sayo~

So I finally came to the last day of work in BH. Couple of hugs and tied up some loose ends. Here we go, sayonara.

Working in a big hospital has certainly taken so much out of me, both in good and bad ways. Let me see, after 6 months the hospital has taken away 5-8 kg of my weight, gave me a pair of racoon eyes and ruined biological clock. I have certainly developed resistance against a human strain called nurses with quick antidotes of hot nice staffs, hot mostly. I came home wrecked everyday and after 6 months I've eaten all sorts of vegetarian dishes and fishes I ever did my whole life. Here's the best one to sum the daily to-do list.

But to be honest it has been an exciting 6 months really. To put it simply, I was lucky I had some great things going on in the middle of the long arduous working hours, that I can actually hold in my hands as compensative measures. Things like, great boss, great teammates, research opportunities, direct learning, case and journal presentations (OK nerdy). They've been great really.

So I will miss this place for the good things, big time. Thinking back I've been here for longer than I thought. Starting the 3rd year of medical school, my bosses were the ones who once taught me and the ones I've always looked up to when I was a student. I know I'll be back for few days once in a while in future (research again), but to work here again is something still uncertain. Considering my options in future career pathway that is.

On the new year greeting card I received from my other boss it says,

"BH loss will be OLLH gain.."

He's very nice indeed.

Also with that I received another $$$ gift voucher. Looks like there's gonna be some serious new year's shopping spree going on. Ka-chingggg.....

Fair

Except it's not even summer yet.

When I was sure you'd follow through,
My world was turned to blue.

When you'd hide
your songs would die,
so I'd hide yours with mine.

And all my words were bound to fall.
I know you won't fail...

see, I can tell...

P/S: Izakusha, I'm sorry I abandoned your calls over the windows (the fact that you called when I was asleep). I need you for the quick therapy..

celebrations & holidays

First of all, Selamat Hari Raya AidilAdha dear readers.

My raya was fine, on the night of raya eve I was browsing through some old raya pictures when suddenly the urge to cook some traditional dishes came. Mind you, after like months of hiatus from the kitchen that is. I'm amazed at myself how did I survive on tuna, serunding, maggi goreng Mawi (haha), cereals and junks all these while. So raya was spent with an early leave from the hospital, eating my own nasi minyak and rendang, and a visit to friends' place.

Maaf Zahir & Batin all.

Merry X'mas and Happy Holidays too.

You could almost smell the strong holidays atmosphere lingering around the hospital. Everyone's in a cheery mood, some felt pressurized by the system pushed on the holidays mode (including yours truly) but everything seems to ease off today. Technically it's the last day for most people coz x'mas falls on the Tuesday and a lot of of people would be off on Monday. I got a x'mas present from Prof H and my old Big Boss in a form of $$$ (voucher). Ka-ching! (bunyi duit bertaburan di gedung membeli belah). I love them unconditionally.

I'm starting to feel the drift of going to the new hospital in January. I must say that I'm very much comfortable with respiratory medicine already that I hate the idea of changing. I love the team (I love being the baby of the team that they protect and teach me so much), I love the boss, I love the usual conversations and bitching about the nurses and staffs. But as much as I do, I know I needed the change for good reasons. Primarily being the requirement for the medical council is doing the surgical rotations. Secondly I think I'm getting enough of this hospital already, yep, though as much as I love my team..

Prof H said to me in his last ward round today (writing this here so I can go back one day and read them),

"Thank you very much Wan, I really appreciate all of your helps. I think you did very well and you're very committed to your jobs. Thank you again.."

I answered with some brief sentence of "Not at all Prof. I learnt a lot being in this team". Mainly because words just stuck deep in my throat from sadness of leaving, and secondly I'm afraid if I said more I'd cry, that's in front of my boss, my registrar, my SHO and the 2 medical students..malu siut..

But now I really feel like crying. That's because everyone's gone home and I'm stuck working tonight. Crap.

it's about time (for everything to happen)

I went out for coffee and dinner in town when I realized it was quite late to return to my far away home. So I decided to crash in the usual place at the neighbourhood I used to live for 3 years during the student's life. I was heading towards the place when I saw a familiar figure from afar. Garfield?! So I shouted his name and it was knee-jerk reflex he came running to me. I mishhh youuuu....odd enough he was running back and forth to me and towards my old place with that white door. Obviously he remembers me..aaaawwwWw..


This week has been MENTAL. 5 months of internship I have never been in such frustrations, anger and madness. I finally have reached the limit, the boiling point where things started to surface. I realized I was being very nice, em too nice to many group of people but got shites in return.

Never in my life I swore in vulgarity so much, my colleagues started to question the nice Wan who seemed to have gone. Thursday was painstaking, everything started coming up to the nose level. That night I was on-call and there was a cardiac arrest. I did the last compression before we called it. She didn't make it. The registrar was brilliant, but somehow I was terribly affected by the incident. Friday morning my kind SHO asked the queasy look. Wrong move. It was like poking a balloon full of water with a needle, I burst out in tears. Ah you know when you're feeling awful and people acknowledge, you simply can't help it..

I don't know for how long I can bear this bollocks anymore. It's really getting into my skin now..

Speaking of which, I finally came to another crossroads, again. Being an indecisive person is terrible. I can't make a straight call. I'd love to care less and proceed, but I'd be lying to my heart. I don't know..

of work (again)

I've just started my job with Prof Horatio's team again. Upon seeing me today he said, "Welcome back, Wan. Glad to have you back with us." OK I think I blushed a bit. Heee~ (terbang ke angkasa lepas).

To be honest, guys don't need to be essentially good looking to be attractive. Like Prof H. (OK he's my boss and I know my limit). But the vast knowledge and the brilliant sarcasm he contained in him, gawd. Plus he has the greatest charm when connecting with people.

Last week he gave a presentation in the medical grand round about NIPPV. (He's the NIPPV guy in the hospital, big time). After 30 minutes of a very comprehensive presentation, the floor was opened for questions. One of the gastro-enterology consultants (an author of a famous concise textbook we use as a medical student too) raised his hand and asked.

"I know how unpleasant the NIPPV mask can be on the patients. Have you tried using the mask with the machine on yourself Prof H?"

He answered.

"Have you tried the colonoscopy yourself Dr P?"

OK the floor was burst with laughters. I know I know he's brilliant.

a guy on NIPPV

Colonoscopy

I have been in a very dry state lately. Dehydrated from not having the time to drink water. How ridiculous was that, everyone thought. It's true though, my upper lip is badly cracked from dehydration and now very red and sore. Sometimes I think I look like someone who has herpes.

There's a (very hot) psychiatric registrar in the hospital. Yep the tall and scruffy curly hair German guy. Today we sent a consult to his team when one of our patients with newly diagnosed lung cancer was expressing a very strong suicidal ideation in her conversations. I saw him in the ward at noon just after he finished reviewing the patient. He called me for a discussion, and me, with my herpes lips went to him and had a one-on-one lengthy talk about the patient. Yep with my red cracked half blown upper lip. Hideous. There goes my chance. Not that I have any...

OK later I found out that he's already married to an Aussie chick. (Harapan pecah berderai).

here comes the day

You got me right. I turned 24 yesterday, though everyone in the ward said they thought I was 21 at age still. I replied, "Thanks to MAC foundation you cannot see my fine lines in the face."

It felt different this year. For a start I didn't even think about my birthday enough because of the tight work schedule. Then I had my first birthday song which was sang by a bunch of nurses with the ward sister handling a jar of sweets to me right after. Then going home as if nothing had happened. I miss the usual supposed-to-be-surprised-birthday-surprise which would be annually arranged by my old mates. Thanks to the present mates, I could still cheerish the birthday moments with the right people.

Just for something different today, let's recall the previous birthday entries in this blogging arena.

2nd Year. The first year blogging. Yep the year of bad english, poor sentence arrangements, all in a day journal thingy going on. Oh we all started somewhere there didn't we? Not that I've became THAT good now anyway..

3rd Year. I remember clearly that year somehow I felt really old. 21 OK. Now I'm supposed to feel even older technically speaking. Still, poor English and bad train of thoughts that one.

4th year. I was in Navan at that time. Nice bed & breakfast, great peripheral rotation, interesting bunch of people, great experience.

Final year. More like it that year. Simpler and more matured arrangements. Matured eh? Poyo kot..he he..

Did I seem to grow these past 5 years? You be the judge.

Though I didn't get big presents like the previous years, I'm still grateful for another year experiencing birthday with friends like this when I thought I have none anymore when they all went home (OK emo sikit). But mostly my gratitudes are for Allah SWT for another wonderful year of life, which at the 24th year I have managed to realize one of my childhood ambitions. The arrangement was like this all along;

Cita-cita Shuhada

1. Doctor
2. Surirumah

Alhamdulillah I hit number one. Thank you Allah. I promise this won't be the end. I have a long way to go, guide me through please.

I have actually promised to treat myself with something this time. Moderately, as it supposed to be. Instead, sometimes things can be so out of hands. Especially when it comes to me and the best creation on earth - shoes. So today I accidentally bought few pairs of shoes, err I mean, 4 pairs of shoes. (Lari menyorok bawah duvet). I don't know should I blame the impulse or the crazy birthday justification. Both I think.

OK yg hitam tu from M'sia. Sini mana ada Vincci. He he.. (another pair not in picture)

I also spent the morning after celebration at the quay's near Dublin port. It was serene beautiful. Freezing cold though. I couldn't feel my fingers and toes at one point, and I swear I won't even realized if my hingus were trickling down the nostrils. That cold. I went with blades, 2 lenses and these people.

Asian roller-blade team

Naah, they're just a bunch of final meds with good interests.

Thanking everyone for another year, another wishes, another thoughts and another dreams..