college's bus to commute the students to the hospital, or at least just put in some shares in the Dublin Bus particularly for 27B, obviously every RCSI student takes that to go to BH, yeah maybe some take 16 or 20B. Whatever, I still think it's a good idea for the college's bus. C'on we pay nearly 35 thousand euros for every academic year (OK my sponsor pays that one I know), don't tell me u can't afford it. Lately this whole fees issue had been raised by my classmate and I think he should be doing that. All these while the students just pay their money when the year started and they don't even have the idea how the college uses the money, so at this point I think the time had just comes when everything should be surfaced and only then we'd be satisfied. Hopefully.

Did I tell u that I lost my glasses on my first week in the hospital, yes my ONLY pair of glasses, I left the other pair at home in Msia. As I don't have any locker yet, I was putting my stuff in Jonathan's locker and while sorting my things out I dunno why but I put the glasses on the floor beside my bag. After giving him my whitecoat and other stuff I just picked the bag and went away. A friend of mine said she did see the glasses on the floor while passing by there but didn't bother to pick them up. I went to ask the guard at the reception but he also didn't have any with him. The odd thing is that till now I still feel OK about it, I don't have any bad feelings about losing the glasses. I dunno why but I still feel that they're still somewhere in BH, safe but not in my hands. God where are u glasses? My fault again of not taking a good care them. Mum always said I'd lose my head if it wasn't socketted in my neck (eh macam dalam cerita cina Takashi tu pulak).

Oh stop the nonsense for today, it's my third malam Jumaat in Dublin.

a bit of cracks up there

CRAP

U know that sometimes when u discover something you've long waited to know about, your heart would just jump up and down knowing about it, and u can tap your heartbeats out for the whole period of time, only to find out later that there's something uneasy going on with the thing. Oh this happens to me A LOT. I guess it's some sort of compensatory system God creates for human not to always feel great about himself, when u have good things happen to u, there's always something bad going to happen afterwards to compensate the good feelings you're having at that moments.

It doesn't matter anymore. I feel a bit better now.

It was a pretty chaotic day. And I realized that I've started eating junks again nowadays. Always something fast and convenient, like potato wedges I was having for my lunch (or late-lunch which was at 5pm) today. This is the kind of food that would make me ended up having any bowel diseases someday (oh God no) unless I started eating healthy food back again.

Hm U know what, I'm gonna just be frank here coz I'm a bit mentally unstable today, I miss the "sight" I saw on the week earlier. It's the most comforting sight I've ever seen since I got back here and it's the only thing that keeps my spirit burning now, though it was just that once, yep only one occasion.

Oh I'm starting to be getting weirder and weirder for the day. Don't bother to ask, I might not remember any of these things later in the week when u remind me of them back again.

Till then

a week or so

It’s only 11 am on this fine Friday morning yet I’ve already called the day off. (Oh come on, it’s just the first week. Gimme a break will ya). My only purpose of coming to the hospital today was to attend the 9am lecture, and was entertained by Mr Ireland (the lecturer) who said “Vitamin E is an anti-oxidant and it is fairly important for the sexual activities of rodents” when the topic should be on surgical jaundice. Going out of the lecture theatre, there were a bunch of neurosurgeons and doctors who were having their free breakfast served after the neuroscience symposium thing or whatever they call it. Man I should’ve gone out using the other exit at the rear end, me, Fawaz and Jonathan were like pushing each other for whose gonna be the one that should go and talk to our intern whom we clearly could see after taking our exit. So we ended up just like passing beside her and I was like “Hi” and waved my hand as a gesture not long before Fawaz slowly said “ Oh let’s just go back and have a great weekend since we all don’t feel like going to the wards” and we were like “Yes good idea” then bid our g’byes. That was how it ended.

The whole week was not too bad, I managed to take one history (yes only one) and present it to our intern. There were also a neurosurgeon along with the intern when I was presenting the case so u imagines how they were condemning me. They are really nice people and those were not some destructive comments, it’s just that I wasn’t really ready to be commented on my first case in Beaumont Hosp. But yeah I actually deserved those comments as by now I should’ve master the case presenting skills, so served me right. Then we went to take another history and Jonathan did the physical examination for the upper limbs on the same lady.

A week of experience in BH, I realized some differences of the 2 hospitals I’ve gone study in, between JCMH in Blanchardstown and BH. Well, in JCMH the doctors invited you over to see a surgical procedure or make a schedule for u to meet them in such time for some extra tutorials while here in BH they actually schedule u to go in the wards for some limited times only. Things go pretty hectic over here as BH is one of the main national hosp where all complicated and chronic cases from peripheral hosp being referred to. And by now the wards are pretty stuffed by the students from all 3rd, 4th and final meds who are hungrily hunting for some interesting cases to be taken histories of. So u imagine how busy things are in the wards that somehow affected me by making me less interested in being present there and getting the situation much more complicated (I know it’s a bad excuse to escape from the wards)

And today also I had major mood swing-over. It’s the hormones I know but at one point I really felt like quitting med school and go grab someone to marry me. Haha. If only life’s that simple.