longing to be a Capoeirista

U remember when I posted a picture of people performing some sort of martial art at the Grafton St, and I said it was Ginga. Well to be definite, Ginga is the most basic move of Capoeira, the name of a well-known Brazilian martial art. And the weekend after that while I was walking at the Grafton St to buy a bus ticket, again there were people performing the same thing also. It was so cool that I couldn't resist to see them performing all over again, and I went back to the library searching for it over the internet. Great stuff, I couldn't stop thinking of it (and couldn't stop trying to do cart-wheel and few other moves at home, but yet FAILED, thanks to my exeggerated deposition of subcutaneous fat. I'll send U away I will).

Not long after that weekend, the college's Dance Society announced that they're going to do Capoeira classes for beginners, like a dream comes true for me. For the first week (last weekend) I was still considering of joining. People said yeah it's not wrong to just join for fun rite, but for me, when it is involving muscles work, it should be a continuous process and once U've stopped, the disuse of muscles would lead to what had happened to my body now. Flabby (I hate this word). Well I'm not a healthy junkie, I'll eat what I want and play sports to put colors in life, but some things ought te be taken seriously I guess, like thinking of a long-term consequences of every action I take.

Another thing, I remembered talking about this to Sani after the Islamic Society AGM a day before the first class. He said, "Buat ape nak belajar benda ni, kita kan ada Silat, buat ape nak belajar orang punye seni". OK firstly he was just joking, trying to irritate me in such way with his sarcastic face, I didn't mind at all. But then I told him "Susahla kalau camni, kalau takmo belajar langsung pasal budaya orang lain. Bukan ke orang Islam ni perlu ada at least sorg yg master dlm sesuatu bidang kat dlm dunia ni," (mementang baru habis AGM Islamic Soc). And then he said something that contributed to my lackness of assurance to join the class, "Ko tau tak setiap martial art ni ada satu budaya/agama yg dia last sekali akan based on, contohnya Silat atas agama Islam, cam Tomoi atas Budhha kot, ha ko tau ke Capoeira ni atas budaya/agama apa?" Well he got me there, I then told him that it's nothing wrong to find out about it, like join the class first and if something uneasy discovered, I could always back down. No harm in that. I went back home searching for it again over the internet, but I think I couldn't find anything about that. It's just that it originated from Brazil and now has spread to all over the world. I think it also has something to do with fighting racism or something like that. I dunno, if anyone has any idea about it, don't hesitate to tell me OK.

And today is the second Capoeira class in the college, thanks to myself, I opened my eyes this morning (after went to bed again after subuh) at quarter to eleven. Damn, I rushed to clean myself, packed up things and headed to the college. Reaching there, they were all in the middle of the class and I was afraid to interrupt. Well it was not scary as I thought it would be, AT ALL. I cursed myself again, this is why I guess some Malays are well behind from everyone, sifat malu dan takut yg terlampau sampai menghalang diri utk mencuba sesuatu yg baru utk kebaikan diri sendiri. I ought to improve myself in that, I SHOULD! If not I'll always be left behind or not even counted in every good things one could benefited from. So not long after that the class reached its end, I met Joanne who was in the class earlier, asking her how did it go, and she said it was great. I am sure to join it next week. I'll make a room for it, I will. God please help to make things easy for me.

Enough of the blabbering, I'm getting myself ready for the tennis practice at 4, if not for my bad attitude and low self-esteem, I wouldn't be missing the first class last week (other than the stomach ache I was having). Hope today proceeds on well, and yeah guess I have to break my fast in the middle of the tennis court today.

Ramadhan is a very good month to start everything, trust me.

It's Back: the Norovirus, I'm Back in Gastroenterology

Been a while huh. Yesterday was a Bank Holiday Monday, and I took a day off on Friday that would sum up to my 4 days of holidays for the weekend. Yippie, yip! I spent the whole 4 days going to bed again after subuh till I couldn't sleep anymore (err maybe until about 11am or so). And that was to cover up the insufficient sleep I had for the whole week Monday till Thursday when I woke up at half-four in the morning everyday. Even today I was still in the mood of sleeping but thinking that I have to get my OSLER done, I half-heartedly unroll the comfortable duvet, took a bath and ready for the suhoor.

Speaking of which, I was in the wards early today to look for a patient for OSLER, I mean earlier than Julie my Norwegian partner. Walking in St Teresa ward I saw posters hanging at the doors saying that the 'Winter Vomiting Virus' has infected the wards and telling visitors and health workers to take extra precautions for that. Actually it was around in Beaumont Hosp since few weeks back but only today or maybe over the weekend it has gotten into this ward and St Lawrence, the one just across. I asked Niamh my new, kind intern about this and she said few patients have been experiencing severe symptoms from the infection. So I was a bit intimidated by the fact that currently I'm not the most immunocompetent person to be in the wards and I am the type that's easily to get infected by bugs (always sneezing from the cold and bundle of tissue papers for extra care). But then I have to get a patient for my OSLER and also for a case presentation in front of the class this Thursday. Putting my health at a stake, I cursed myself for doing everything at the very last minutes (OSLER due Friday, Case Presentation due Thursday, on Tuesday I still have no patients). Big time procrastinator. Serve me right.

Luckily I managed to get a patient, take a history and do some physical examinations. The patient presented with few episodes of altered bowel habit. So it went fine, she was an easy patient. I asked about the alcohol history and she said she doesn't drink. So I said, cool. Later on I went to check on her chart. Guess what I found, she's a recovered alcoholic with a significant history of alcohol abuse. With that, she presented with a full-list of problems since about 10 years ago, manic depression, heart failure, etc. God, why on earth would these people ruin their body by drinking that forbidden liquid? Being in the Gastroenterology wards, I realized that most patients would be presenting with different types of problem and looking retrospectively, they'd all have a history of alcohol abuse. Seeing one, sometimes I felt like saying it to their faces, U know what, this is why Islam made it clear that we cannot drink alcohol, not because Islam is strict and injustice, (or Islam is a terrorist religion like they used to say) but it's the consequences that one could get from it, be it instantaneously or on a long term basis. But then I know I couldn't. That's not the right way to do so. What more could I do, pray may Allah opens their heart for the truth.

Oh yes, it’s my second week now in the new team and I’m already loving it. It’s like a new spirit for a new team. I have a very enthusiastic partner, Julie from Norway who’d always be in the wards as early as 8 am everyday. Now U know why I wake up at half-four everyday, don’t U? Apparently she lives just few minutes from the hospital, unlike me who has to take 2 busses to go there. Guess who’s suffering now. But it doesn’t matter, it’s for my own good anyway.

End now.

say a little prayer for them

Lately I've been missing my parents so much, especially when I was reading the Holy Koran. My heart pounded everytime I think of it, it brought me to remember how I used to be a bad daughter to them, and it made worst thinking that I won't have the chance to kiss their hands and foreheads asking for forgiveness this coming Eid. It's Abah that I think of most, well, not that I don't think about Mak but I always talk to her on the phone so I know things are going pretty OK with her. Abah's not feeling very well now, he had the same recurrent viral infection and this time it got his jaw. The surgery was done and I hope he's doing fine now, well last time I checked Mak told me he was OK. It brought me to remember the first time he was hospitalized for the same purpose, I went to visit him with my sister everyday and we would find him silently crying on the bed of the unbearable pain he had at the infected sites. I tried to hold back my tears but it was such a pain to see my strong dad crying in agony. I wondered how he's handling with it now, God thinking of it already make me shudders. I pray to You Allah The Almighty for my parents' good health and longevity. Ameen.




Mak, me and Abah before my first departure to Dublin. At that time he had the infection at his leg and he couldn't even stand up for long. Alhamdulillah the leg has cured now.

Missing Abah and Mak so much.

Ramadhan Mubarak

This year's Ramadhan is no differ than before, except the fact of having it with the 2 new people in my house. No routine change, alhamdulillah no hardship in facing the day despite the low blood glucose level. I think I've become a more organised person having to do many things in a day, I scheduled my routine carefully to make full use of the time. One great thing about Ramadhan is I wake up early everyday for solat and sahur that make me start my everyday chores earlier than usual. And it's true that when U start your day early and well, the whole day would proceed to become so well on U. And hey, it's a perfect timing to plan the diet now. The intake of food for my sahur is not too bad I guess; (try these, recommended by myself :p)

1. non-sugar based food: 3 tamar, 2 spoonful of honey with milk
2. an apple: the sugar in this fruit is released slowly as the day goes, unlike chocolate which is a source of fast sugar
3. a slice of whole-grain bread with some left-overs lauk from last night

Albeit, I've been eating so much for breakfasting, which in a way got me back to the zilch point in my so-called diet plan. And this doesn't include the incoming plan of iftar at the mosque with the delicious tandoori chicken rice. And other still-considering plans of breakfasting outside at a restaurant or any kebab house. But who can make one to not tasting the sweetness of Ramadhan during breakfasting God's promised?

By the way, I'm sharing this article with all. It's about the opposing forces we have in ourselves. It's a good one, go on read it. U'll be amazed to realize how true it is.
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Opposing Forces

Psychologically speaking, every person has two forces of work within him/her. One is the 'driving force', which pushes him towards some actions, and the other is the 'restraining force', which holds him back from others. Patience essentially harnesses the driving force to push us towards good things, and the restraining force to hold us back from actions that may be harmful to ourselves or others.

Some people have strong patience when it comes to doing what is good for them, but their patience is weak with regard to restraint from harmful actions, so we may find that a person has enough patience to perform acts of worship (Solah, Sawm, Hajj), but has no patience in controlling himself and refraining from following his whims and desires, and in this way he may commit haram deeds.

Conversely, some people may have strong patience in abstaining from forbidden deeds, but their patience in obeying commandments of and performing 'ibadah is too weak.

Some people have no patience in either case! And, needless to say, the best people are those who possess both types of patience.

So, a man may have plenty of patience when it comes to standing all night in prayer, and enduring whatever conditions of heat or cold may be prevalent, but have no patience at all when it comes to lowering his gaze and refraining from looking at women. Another may have no problem in controlling his gaze, but he lacks the patience which would make him enjoin the good and forbid the evil, and he is so weak and helpless that he cannot strive against against the kuffar and mushrikun.

Most people will be lacking in patience in any one case, and a few lack it in all cases...
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So which one exactly do U lack with?

last weekend

I decided to potray my last interesting weekend in a sequential order. Why? Coz I want to! (My mood is very good today despite the terrible autumn weather :-)

Started by Diamond Ball 2004 on Saturday Night, which was strictly for girls only. A good effort done by the college which clearly respects the culture and religion aspects of people like us who don't go to Freshers Ball or Annual Ball. So it was purely girls, no alcohol and halal food. Damn great, especially the vegetarian pasta, I still have the cheesy white cream saucey taste in my mouth. I can eat those for months without eating anything else I tell U. OK I'm exaggerating. But yeah it was a great night, though they were playing loads of Arabian-Indian remix kind of music, which at one point got us tired by just listening to them (what to do, their people dominated the party). At the end of the night, the majority of us (excluding me) were pretty sured to attend the belly-dancing class every Thursday evening in the college. That shows how we suck in belly-dancing.


Something from the party. That's Ailani on the left preparing to go home and me just getting the 'heat' of the night.

Sunday was the Sports Day for PMC (Penang Medical College) students, of the two traditional rivals RCSI vs. UCD. It's my annual event that I attend though I'm not a PMC student (who cares). So I was meant to play netball which was the first opening game in the morning but I woke up really late on that day of the tiredness from the ball, so by the time I reached the UCD sports center the Men's Basketball match has already begun. It's the favourite team so guess who won, OURS of course.


Defense mode. Look at the center, Mo who's a Kuwaiti. See? It's not only me who's a non-PMC. He's not even close, not even a Msian. Whatever, good job guys!


3 shot, or was it a 2.

Then it was the time for Women's Basketball. It's been a long time since I played a 'proper' game so I knew I might end up flat in the court. And the truth was I did (sigh). It was not so organised how we played the game as most of us just came and played, there were no proper practice or even proper positions, it was so like netball. The UCD team has only one anchor player whose others just passed the ball to her and she did all the shootings. Clearly she was the only one with the bball skills but even then we couldn't nail the team. That showed how inorganised our team was. I just played for two quarter-half, everyone seemed wanted to play but didn't contribute much going in the court (that includes me I guess). But that doesn't matter much, what's more important was the burning team spirit and the supportive fellow friends who were endlessly cheering for the team. And what matters most was we had a lot of fun, though I was a bit disappointed for the lost. Nevermind, there's always next year.


Some of the players. My disappointment showed on the face. It was a good game anyway.

I went back not long after that leaving the rest of the other games for the day, which I've been informed later that we lost the 2nd Men's Bball match and also for the soccer match. Guess we have a lot to do before next year to gain the title back. On my way walking back home, I stopped by at the Grafton St when I saw people gathering around one corner. There were people performing Ginga, a type of martial art I guess, which reminded me of the ol' Mark Dacascos movie I saw when I was a kid. So cool and groovy.




And I continued my journey back home until I reached my favourite place.


Perfect.

And I spent the rest of the day doing some works on the breakfast table while watching the repeated O.C and One Tree Hill on telly.


Having the guilt after eating a bar of almond praline chocolate from Butler's Chocolatey, I decided to eat my healthy breakfast cereal pack for munchies while doing my works. Err actually I've already eaten a pack of Ripples crisps before that. My my..

That summarises the great weekend I had. Thank You Lord!

here comes the month

Dear doctor colleague,

In a few days time, we are welcoming Ramadhan. Surely we have a strong will to undertake this annual project seriously. Let this year's Ramadhan be better than previous years for all of us. InsyaAllah we will make a plan to prepare ourselves so that we will have a sweet success at the end. We are not going to miss that Lailatul Qadr again and the only sure way to "catch" it is by performing ibadah every night from day one. That also means we have to pray tarawih, reciting Quran and munajat in our on-call rooms and while waiting for blood results or operating theatre calls. Plan also to take annual leave in November purely to spend the last ten days "talking and crying" to our Lord. As doctors, if we can stand doing on-calls all year round, it is only logical if we can answer our "bleep" for Allah's call. After all it is not that Allah Who needs us, but we need Allah.

+From my med-related yahoogroup.

Practice Islam like U practice life. No matter who U are, what U'd be.

That Evening

For the past few days I had few chances of walking back home passing by the canal near my neighbourhood before dusk, and man my heart was as calm as the water in the man-made canal (I usually reached home when it was already dark). The evening was serene beautiful, with people in their own mode of transportations heading back to their crib, leaving me clinging to the brigde rail sipping the cold autumn breeze. Water calms me down, I think I've mentioned that before. I was born and brought up near the beaches in Terengganu and I'm proud of that, being part of the people of coastal areas. In the evening the whole family would go to the nearby beach in a car, sometimes I cycled there with my sister, and we would wait for the fisherman's boat to return from the sea to buy some fresh new fishes and other seashells for dinner. It was much cheaper and fresher than the ones in the market. And now U wonder how sub-urbs people live much longer than the town acers. Fresh fishes and poultry products, there was no fast food restaurant in the cowboy town I used to live until recently I heard a KFC being opened there.


The white swans approached me when I was getting nearer to the water, thinking I had some bread to be given. Sorry pals, next time I'll ask Yani not to make bread pudding out of those expired bread OK.


Not long after that a guy came and gave some huge breadcrumbs to the swans. It was simply the gift from above.


Sorry that was it. As if they knew, they were all roaming away after the guy left.


The signal to go home. Goodbye canal, I'll see U again tomorrow morning.

The job I do?

I was walking up and down the wards today, to Richmond then up to Finbar and St Luke looking for my senior friend, then went down back to Richmond to look for the patient I met last week and do some follow-ups, then up again to Finbar after Ailani texted me to join her learning some bedside devices and procedures with the kind helpful senior. Fawaz came a bit later on with Khalid and we met downstairs in front of Adams McConnell. We bleeped our NEW intern using the bleeping phone just outside the ward and few minutes later she strangely passed beside us, went in the ward and called us from the phone at the nurses station in the ward. Funny. But I could accept the fact that she was in a hurry that she didn’t realized we were the ones who called.

So there’s been a change for the intern for every team, my former just swapped with Yanie’s team, and hers went to mine. It doesn’t make any difference though as this is the final week of us allocated to the team, there’ll be a major team reshuffling next week and everyone’s gonna have a new team. I don’t know whom I’d end up teaming with, I’m just too comfortable working with Fawaz and Jonathan, new teammates meaning new introduction from scratch provided it’s someone I know before. And I’m too tired for that. OK I know I cannot be like that, I’m into a profession that needs me to meet new people every frigging day of my life.

So I was thinking of that while walking up and down the wards today, being in the clinical years made me realized that there’s a HUGE challenge of one being a doctor. This morning I was with Ailani and the senior friend when she showed us how to put an intravenous cannula to a patient. Later on she administered some amounts of liquid drug, to be specific it was a bottle of immunoglobulin for that patient, such a simple procedure with the infusion pump made administering work easier as it controls the amount of drug infused in the patient’s vein. We then went to the nurses station and she filled in the patient’s chart that was when we heard a familiar sound of the infusion pump machine giving us an idea that something was not right. A nurse went in to see and came out with a tray in her hands, Ailani then whispered to me to look at the nurse when I realized that there was blood in the tray.

I was not trying to prove anything from there, just to give some faint idea of how a simple procedure could go wrong in the hands of an expert. If I were her, my both knees would go weak knowing the mistake I did but she calmly handled the situation as if nothing had happened. Salute ah. I wonder when would I achieve to that level, when my face would still look confident and calm eventhough it’s clear that something is not right.

Then later I went down to go in the operation theatre, it was my patient whom I’ve been doing the follow-ups who was going to have the surgery at that time. So I changed into scrubs and went to Surgical 6 and got disappointed when the anaesthetist told me that the procedure I was going to witness would be in another half an hour. I couldn’t go out to the wards with the scrubs on, the last and the only option was to stay in the changing room. So I waited for half an hour before I went in Surgical 6 back again only to found out that they still haven’t finished doing the current surgery yet. Come again in an hour maybe, said the anaesthetist guy. Nope I’m not going to, I said, in my heart only OK. I was going to have my pathology lecture in an hour.

The thing happened when I was changing back into my casual-smart hospital attire, when I heard a raised voice near the door. So it was the surgical sister or nurse, whichever they call it, and she was scolding an intern for keeping the scrubs at home, reasoning that there’s been a short of scrubs in the hospital, and she just found out that these doctors had been keeping the scrubs with them at home. And the intern with an innocent face I supposed just said yeah and promised to return back the scrubs later on.

In my mind, firstly, kedekut punye hospital, scrubs pun nak berkira. Secondly, it was a nurse scolding an intern, a qualified doctor. Huh, best tu. And what made it more interesting was the part when the intern just agreed to follow whatever the nurse said. I dunno maybe it was because she was too busy too argue or just accepting the fact that she was caught red handed. If I were her again, I dunno I might as well do the same thing, but I’ll say it’s not only me who’s doing this, and the fact that I’m keeping a set of scrubs with me is due to the short of ‘normal’ pair provided here, and I’m not wearing an ‘abnormal’ ones ok, green for top and disposable grey for pants. Macam hobbits je.


**My two favourite couple from my favourite series, Scrubs. Now U know why it is called SCRUBS don't U? It's the attire they're wearing.

A procedure went wrong, being scolded by a nurse, what more then, I’ve seen a consultant scolding an intern in front of students in the wards, and the list of torments continues. Am I fit for those? Is this the thing I’d long expect in my life?

I’m not having any second thoughts of going into this profession, maybe I’m just a bit too intimidated after witnessing some occupational stress in a life of a doctor.

Be it in any profession, there must be some stress counted in, so one just cannot run from it, prepare oneself, pray hard, with some smart planning, face them all…


**The army I'm graduating with. That was when we attended the compulsory BTN by MARA. Who'd thought I would wear that full school uniform back again? Cap 'Canggih' tu...

Photoblogging

I simply love the collection of pictures in my iPhotos and if something went wrong with this old-useful laptop of mine, the two things that I'd first put aside are iPhotos and iTunes. That's the fact. Since I was just eating the leftover dusts of the technology, I mean I just knew how to put up photos here, I realized that I really treasure photoblogging. So much fun. They said a picture worth a thousand words. They could never be so right. Mind me if you'll get a shorter essay and longer row of photos in my next entries after this, I was just practising what's being told.



U know what I wanna do now? I want to be up there back again in the photo. God I miss those faces.