If you believe you can, or you believe you can't, you're probably right - H Ford

It's a good feelings being a student again. Coming late for the lectures, drinking loads of coffee (and peeing a lot as a result), thought spacing during lectures, glancing the cute guys from behind (unfortunately paeds is a wrong field to get a lot of hot/cute guys - most would be decent, but not HOT hot if you get what I mean. The HOT ones would do surgery - yeah it's their self-esteem we know that).

Yes you got me right. That's non-Mendelian inheritance. Also learned about Mendel and his peas again. And the chromosomes. And the syndromes. It's the nice 'confused' feelings in the middle of lectures, and asking the people beside you to recall "what's the 5 T's for causes of mediastinal mass" again.

I stayed in M'sia Hall halfway through. I was high on teh tarik and roti canai for breakfast. The smell of the curry stayed on my hand all day long (pure kari mamak ni). Also had the first London theatrical experience. Ah I'm just a sucker for musicals, always.

Something really weird happened few days ago. I went shopping along the Oxford St and came back home empty handed. That's like, BIZARRE. Must be part of growing up thingy. Demm.

One week as a Londoner is an ample pulse of happiness and remission from Dublin. Prediction says it won't be long until one falls back for relapse though.

Cheeeeerios!

Salam Aidiladha

Looks like I won't be celebrating raya haji this year. It happened weeks ago; course registration - checked, ticket to LHR - checked, accommodation - checked. Wait a minute, 8/12/08, ain't that day raya haji? Bummer..

Semoga pengorbanan kali ini di'kira', i'Allah. (God knows I'm bleeding inside).

Ketupat Raya Aidilfitri 1428H/2007
Bangi, where the heart is..

Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha to all Muslims.

Maaf Zahir & Batin.

Please send your thoughts for me when you're eating rendang daging korban while I eat egg sandwich on raya day. OK probably don't, just send those thoughts (or send the daging korban) to our brothers and sisters who are underprevileged at home instead. I'll be OK here, i'Allah.

should we care

Yes I think the NFC was right in declaring their fatwa on Yoga, Lesbianism and Tomboy. I don't think they were trivial issues at all, as some may imply. We know prevention is better than cure, and having the first hand experience in dealing with some of those issues (or close enough), I think it's right for us to be reminded that the path to righteousness should start from the very beginning of the journey.

I am stepping into another milestone in life. I was a newborn months ago who bottom-shuffled and crept to grasp my stuff around. Now I probably can walk fine after succeeding few unsupported first steps. For this I attribute to the scaffolding support and safety net of great family and friends.

We all grew. It's great sometimes to look back and reminisce the old times. I bumped into one old memory that I never thought would came revisited. Ah people moved on with their lives, I'm glad. My prayers for you.

A: Why did you like him?
B: Oh it's probably the teenager's hormonal surge more than anything.
A: So is he with someone now?
B: Yes I think.
A: What does she look like?
B: Em, typical Malay girl. Ayu, putih, kurus and kecil. Probably 75% of Malay girl in M'sia are like that and they're the men's favourites.
A: So what make you?
B: The 1% probably. Tak ayu, tak putih, tak kecik and tak kurus. Think about the world's issues too much like the undernourished kids, Palestine/Afghanistan/Iraq. Loves mini cooper too much. I don't think I'd fall in any categories of men's favourite.

He he.

and again, another year

I'm still smothered in my mixed feelings. Happy, blessed, specks of guilt, and anger, sadness, joy, regret, loved, missed - ah the heart is very complex. My eyes are swollen, the heavy heart. I'm truly happy and blessed, I truly am.

Maybe I'm feeling old that's it.

Anyhoo, yes I'm 25 today, alhamdulillah. Height 164cm weight __kg. Proud owner of Budiman (never on roads yet), 2 pair of stethoscopes, probably more than 20 pair of shoes, and shirts.

For this year I made 3 wishes on cutting the cake.

1.
2.
3.

May Allah give me the strength to be steadfast and make things easy for me iAllah.

I miss you.

back to singleton

How are you peeps?

My mum left Dublin on Saturday. I was devastated (as usual - I can't handle goodbyes). Woke up Sunday feeling cold and empty. Man how good it is when she was around. No more coffee and b'fast on the table in the morning, nor ironed clothes and nice dinner to go home to. I'll survive don't worry.

The kind of food I'm missing. Popiah basah with her signature home made kulit popiah. Music on the togue..

I was talking to friends on Saturday. I said I'm worried that I'm a bit de-sensatized now, or at least I thought I am. I used to be very fragile, depended on people most of the times (especially Yanie when she was around). I never travelled alone because of my bad orientation. As friends left Dublin one by one, I think I've adopted my survival instinct. It's not bad in a way, it is the most natural to do. But as a result I'm also trained to be hard inside to survive. Like making a straight face when something bad happen. There's good and bad. But not when you lose the sensitivities. Oh well, tough life.

So these days everyday is like Pakcik Hussein's Song.

I suppose I should look at things in optimisms. I'm grateful to have this life. I love my job (or the kids and people involved in my job). Life after work is mundane enough, but it is temporary (hopefully). I have my goals in life and I will work for it. Allah help me please.

That was Lisa, one of my chronic patients who has been in and out a lot with exacerbation of her disease since I started with the team. She came to me one night when I was on call on the ward and spent the time chatting with me. She's matured before her age; with her chronic lung disease, and recent death of her mum. "At least mammy's not in pain anymore. But no one combs my hair like she did." So the team makes sure that the staff nurse combs her hair nicely every morning. She's an angel.

Cheerios, life's too short to be sulked at.