terima kasih tummy trim..!! setelah menggunakan produk ini, saya..(sambung sendiri)

I was handling the shirt to be paid at the till in X shop, when the girl at the counter asked me,

"Do you bring your student card with you? We have 10% discount for students."

I smiled back at her, reasons because

1. I got 10% discount on the shirt. But most importantly,
2. I don't have to start thinking about the anti-wrinkle products, not as yet!

Ngehee..*sengih*

the end of a quarter

Last Friday marked the full first quarter of the journey as an intern. And also entering the second half of madrasah Ramadhan. Man time really flies.

Words travelled about the intern evaluations done by the intern tutor; where we were graded by our dear consultants, asked for feedbacks and discussed on future directions. Some can proudly smile coming out of the room, some were just numbed. Myself, I can safely say that it's been an honor working with the two prominent Profs.

It has been a little emotional lately. The new team exhibited intense negative force which sometimes seemed unbearable. Though not directly projected towards me (and nothing to do with me), the tensed and sour environment I was in most of the time turned me into this kinda - unhappy - person at work. It reached its peak on Friday when the joined Consultant handed me my SHO's bleep. Yep he's gone from the team, going to a different hospital and we'll be getting a new SHO starting Monday. I was dumbfounded. I wish I had given my testimony prudently to support him. I will surely miss his presence come Monday.

Here professionalism works in line with the system. A little glitch will be fixed, and there's always a way out in a civilized manner. But still, it'll be better if it didn't happen at a first place. Now that I'm getting a new SHO. I can be resistant to changes sometimes if you don't know..

It kinda suck. But the good thing is I'll be gone in a week's time for my annual leave. My mind will be at ease for the 2 weeks. And this whole phenomenon really supports my previous theory - your beauty really glows when you're a lot nicer to people believe me.

Ah hospital politics again..

esok hari keje lagi

He he. Thanks Sher. U made my night.

Few of the cystic fibrosis patients were discharged today. I was a bit sad. Attached again, wrong move. It's just that they're so young and has been through a lot.

One guy in particular has the bad end of the disease, being in and out of the hospital all the times despite being very compliant to treatments. Boy he was bored, he started making stories to the medical students I sent to speak to him about smoking heroin/marijuana, and one time 'confessed' to my SHO that he has only one testicle. The SHO, being him, took his words without a doubt. I was cracked knowing the stories later on.

I have a confession to make too.

At this moment, next 2 weeks, guess where I'd be?




HOME.


Sweet..

ah, post-call state this is

Do you have a boyfriend?
No, good friends.
Well then I don't know what he's doing not proposing you. He's missing something great.

Not my conversation don't worry.

This was mine.

You're very lovely.
Ah thanks, you're being nice.
No I mean it anytime.

When you hear this from a stranger in the middle of the night; after been working more than 20 hours, in your sloppiest state (eye bags, skewed tudung, scrub suit), it just left you in great sublimity. Make sure you're not hallucinating though.

I learned a lot from my patients. At present we have 3 patients with lung cancer. One of them held my hand today and asked, how long does he have more to live? What do I say? What would you say? Another one deteriorated badly after thefirst session of radiotherapy. As if something's gonna happen, she was holding tears when she said her biggest thanks to the team for taking care of her since admission.

Another lady I met in the endoscopy suite while preparing her for bronchoscopy. She was the happiest person I've ever met going for the procedure. She whispered to me about 'the shadow' Prof found on her chest x-ray, hence the bronchoscopy today. Her children asked what was it about. She answered it's nothing, and she'd be fine. I made a joke about the possibility of her being in denial state. She said, yeah, but she'll fight whatsoever.

So much for the school of life.

cuti

My first day off since I started working 2 and 1/2 months ago. It feels so good to go back to bed and wake up late on a Friday morning. Man I almost forgot how it feels like!

The weather has started to get colder. I used to leave the window open for some fresh air in the room, now I barely can do anything from shivering if I do so. Yesterday for the first time we turned on the heater in the house. I thought I could bear the cold after 5 cycles of Irish winter, clearly I don't know myself that much. Geez I miss home.

Here's Doraemon for you. Enjoy! (I certainly did). I'm thinking of making something sweet and homey. Probably kuih ketayap or onde-onde. I don't know.



(The fact is I want mommy! I'm such a lazy ass..)

selamat berpuasa, minta maaf ye..

Ramadhan Mubarak everyone!

I started the month back in my old team. Just when my heart has fallen into the new team fully, I have to restart things all over again. It's hard, the dynamic of team somehow feels a bit off. Nonetheless, who am I to complaint. Dah kuli kan..

Luckily there are friends for quick comfort measures. Probably one of those blessings in disguise..

Doing on-call when you're fasting is way too challenging. At the end of the night when my sugar's a bit low (from just breaking the fast with water and nothing else) and my temper's gone elsewhere but with me (too tired to be mad), I uttered the words to my colleague - You're either gonna die young having a sexually transmitted disease, or being the 1st medical intern on-call tonight - I was exaggerating though.

I made a promise to myself to stop looking at those cute things on the wards, OK to be exact those tall and tanned scruffy curly hair thing with cute accent. MashaAllah, jaga mata..

The other part of coming out from a difficult situation i.e a tough night on-call, the pressuring team members, etc - is the treat for self-reward. I remember spending more than 50bucks on stupid sundries in the hypermart after having a tough day. And coming home feeling even worse when thinking about the money stupidly spent. You know one of those gratification that works in a mysterious way when you're reaching out on the stuff displayed on the shelves. Women, haish..

This time on-call I bought myself the real reward I've been waiting for. As for now as long as I smell like amber and rose, I'm a one happy miserable intern..

So hope you guys have a blessed Ramadhan. InshaAllah we'll work our way through this, hopefully it'll be one of the best months we've had.

a little love on the toast

Happy weekend.

I'm a little distraught by the fact that friendster is displaying wedding photos like a catalogue. I don't know how should I react towards them. Panicked? Pressured? Happy? Inspired? Yeah inspired probably. (Yer right..)

Congratulations and the best of luck to another batch of Irish graduates to start working next week. I really miss you guys I do!

Sunday has always been very slow and a lot of thoughts put on it. I realized I should stop watching Asian dramas on love stories, sad ending love, heartbroken lover, short lasting marriage; the negativities just put the mood on the low side really.

Mom's wisdoms counter react with everything, so I managed to kick the duvet out and woke up to another Sunday. Hence the love on the toast~

Tomorrow's another day. Let's just forget about it for the moment and enjoy Sunday..

so I heard it's coming

It's gonna be Ramadhan next week. One of my colleagues asked about it and put on a pity-you intonation on to it with - owh is it really, I don't know how are you gonna survive - and later surprised when I answered - I'm actually really looking forward to the month - with my honest and no-single-doubt expression on to it.

The fact is I am really honestly. It's just that the year has been long, and a weak being like me who sometimes loses touch on the continuity of my amal needs a good month to remind me to rejuvenate my weaken imaan, before it's too late I supposed.

I still remember clearly the past Ramadhan spent here. One of the best things I would miss this year would be praying tarawikh with my housemates. We would take turns to lead the prayers, on some days when the tummies were full from overeating and the eyes were too heavy, we would remind each other about the wrong verses recited. After that we would go into our rooms and started reading the Quran. It was like a race with time, a month was too short for the 30 juzk and being females, well you know the story. So imagine the final nights of the month when everyone's catching up with the lagged juzk, you could hear from the lounge the tranquility of silence broken by some slow voices of verses from the Quran being recited. So peaceful.

As with last year, I got a special delivery of dates (tamar) from an Arab friend, this year even before Ramadhan. Simply one of the best bunch I've ever had, just because they're picked and given to me fresh from the trees.

I had dreams that this year I'd spend Ramadhan at home, after years being away. In my dreams mom served me warm milk with dates for suhoor, and we'd still be around the table though half-asleep and not eating. Breakfasting would be colourful and varieties, mostly on drinks. My sisters and I would follow mum and dad to the mosque for tarawikh. Oh you know the guys in the family, they'd go in their own cars. Moreh is something to look forward to, as always. Towards the end of the month the sisters and I would start baking cookies and cakes. A lot new recipes, a lot of fun.

Hmm. I guess dreams would be dreams.



1. Kids & bird (toy)
2. Mesmerizing
3. Jimmy
4. Happy hours
5. Naqib

Alas, Ramadhan Kareem everyone!

the hospital school

Things that I've learned so far

1. Politics take place at lunchtime. Backstabbing, lobbying, (bribery), secret handshakes, etc - the usual political stuff.. *yawn*

2. Most she-doctors and staffs who are not nice are not good looking, at all. I'm cruel, whatever.

3. Most surgeons think they rule the world hence tend to belittle everyone else.

4. Physicians are nicer than surgeons.

If only I can invent a nice-meter that goes beeping going nearer to someone cruel, then only I can produce a paper entitled, "Physicians vs. Surgeons: Nature vs. Nurture. A Paper Looking Into Behavioural Difference Among Physicians & Surgeons."

Nice. (And I'll name my invention something like NICEX 1000).

5. Cute he-staffs are fast access and therapeutics whenever you need them. Thank God for them.

6. A dynamic combo translates: too young and too cute to become a senior doctor, too brilliant not to, too humble for someone too brilliant, too nice and too cute to be resisted. Did I mention too cute twice?

7. Be careful of what you're saying, on some days you'll ended up eating your own spit.

8. The amount of calories in a large pack of crisps are calculated as: cholesterol plaques on your coronary arteries, extra flat tyres on your tummy, extra chicken wings (your own wings to be exact).

9. Exercise is good to boost your immune system. Apparently all of the daily walkings are not considered as an exercise. Squashy racket please!

10. My mum is great. She knows her daughter very well. She gave her tempoyak and ikan bilis goreng cili api to be eaten with steaming hot rice whenever she's too busy (lazy) to cook afterwork. She loves her unconditionally.

Learned just about enough for the day. Let's go and eat nasik with tempoyak!

the one with the job (as if I have more interesting topic to talk about..)

A good movie is the one that never fails to push your emotion buttons correctly all through though watching over and over again. (OK I cried at the scene when Gandalf fell into the Shadow in the cave of Moria. I was watching the movie alone and was damn lonely and scared. So what?)

Great to hear some news from Aneesa. The job I'm doing here is nothing physically challenged as the jobs my friends are doing at home. I mean it is just physically demanding - long hours of working and 7 days a week job with on-calls on every other day. Man. I salute you guys I really do.

Doing what I'm doing now (5 days a week, on-call 3 times per month +/- weekends) I've already lost some of my interests in food (hospital food that is - not so appealing), things beside medicine (on the way to re-developing my interest back) and of course social life. I can't imagine how'd my life be at home.

The thing is, different place promises different things for you. Here I would say it is more mentally demanding (at least for me). You start with jobs that you do blindly, but not long after that everything needs some reasonings. With no good reasoning skills jobs can never get done. You have to struggle to be en par with your Western colleagues who seem to cope very well with their own people. On some days it says - Oh let me help you lovely Asian Doctor - and proceed, and on another it is - This is one of the most ridiculous request I've ever heard, I don't know if this gonna change the management at all, and whom do you say you work with again?!?! -

And being me, who don't tolerate rejections with weak excuses very well, I tend to get frustrated very easily. So at times I pack my lunch and eat it in the prayer room as an escapade, at least I don't twist my tongue speaking English while eating my bland sandwiches.

At those times you really wish you're at home working 7 days a week and on-call on every other night. At least you'll eat rice with nice dishes and air buah, satay or mee mamak; basically gratify your appetite with your own Eastern rations whenever you're sad or frustrated, and see your family once in a short while. Life makes more sense that way you think?

Oh well, either way it is gonna be tough on its own different way. So what do you do? Swallow the pills and embrace the journey..

It is indeed like Frodo Baggins the ring bearer on a first part of the trilogy, the journey's still long, even thinking about it tires your mind, you know there's gonna be good at the end of it, but until you're there, the dark journey shall continues...

OK a very bad analogy I know. I'm just swamped watching the movie for God-knows how many times now.