Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Blogger unfound

Going to take a break till the exam's over. Never felt this nervewrecking with so little time yet so many things unsolved. Pray for me, my survival instinct this time somehow not felt right.

Anyway, latest mugshot from my new mobile, alhamdulilah got it shipped to me last Friday. The same day Yanie bought the same model from the O2 website, yeah it's just time when Sony Ericsson rules (Aida bought another model earlier this month). Booo hooo Rokiah Nokia, now you're gonna regret that you made an alliance with Israel. Speaking of which, on SkyNews today, another pitfall occured. Marks & Spencer reported a major loss this year, especially from the Ladies Department. Well who said that we couldn't make a difference then? (They're paying the price of losing some real serial shoppers there, one of them being, of course, me. Year right..)

Picture(1)
Kira-kira, lagi berapa hari nak balik rumah. Err, harini 24hb, aku balik 11hb bulan depan..tolak..tolak.. damn I'm terrible with numbers..

Bittaufiq wannajah fil imtihan!

Saturday, May 21, 2005

approaching Shurooq

Baru aku tahu, indahnya pagi hari hanya dapat dirasai oleh yang berpeluang 'menangkap' detik-detik itu. Agaknya sebab itula orang kata tak elok tidur lepas subuh, akan mewarisi kepapaan. Papanya manusia tak dapat menikmati rezeki pemandangan yang tiada kata-kata dapat ungkaikan. Nasib baiklah mata ni tak mahu tidur lagi, nasib baik juga bilik aku di bahagian belakang rumah, ada tingkap besar tempat intai-intai kejadian Tuhan di luar sana tu.

Tapi kalau hari-hari nak berjaga semalaman macam ni, parah jugakla..

Saat mata terhalang oleh malam
Tidur dan berkembanglah
Saat sang pagi kembali menari
Datanglah dengan hati

Pagi!

:)

approaching Fajr

On the wall;


Saturday, 13 Rabi Al Thani 1426
Fajr: 03:17
Shurooq: 05:14

Nearly there. Forensic notes don't look that tantalizing anymore when you're all foggy up there. The thought of what I learnt this evening crossed my mind. Reading what Sayyid Qutb has said in Muqaddimah Tafsir Fizilalil Quran, this chunk of words left me stumbled into amazement, learning Sayyid Qutb who was a famous philosopher, this analogy he made was purely simple, yet full of thoughts. I'm not really great with words, yet this simplicity caught me.

Umat manusia yang diciptakan Allah ini tidak dapat dibuka pintu fitrah yang tertutup itu melainkan dengan anak-anak kunci dari ciptaan Allah dan penyakit-penyakitnya tidak boleh diubati melainkan dengan penawar yang dicipta oleh Allah S.W.T. Allah telah menyediakan di dalam sistem hidup yang diaturkan oleh-Nya itu anak-anak kunci untuk membuka segala pintu yang tertutup dan penawar untuk mengubati segala penyakit.

Tetapi malangnya umat manusia tidak mahu mengembalikan ibu kunci kepada tukang pembuatnya dan tidak mahu membawa orang sakit kepada penciptanya. Mereka tidak bertindak dalam urusan diri mereka, kemanusiaan mereka, kebahagiaan atau kecelakaan mereka seperti mereka bertindak dalam urusan mesin-mesin dan alat-alat murah yang digunakan mereka dalam keperluan seharian mereka yang kecil. Mereka tahu jika mesin-mesin dan alat-alat itu rosak mereka akan memanggil mekanik kilang yang membuat mesin itu untuk memperbaikinya, tetapi mereka tidak menggunakan peraturan ini dalam usaha membetulkan manusia sendiri, dengan mengembalikan mereka kepada kilang yang mengeluarkan mereka dan tidak meminta petua dari Allah Pencipta yang telah mengadakan mesin-mesin manusia yang mengkagumkan ini, iaitu mesin manusia yang besar, mulia, halus dan seni, mesin yang tidak diketahui liku-liku dan pintu-pintunya melainkan oleh tukang yang membuatnya sendiri.


And yet, when we're feeling sad or depressed, why is it that music or sleeping or eating we first do when we know the correct manual in fixing the damage lies in our very own Mekanik Kilang, yakni our Creator, Allah S.W.T.

It's like sending our broken Kenwood Smoothies Maker Jr. to a Pensonic factory for a repair, which result's totally wasteful.

"Sesungguhnya Allah amat mengetahui segala isi hati. Apakah Allah yang telah menciptakan (kamu) tidak mengetahui (isi hati kamu), sedangkan Dialah Yang Maha Halus dan Maha Mendalam Ilmu-Nya." (Surah Al-Mulk: 13-14)

Thursday, May 19, 2005

when you think you're busy studying..

1. SCHOOLS YOU'VE ATTENDED?
Tadika Petronas Kerteh, Taski An-Nur Kerteh, Sekolah Kebangsaan Tebing Tembah Paka, Sekolah Kebangsaan Sura Dungun, Sekolah Seri Puteri KL, Kolej Chermai Serting, RCSI (pjg sgt nak tulih)

2. WHAT IS THE WALLPAPER ON YOUR CELLPHONE?
I don't have a cellphone for about, emm lemme see..2 months now, or more.

3. DID YOU GET ENOUGH SLEEP LAST NIGHT?
More than enough, but I woke up with 3 different weird dreams. They're torturing me..

4. FIRST THING YOU THOUGHT ABOUT THIS MORNING WHEN YOU WOKE UP?
"aku nampak cahaya..aa..dah siang rupanya.."

5. WHAT DO YOU HAVE AT YOUR BEDSIDE?
Pink wall on the right, gobok baju on left. On the pink wall is my fav item, Naqib's masterpiece, a kad raya he sent me with "SELAMAT HARI RAYA DEKAT IRELAND, KESIAN ACU..."

6. EVER TRIED TO SKIP MEALS?
Not an attempt, more like have-to. M a weely busy woman..yeah rite..

7. GRILLED OR FRIED?
Grilled!

8. WHAT MAKES YOU UNIQUE FROM OTHERS?
I don't like what most people like, meaning; no pink, no Siti Nurhaliza. Be different, but nice different..

9. ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK?
Not really, only when the thought of how dark is it gonna be in kubur after death crossed my mind, that scares out of me.

10. FAVORITE HANGOUT?
No place in particular. I love being in coffeeshops, any of 'em. The beautiful smell of coffee, hmm~.

11. THINGS YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT?
If it's a thing, then it's gonna be mom's wristwatch she gave me a year ago.

12. FIRST THING YOU WILL BUY IF GIVEN 1 THOUSAND DOLLARS?
For now, of course a mobilephone. Putting that aside, I think it's gonna be a pair of comfy shoes. As the name implies, I'm crazy for shoes.

13. FAVORITE SONG WHEN YOU'RE SLEEPY?
Percayakan Padaku (SO7)

14. WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?
mati ketika rehat dalam berjuang

15. ARE YOU WILLING NOT TO TAKE A BATH FOR ONE DAY?
appada soklan ni..

16. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
Shoe, Shouta, Acu, Si Tembam Manis (long ago when I was a kid, thanks bro, U really 'made' my day)

17. MOST RECENT MOVIE THAT YOU WATCHED?
Notting Hill. After a long sit on the DVD rack, I opened my heart for Julia Roberts. Told ya I'm not into things most people love.

18. INVISIBLE FOR A DAY, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
Do you really think that's gonna happen?

19. STUCK ON A DESERT ISLAND & COULD HAVE ONLY ONEKIND OF FOOD FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE,WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Mak's asam pedas, nothing more tantalizing.

20.FAVORITE T.V. COMMERCIAL?
Charleville Cheese's. The one when the mother sleepwalking and went to the fridge trying to find the cheeseAre you OK there love?.

And also Kellog's FrostiesOw no, we ge'in a sista.


21. IF YOU'LL DIE TOMORROW, WHAT WILL YOU DO?
That's tricky. If only one knows when he's gonna die..

22. FIRST THING YOU'LL SAVE IN A FIRE?
Passport, purse, mom's wristwatch.

23. WHAT ARE THE THINGS YOU ALWAYS CARRY?
My complete survival kit. U wouldn't believe it if I mentioned 'em all.

24.WHAT DID YOU WANNA BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID?
Pegawai polis, I'm serious.

25. WHAT DO YOU USUALLY DO WHEN THE CLOCK TURNS 7AM?
These days, still sleeping.

26. THE COLOR OF YOUR BEDSHEET?
Green!

27. WHO DO YOU WANT TO MEET TODAY?
Khamis, 19 May? adala..(u wish)

28. PIERCINGS YOU HAVE AND WANT?
Not a piercing junkie

29. WHAT'S YOUR WORST TRAIT?
Big time procrastinator. Also bad in remembering places and dates. If you see me wandering around looking confused, just know that I might be lost there though you think it's the most impossible place one could get lost. My bad..

30. YOUR PLAN FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR?
Don't get me started on this..

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

On the verge of an Ethicist's mind

I was about to land on planet Mars when these interesting lines wrecked my mother ship and pulled me back to planet earth;

"It is certainly not permissable to commit euthanasia and assisted suicide in Ireland. If you asked is it possible for the law to change with time, well right now abortion is still far from legal in Irish law, what'd u think about those more advanced ethical issues?"

"BUT, we are LUCKY that we're closed to the United Kingdom where Irish'd go for abortion, and also Switzerland where euthanasia is legal. Well, though our jurisprudence doesn't allow assisted suicide, euthanasia and abortion, we don't have the rights to prevent our people from travelling to the countries which jurisprudences allow those acts to commit one."


And he added,

"The only problem with that is, this law is selectively advantageous to those of financially capables, leaving the other group with no choice."

"And also, holiday euthanasia is still illegal in Switze." (grinning)


I was thinking, what kind of sick joke is this? U outlined a legislation for the people in your country, but you know the law is not good enough to prevent your citizens to commit what's impermissables, that your own people have to go out to another countries of permissable laws to commit what's not permitted in your jurisprudence!?

Any of you members of the laws reading this might think how stupid and ignorance I am thinking the way I did. But I say, lame, U know that man-made laws are dirtied with flaws but U still don't bothered to refer to what's outlined in the perfect jurisprudence of God's laws.

(Oh how dare I say those lines when I'm not even empowered with voting rights, well, not yet..)

Sometimes, I just pitied those Ethicists who squashed their brains out trying to put a bit of sense if there's any in an unduly act, recreating new phrases in Ethical thesaurus like Natural Forces, avoiding to seeing anything using the religious windows so that not sounded bound to what's written by God's laws instead allowing people to use logics and etiquettes. I wonder whether all these while they've already noticed the presence righteousness of God's laws but they ignored, or they're just plain ignorant.

Dear Mr Lecturer, please don't failed my Ethics paper if you ever read this..

Sigh..

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Aku dan Lagu

Sedang aku 'melompat' dari satu webpage ke webpage yang lain, tiba-tiba ternampak link ke artikel yang berbunyi begini; Music And Singing - A Detailed Article. Ini bukan kali pertama aku jumpa artikel macam ni, dah banyak kali rasanya soalan-soalan seumpamanya diutarakan di portal web Islam, tak kisahlah Islam Online ke, Eramuslim ke, rasanya Al-Akhbar pun pernah keluarkan artikel ni dalam salah satu keluarannya. Yang mana satu aku pun dah lupa. Apa-apa pun, mula-mula hati ini rasa macam reluctant nak klik ke link tu, alah perkara biasalah yang dibincangkan agaknya, muzik itu haram kerana ia menjauhkan kita daripada mengingati Allah swt dan membawa kita kepada perkara-perkara kemaksiatan. Pergh, macam senang aja buat ayat tadi, dah terbiasa ikut skema jawapan Pendidikan Islam Tingkatan 5. Tapi sejauh mana aku ambil kisah pasal ayat tadi? Betul ke aku tahu? Betul ke perkara tu biasa bagi aku?

Lepas 10 saat aku terfikir, I guess it makes no harm in reading it again. Deep down aku tahu sebenarnya aku cuba tipu diri sendiri, kereluctantan yang terbit dari hati tadi bukanlah sebab skema jawapan di atas, tapi sebab aku tahu bila baca artikel tu nanti, dia jadi macam fenomena bagai rusa menanduk bukit, bukit tak rosak tanduk yang patah, err salah pepatah, yang itu ditaja oleh pemberita sensasi TV3. Sebenarnya aku lebih gerun kepada seperti meludah ke langit, jatuh splattt ke muka sendiri. Boleh bayangkan tak?

Akupun dengan penuh debaran klik ke link tersebut. Sedang page tu diupload terfikir jugak betapa goyahnya akidah aku ni, nak membersihkan jiwa pun serasa ragu-ragu. Kalah dengan bisikan makhluk merah bertanduk dan berserampang 3 mata tu.

Lup..dup..lup..dup..

(bunyi sebenar jantung kita, bukanlah dup dap dup dap seperti yang diwarwarkan oleh media massa sebelum ni)

Satu persatu perkataan yang ada dalam artikel tu aku baca dengan berhati-hati, sambil mengangguk-anggukkan kepala. Kadang-kadang tersenyum sinis, banyak kali jugak terbit perasaan seperti nak teriak adddoooiii!! dalam jiwa ni dek panahan ayat yang kena tepat dalam hati. There goes the goblet of your saliva on your own face, dear. Serve u just right.

Habis baca, aku duk termenung kejap. Berfikir. Hidup aku dari kecil dah disumbat dengan muzik. Seingat aku masa darjah tiga aku dah hafal lagu-lagu Roxette, duo dari Sweden tu. Suatu hari masa darjah empat English teacher aku tanya siapa yang tahu nyanyi lagu Inggeris waktu kelas B.I, dengan bangga aku angkat tangan. Ada dua orang je yang tahu masa tu, aku dengan Afina. Dua-dua orang luar yang background keluarga bukan orang Dungun, walaupun aku ni kelahiran negeri keropok lekor tu juga. Lepas tu aku ni memilih, tak mainlah lagu Melayu, nak yang international aja. Huh berlagak habis. Sampailah sekarang pun tak ada selera dengan lagu Melayu, kecuali beberapa yang ada "kisah" disebaliknya. Tapi ada pengecualian yang eksklusif pada lagu-lagu dari "seberang". U know who am I referring to.

Minat jadi lebih mendalam bila masuk sekolah menengah. Masa zaman-zaman chatting dulu banyak persahabatan aku bina dengan geng chatting berdasarkan minat yang sama. Pernah seorang kawan chatting dari sekolah agama tegur aku bila aku cakap aku suka lagu Let The Music Heals Your Soul nyanyian Bravo All-Stars. Katanya hanya Allah yang dapat mengubati hati kita bukan muzik. Point taken, tapi lagu tu tetap kadang-kadang meniti-niti di bibir ni. Ketegaq aku nih. Nak dijadikan cerita aku baru dapat tahu kawan lama aku tu letakkan statusnya sekarang sebagai music is my ultimate healerzz. Aku doakan Allah bukakan hatinya untuk renung balik apa yang pernah dia nasihatkan pada aku dulu.

Berbalik pada cerita, bila baca artikel tu terfikir kebenaran poin-poin yang ingin disampaikan. Diterangkan di situ dengan nada dan tona suara yang dilunakkan oleh peti suara (vocal cords) seseorang, dengan mudah kita boleh terpikat dengan individu tersebut, walaupun kita tak tahu macam mana wajah sebenar dia. Terfikir juga macam mana aku boleh minat bebenor dengan lagu-lagu dan juga kumpulan Sheila On 7, Dewa, PeterPan, yang mana in truth kalau nak dibandingkan wajah-wajah vokalis kumpulan-kumpulan tu, tak kurang lebih sikit macam pekerja-pekerja kontrak Indonesia yang buat bangunan dekat KL. Ataupun PATI yang sekali-sekala masuk Buletin Utama TV3, bak kata kawan jauh aku Alif, yakni Pendatang Asing Tanpa Izin. Bila dah jatuh cinta tu semuanya dipandang cantik, tak kisahlah Indon ke apa. Apatah lagi kalau diberi penyanyi-penyanyi kumpulan seperti Il Divo yang tampan lagi kacak belaka tu, lagilah cair dibuatnya.

Dalam artikel tu juga ada diceritakan pasal the physical effects of music yang mana diterangkan sebenarnya bukan saja hanya otak kita yang dapat direct effects dari muzik yang dimainkan malahan juga organ-organ lain di seluruh badan. Yang paling mendapat kesan sekali pastilah otak yang mentafsir input yang diterima dari telinga, kerana itulah pelbagai emosi boleh dilahirkan daripada hanya mendengar satu lagu. Sebab itulah aku rasa remaja belasan tahun boleh meraung habis-habisan bila dengar vokalis kumpulan New Boys nyanyi lagu 'Meraung', agaknya sebab sedih sangat dengar melodi ataupun liriknya, tengok sajalah tajuk lagunya pun dah bunyi Meraung. Tak tahulah macam mana isinya, akupun tak pernah dengar lagu tu sebenarnya. Tapi teringat masa zaman menengah rendah di sekolah menengah dulu, cikgu subjek geografi aku tiap-tiap tahun akan buat pertandingan gubah lagu geografi di mana para pelajar dimestikan untuk cipta lagu yang liriknya berunsurkan geografi tapi bolehlah menggunakan melodi lagu-lagu yang sedia ada. Tujuannya mudah, supaya pelajar lebih ingat fakta-fakta dalam lagu tu. Bertungkus lumuslah aku dengan Anot, tablemate aku masa tingkatan satu cipta lagu, hasilnya kami gubah lagu Aisyah - Janji Manismu kepada fakta geografi berkaitan dengan kawasan tundra. Sampai sekarang aku masih ingat lagu tu, dan juga beberapa lagu lain yang kawan-kawan aku cipta. Ternyata usaha cikgu aku berjaya. Tapi usaha penggubah lirik semasa agaknya lagi berjaya. Sebab itu rasanya aku lagi banyak ingat lirik lagu daripada jenis-jenis virus yang menghasilkan haemorrhagic fever symptoms yang baru saja aku belajar dalam kuliah hari ni.


Ais membeku menandakan
Suhu di tahap beku..ooohh..
Eskimo tinggal di igloo..

(cuba nyanyi menggunakan korus lagu Janji Manismu dendangan Aisyah, masuk tak liriknya?)

Bak kata ustaz, ini bukan lagi kes muzik itu melalaikan. Sebab remaja zaman I.T ni semuanya sudah bijak pandai menguruskan masa. Akupun selalu cakap dalam hati, 'alah, aku tak lalai pun dengar lagu ni, masuk waktu solat aku berhentila dengar.' Dia kata ini sudah jadi kes adakah dengan mendengar lagu Westlife, lepas habis setiap lagu tu, kita ambil pisau kemudian toreh poster-poster Westlife yang ada dekat dinding bilik kita? Atau dengan kata lainnya adakah perasaan benci kita terhadap Westlife makin tebal setiap kali lepas habis dengar seround album Coast to Coast? Skema jawapannya pastilah tidakkan, skema yang ustaz beri pula berbunyi; kerana setiap kali kita dengar lagu-lagu Westlife tu, sikit demi sedikit perasaan suka pada kumpulan Westlife dan lagu-lagunya akan menghakis perasaan benci pada kekafiran dalam hati kita. Minta dijauhkan hendak-Nya.

Aku fikir, entahlah, semuanya ada depan mata. Tinggal nak buat atau tidak. Aku memang lemah, sudahlah asas yang ada masih goyah, nak bersihkan jiwa pun dibayangi keraguan lagi. Nak salahkan keluarga ke? Seingat aku masa kecil dulu Mak tak putus asa ajar kami hal agama, masa raya instead of beri duit raya sebagai ang pau, Mak beri buku-buku nipis tentang kisah para sahabat dan kisah perang pada sepupu-sepapat. Ada lagi tersimpan beberapa buah buku kot di rak buku di rumah tu. Tapi sekarang? Aku hanya mampu tersengih aja bila orang tanya ingat lagi tak pasal Perang Badar? Jadi salah siapa sebenarnya ye?

Kalau dulu para sahabat ketika turunnya perintah bahawa arak itu haram, without questioning semuanya yang tengah teguk arak di tangan terus campakkan botol arak tu. Begitu kuat sekali akidah mereka Rasulullah s.a.w bentuk sampaikan patuh perintah Allah tanpa sekelumit rasa ragu-ragu. Agaknya aku ni bila diberitahu jangan support barang Israel, selagi handphone Nokia tu tak rosak jangan haraplah nak beli handphone baru brand yang lain. Jimat beb. Walaupun dah tahu dan dah tengok macam mana kejinya orang-orang Israel tu bunuh orang Islam, tapi masih tak terdorong nak buat benda yang sepatutnya ye. Hai apalah taraf aku ni kalau dibandingkan dengan umat di zaman Nabi s.a.w dulu agaknya..

Cakap-cakap macam ni memang senang nak buat, tapi nak ubah suatu kebiasaan tu cukup menyeksakan. Sebab pokok pangkalnya akar pohon akidah masih belum cukup tunjang dan kukuh. Tapi mungkin dengan baja yang baik, pesticide yang berkualiti, siraman air yang mencukupi, sikit demi sikit dengan izin-Nya akan menghasilkan dedaun dan buahan yang segar bugar hasil dari akar yang kukuh. Bercakap guna analogi ni macam terlalu idealistik bunyinya, baiklah mari kita jadi lebih realistik. Semoga dengan azam yang kuat dan juga bantuan-Nya, aku dapat ubah persepsi aku terhadap muzik. Tak salah berhibur, cuma perlu kena pada caranya. Minta bantuan rakan-rakan supaya ingatkan aku bila aku lupa. Memanglah aku ni selalu terlupa.

Kepada yang tertanya-tanya mana aku baca artikel tu, silakan baca bersama. Semoga kita dapat ambil iktibar daripadanya. Eh, apa tunggu lagi tu, jom klik di sini.

"Ya Allah, sesungguhnya aku bermohon supaya Engkau melindungi aku daripada kejahatan pendengaranku, pandanganku, pertuturanku, hatiku, dan juga daripada kejahatan mengungkit-ungkit. Amin."

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Fishing Trip


One, two, three, four, five
Once I caught a fish alive
Six, seven, eight, nine, ten
Then I let it go again..

It was Sunday, May 8th and the day was not as bright as we hoped it'd be. Still there were sunny spells over time. Just recovering from a bad headache the night before, I was hoping this trip would lighten things up. The fact was it did. We went by a rental car with 5 other cars including K.Di's, K.Mai's and K.Sumai's. That means there were KIDS along, which I love most!

It only took not an hour to get to the fishing site which was in Glendalough, Co. Wicklow. Sounds familiar? Yep that was where we had our PUISI last December if u still remember. It was a pond where they rear fishes, so technically we were not really fishing but catching or buying fishes instead. Hoho. 5 seconds or less what it needs after putting the hook in the pondwater and zaas u caught one already. But it wasn't as easy as it sounded actually, over times the fishes became a bit clever by just eating the bait and escaped. Habis jugak setin umpan tu depa makan. Fast learner they are.

Guess who made the FIRST catch of the day? Of course, that'd be me! ^_^. Overall we managed to catch 25 fishes as targetted, clean them, marinade, and headed to the barbecue site.

PICT1783
Before eating

The fishes are all rainbow trout with beautiful salmon-like taste. And it was like clashes of civilisation when eating them with air asam pedas, but well who cares? It was ages since I had fish so that was really what I called payback time. Each of us got one, but when u share it felt like u had more! That's the beauty of it..

PICT1794
Katun khusyu' membakar ikan, dibantu oleh pengipas-pengipas yang setia, dan pemerhati tetap

Alhamdulillah, syukur rezki Tuhan kasi..

Reaching home at about 5 in the evening, felt like I was sweating fish-oils (OK that's gross). Takbley jadi ni. I decided to follow my healthy-conscious neighbours to go for a jog around the canal at 7. Changing the fish-smelled attires into an appropriate one, I felt something in my trousers pocket. Reaching down, there were few one ringgit notes in there.

PICT1809
Tadaa..magic kan?? Hoho

Superstitious me interpreted that as a sign of home is weeeely near..

For a full album, do visit my fotopages.

Monday, May 09, 2005

home-sick

Back to norm is hard when you're used to being in odd situations. I fell into emptiness when I do nothing, then felt refuel again knowing I have God above to hold on to. Man how time crawls, it's ripping me apart to finally reach the day of back in my safe haven. Dreams are sweet when you're sleeping, turning sour when awake knowing they're just what your subconscious-side playing on you. These days I cannot sit still for lectures not even an hour, maybe I have attention deficit disorder, maybe. Ways to keep occupied, I'm back on my two feet, between those four brick walls, a racquet in a hand, a punctured rubber ball in another, an opponent across, it's really on, back like before; me and squash. Between times, it's nice to shed endorphines while sipping fresh evening air trying hard to finish few lapses of canal-tour realizing it's difficult to do that after all the fattening food consumed. Well yeah, if you still don't know, endorphine's supposed to make u feel fresh and happy. Or is it still not?

Other than that, studies' been really hard to initiate, feel like I've forgotten how to study. Final forensic medicine, epidemiology and ethics, and tropical medicine coming and why am I filling my brain with things unnecessaries. It's hard to concentrate when all u have up there is h.o.m.e. All these while I've been keeping it inside, ignoring the feelings, and when it's finally heigthen to the very max, it just came pouring and all I know now is I am terribly homesick. And it's tiring when the feelings turned into an anxiety form, knowing the headaches, achings, nightmares I've been having are all results of missing-home sickness.

udins wedding 007 copy2
Family album

I guess everyone has his or her own bad moments.

Mine's now.

Monday, May 02, 2005

kah-win

"Mak, orang pegi kursus kawen Sabtu ni!"

Imagine how my mom reacted when I said that. Typical mind-set of ordinary Malaysians; kursus kahwin = nak kahwin lagi 2 bulan. I just smiled when I promoted this programme to fellow friends when they said,"Takpela tak bersedia lagi, nanti nak pegi dengan pasangan. Kalau duduk dengar kursus yang sama, baru dapat kefahaman yang sama." I thought, 'Ada pulak kefahaman ilmu lain-lain yang di ajar dalam kursus yang lain yek. Bukan semua guna module yang sama ker?'

So it went fine, I had strong supports from my friends, housemates, neighbours who turned up for the programme when I thought no one's interested anymore with exam's coming over and such. Terharu~~.

Even more, and even funnier, ahlul bait 71 Grove Park came home with everyone the next day in their own room doing finishing touch on the previous Kursus Kahwin by listening to Ustaz Salam's recording of Seminar Cinta: Apabila Baju Kurung Bertemu Baju Melayu. U should see how everyone's face glowing macam pinggan kena basuh dengan sabun Sunlight Gold. Sabar rakan-rakanku..masanya pasti akan tiba..

;)

"Ya Allah, kurniakan kami cinta lelaki yang mencintai-Mu"