Post-Exam Syndrome

It's good to be back here, although the blog appears to be cacat a bit but who cares, I like it the way it is, at least for now (rationalizing to cover my own laziness). Yes just to let U know that I finished my exam at 20 to 2 this afternoon, and man, never felt so relieved. To think about it, this time the exam format is way much simpler as compared to the Second Professional in coming February, and yet at one point I thought I couldn't go on with it, there's too much to handle. I spent the last few weeks in isolation in my room at the rear of the house, maklum la bilik amah la katakan, went out once or twice to friends' house and one time I went to study beside the canal out in the cold and went back home with a numb face and limbs, a runny nose and the feeling of being threatened by the hungry looking swans who looked at me as if I'm a huge delicious blueberry muffin.

Anyway the papers was not too bad, Microbiology was a little hard for me and Pathology department seemed to be a little tame on the students this time. I don't exactly know how I did it, I just hope I pass, with some credits. My initial greatest concern was on Pathology papers, my heart was beating badly just before the MCQ started I thought I might faint there and then. After few attempts to calm myself with some home remedies mom taught me, I finally got control of myself, reaching my glasses and looking far on the left side of the exam hall. There it was, the botak head I miss in these last few weeks. Haha, just for the record I was fully calmed by that look. OK I know I should stop there.

In my incubation period for the exam, my head keep spinning and spinning thinking about the great list of things that I want to do after the exam ends, and yet now that it has ended I'm not sure what are the things I've been putting in that list. This happens to me a lot, I guess it might happen to others as well, or at least other inorganized people like me. Let me see, window shopping; done, makan kebab; done, eating ice cream; it will be Eli's treat so I have to wait for that, makan M&S Choc Cookies; done, seriously, what a treat, and yes I went to HMV and there it was, the special extended version of LOTR The Return of The King, if I had no control of my own purse I would have buy it for myself, instead of for my housemate Arnee who has the same collections as mine. Anyway, it's a win-win situation, I'll get to watch it TONIGHT without having to pay for it, and Arnee gets to keep the DVD. Wait till the Christmas sale, and hope the price would go further down, I'm going to hunt it till the last copper penny in my purse. Hehe (and U wonder why I keep running out of money even before the second half of the month).

So what's next. I have few unsettled jobs for the coming winter gatherings, going to attend some usrah, going to have my sleep sleep sleep and sleep, cut on food; I think for the exam I have nearly one bottle-full of coffee granules in my stomach and few full packets of biscuits for cicah with the kopi panas I made for more than 5 times a day just to keep my eyes open and my brain alerts, going to play bball; even the rest of the playmates don't want to play, try to go to the gym; I don't know but the dancerobic workouts seem to be more tempting than the good-old conventional gym, window-shoppings some more, real shopping on Boxing Day (I know I know, control yourself Shu), study Micro and Patho till I get sick of them, practise Clinical Skills for Medicine and Surgery exam, kemas rumah, watch good series on TV; for the Christmas they're putting the whole series in the final season of the O.C, FRIENDS, and few other more for few consecutive days back to back, and yes finally, I'm going to Conventry, UK for a gathering for few days before the holidays end. It'll be my first time attending gatherings made outside the country and glad for that fact. Sometimes a change is good, get to meet new people see new faces.

I guess those are all, I must've left some but I guess what's up there are more than enough already, I'm being pretty ambitious to add up some more.

I'll write again, U'll be sick of reading my writings in this duration of holidays. Anyway, to Nisa and Ili, enjoy M'sia for the length of your holidays!

Exam mode: Stress Reliever

My ustazah back in matriculation used to say that after asar is the time for a student to go out and do physical activities, or stay inside doing some mind relaxation things, namely reading storybooks or watching tv. In another words, do something other than a student’s obliged to do = STUDY. As for me, I’m not really sure when was the last time I did physical activities or read storybooks, OK the latter wouldn’t be counted in coz I’m not into reading, but yeah I’m just emphasizing about me having a little more time for my own self, and it’s been sooo long since I had that.

At this time around next week I’d imagining myself to be in the Grafton St or Henry St doing some window-shopping while eating few scoops of ice creams, or I might be in one of the halal outlet celebrating the end of Christmas exam, and yes it’s 7 days towards the exam now. People talk about stress when it comes to exam, believe me, I had mine in the worst form for my First Professional Exam last year. It was terrible; I went to bed with the worst nightmares everynight and woke up with aching body as if I was badly beaten. I (think I) cried in my sleep a lot of times, and life was never greyer than that. Talking about nightmares, I had a friend who had a dream of herself throwing away some babies from a top floor house outside to the road and when she realized about it, looking down there were bleeding dead babies on the road. Cruel dream, but that’s just how stress comes into form.

For the benefit of everyone and myself, I’m thinking of putting some methods for stress reliever, and they are all based from my personal experiences. Some may work but if u really think about it, it’s all under one’s mind control. U don’t have to be stress if u don’t want to, really. So here they go, good luck!

:: Talk to God; the best and most effective way to relieve stress, trust me.

I found that performing solat sunat would be the best way. I have a friend telling me that what they used to do in school each morning was reading Surah As-Sajdah and performing sujud Tilawat when it comes to the 15th ayat. And it is so true that memanjangkan sujud could really (really really) calms u down. And those are just piece of what u could do, there’s a lot other ways if u really think about it. (Who have believed and whose hearts have rest in the remembrance of Allah. Verily in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest! –28:13)

:: Talk to your parents or friends, someone outside the circle

Parents would be the best pairs to talk to (but if it happens that they live far away from u, think about other simpler and cheaper means of communications, or else, pay the price). I remember this one senior doctor telling me that when he was studying abroad, each time he speaks to his mom, he’d never forget to ask her to pray for him, though he always knows that every mom would do that without being asked by her children. And he really believes that half of his success today was contributed from the prayers sent from his mom.

:: Pamper yourself

There’s a list-full of things that u could do to pamper yourself. What I mean by pampering oneself is doing something nice and pleasurable to one. Like myself, I found that having enough sleep could be really helpful (I mean, what’s better than hibernating under the comfortable duvet in the cold gloomy autumn). Sadly, I haven’t really got that for quite some times now, most extra times are spared for extra works to pay back the extra playtimes I had before, serve me right. I was thinking about burning essential oils which would be most helpful now, plus I just got a complete aromatherapy and candles set for my birthday, when I realized that I haven’t got any matches or lighter to light on the candles. I kept meaning to buy that but still I forgot. Anyway, I also found that shopping is a good way of self-indulgence. But this option comes with a price; pardon me, two prices; money and time. But seriously, it really helps to relieve the stress when u pamper yourself. Cook, dance, sing, sleep, whatever it takes.

:: Eat nicely

I know everyone’s been waiting for this option yeah? Eating nice food would actually be in the upper list, but then I thought it would be better to make it an option of itself. By far eating has been the most popular method people opted to relieve stress, and when I said people I mean friends around me and myself. Statistically, out of 10 friends, I would have at least half gaining weights during exam times. This is the period when people pay the revenge of stuffing themselves with food and holding the exam as something to blame later on when they put on weight. Sweet. I would be one of those people mentioned, with the only difference that I eat delicious (unhealthy) snacks and junks during exam that I seldom eat out of the period. Things like nice chocolates, tasty crisps (and a bit costly like Pringles Dippers and Dips, thanks to those who created exam, I have a reason to buy those), fromage frais (which meant for KIDS only), ice creams (white Magnum is the best) and also 2 minutes maggie mee and PAMA.

Just for the record, chocolate has been a popular source of stress reliever, scientifically proven or not I’m not sure myself (who knows it might be the Cadbury company that started spreading this urban myth huh? {Don’t tell your relatives who work for Cadbury about my assumptive and accusative statement}). Anyway there’s a hormone that’s supposed to be released when u eat chocolate that’ll eventually calms u down. Don’t have time to check that in my biochemistry textbook, I’ve got a more important thing to concentrate on. Anyway, I have a friend telling me that eating yogurt, yogurt drinks or anything like that would be helpful in dealing with the stress too. I tried that last year in my First Prof Exam battlefield and it worked, seriously. Apparently the same hormonal mechanism of action as for chocolates applies for yogurts too, and that’s why I’m on my everyday fromage frais tubs. Well who said that exam sucks anyway?

:: Listen to something nice and soothing

Linkin Park would definitely be kicked out of the list now (anyway the new LP and Jay Z combi is really cool). For myself, Tracy Chapman helps me a lot, it’s not something that I really want to sing a long but then it’s not something that would make me fall asleep. Sedang sedang aja bak kata orang Jawa. SO7 is too absorptive, I’d end up muttering every words or else berangan and senyum sorang2 thinking about the good moments I had with my SO7 gangs. The morning crews on 98fm are a nuisance twosome, I’d go cracked with them on air (and not concentrating for that). In the end I guess nasyid or Al-Quran recitations would be the best options other than the good-old Chapman, and they come with a package; u get some pahala by just listening. Now tell me any religion that has a better offer than that huh?

Well I guess I have few other methods that I could use but then this has really consumed my study times. Exam mode has turned me into this crazy time maniac where every single second counts. Of all these kekepaman of staring at the papers everyday, deep inside I really miss walking down the wards with the writing board in my hand, glancing in each rooms to have a quick look at the patients, smiling to the nurses (and cute doctors). Oh yeah, wait till January when I’ll be having my Medicine and Surgery exam, you’ll be crazy hearing me blabbering about how sick I am to be in the wards. Now u go and try those, I wish all the very best of luck in the exam or everything that you’re doing now.

Till after the exam, don’t miss me (I know U would :p).

Confession: I'm Old

Well yesterday was my 21st birthday. Some said that one gets the ‘key of freedom’ on his 21st birthday, I’m not sure what’s that to be put on me. If my key of freedom is marriage, honestly I don’t need to be 21 to get the license, my eldest sister got married when she was 19 or 20 years old before she flew to UK. Our parents trust us in making this kind of decision. Then it brought me to think that it might be the freedom to choose, well 21 is the age it needs for one to cast his vote in a general election in M’sia, not sure about other countries (yeah yeah I need to know those political thingy now, great..‡ or maybe I don’t have to, well it’s my freedom to choose aight?). A friend of mine got a necklace with a key-shaped pendant on her 21st birthday from her mom, saying it’s been passed for generations now. As for me, to really weigh them all equally, my key of freedom is when I am capable to make the right decisions with the right knowledge that would lead me to all the good things in life herein and hereafter. And that would be a long way to go before reaching there.

Jumping from the above issue, I’ve been thinking hard yesterday, of what have I obtained in my 21 years of life, well U don’t want to live long and not getting anything from it don’t U? Easy said, on my 21st birthday,

I wish
::I was at home to celebrate it
::I could kiss my parents foreheads thanking them for raising me up to be what I am now
::(I was younger than 21)
::life is simpler than what it’s been recently

I hope
::one day, I’d have the capabilities to give back what people have given me
::I could be a better person than I am now

I regret
::that I’ve been a difficult child to my parents and my siblings (U don’t want to know how bad I was as a child)
::that I’ve been a lousy friend to some when I was younger, believe me I was naïve
::that I didn’t use the chance to taste the sweetness of friendship with some when I had one

I miss
::my sweet childhood in the coast, life was easy back then
::my true friends, that open their hearts to know me, being there in shines or rains
::my school life and everything in it
::my whole family dearly

I love
::most of things in my life now, as for some, I just wish they were different

I hate
::people using other people in order to achieve what they want
::the cruel (Bush’s) armies and cronies ditching people from their own lands (u burn in Hell)

This is getting more boring, I should stop it there. Anyway for the day I got many text messages from family and friends, few online messages, cards and packets from home and gifts. A (already knew) surprise party was thrown for me from my flatmates and for that I got a PINK spring coat, 2 handbags and a deep fryer. They know I’d never buy (or wear) a PINK coat so they bought me one, cheeky huh. They’ve long wanted a deep fryer in the house so they gave me one, more cheeky huh. Anyway, thanks for every effort made for me, I appreciate them so much. I’m feeling a little too old for a celebration, I don’t know why. Maybe because of the wrinkles I got, or because of the presence of the new juniors in Dublin, or because the fact that I AM technically old, God-knows.

At the end of the day, my award of the best gifts goes to

This

Naqib on his last day of kindergarten

And this

Latest Ariff, both photos sent in CD from Ola


And I’m still pondering on my childhood life even now, ever since I received this text from Along

‘U’re 21?? Thot u r 12. Rminds me of d times when u were 12..was a hell of a task to raise u 2 b what u r now. A’way, still long way 2 go. Stay strong, Sis!’

(I told U I was a difficult child *_*)

As for the exam, I’m feeling tired and used, evidence by the dark eye bags (don’t take medicine as a career if u wanna look young always). I need something to rejuvenate my life, I seriously do.

Got The Feva

Can't talk much, exam is coming. This would probably be one of the lasts, I have a battlefield to conquer. Nuff said, let's pictures do the talkings. Chaiyo!


Blue is the theme (Shine On S.A.P.P.H.I.R.E)


Eid morning at Msia Hall's backyard (sapa2 berkenan boleyla menelefon di talian bebas tol 1-800-00-00)


Semua tudung pesen2 tak ingat punya, aku jugak yang kuno


One of my fav candids, what the heck is Sabith looking at?


Talian terbuka untuk calon2 di atas juga


2nd Raya (the day when diarrhoea got us) at Custom House


Smile!


Wrapping up 2nd raya at 14, Grove Park which has the nicest kuih semperit in Dublin

And to wrap up the entry let me present U


Miss X (bukan nama sebenar) pramugari yang melampau di RCSI's Eid and Diwali Party (hehehe)

That's a wrap!

(how I love the colour brown)

the day when the sun shines brightly..

my Friday..

::lovely day outside, though the temperature keeps on falling

::nvm, good reason to wear the brightly colourful mufflers and scarves

::was sick earlier of the runnings for the bus (been doing that daily nowadays), and of the empty stomach (not been getting b'fast daily nowadays)

::quick nap in the prayer room, then went to see a patient with D. he was yesterday's patient whom i saw alone. did examinations. i love to communicate with sick people, it's like a pure satisfaction after doing one

::went back to the prayer room to get my things, on my way, took some slices of cheese, pastries and a cup of tea from the conference refreshments. that's the best thing in the hospital, free meals after each conference. and that's for b'fast and lunch

::last night i spoke to mum about my clinical electives, yes i got a green light fot that. been thinking hard for a good affordable place; india, indonesia, vietnam, God-knows

::now sitting in my official fav place in the library, digesting what's there in the book while humming to 30HMC. life's been never better

Monolog

"Blog tu macam diari la". Betul la, tapi tak jugak, not fully for me. As this is a public space, I do keep certain things that I think not worthy being publicised, and personal things that are not appropriate to be mentioned. My life expands beyond things said here, but I guess at the end of the day blog is the best spot to place all the daily rumbles, things that I didn't get to express with other living creatures, let's just do the mind things. I guess I would've done the same things on the phone with my mum or someone closer but hell yeah who would pay the bills huh? Cut it short, I just need someone that could lend me some times to just listen when I needed him/her. Without having any doubt, by far this is the best place to do it, without making any serious commitment into it as humans would do.

Tired and used. (I just deleted few paragraphs of things I've written here). There are things that are well-expressed but not well-shown to others. At least it relieved me to let them all out.

Blessed Eid-Ul-Fitr

Another eid celebration away from home, my 3rd time now. I was
wondering how many more would it be, let me see, next year and another coming year
when I'm in my Final Year, then graduate inshaAllah and then, internship. By
that time I'd still be here IF I got a place to do my internship, and that's
IF everything runs accordingly to my plan. Lately I've been thinking hard
about my future plan, weighing all the pros and cons, but now I'm pretty
sured to stick 80% to my initial plan and let the left variable 20% be the
God-knows upcoming unpredictable events, well namely; a young handsome millionaire on
holidays in Dublin accidently bumped into me and wink wink it was love at
first sight set the proposal and yes we married on a cruise and settle down
with me running some volunteering jobs and charity works and looking
after the lovely family and till death do us part. Wowee I'm a real
daydreamer..

Back to the real topic, this year's eid was no differ like the previous
years, well to me at least. A week before eid my heart was screaming to go
home. It sounded crazy but believe me I was searching for a last minute
cheap flight to go back and my soul preceded me by already being at
home. Why this year? Well this year's eid falls on a weekend so we don't have
to skip lectures for it. And back home, this time it would be a very
meaningful one to our family as Along and Angah's family would both have their
turns to raya at our side, plus the new blessed baby Arif Hafiy. The whole family
would go back to our hometown in Alor Gajah and my parents had
renovated our late granny's wooden house to a better condition so they would all
stayed there the whole-length of the holidays. There's gonna be a tahlil in
the house as done every year, Pak Akub (Mak's big brother) would go from a
house to another (there are 5 houses in the area, all my closest relatives)
to do the tahlil and du'a for the late grannies and the ones before. They're
gonna kacau dodol, I know eventhough they denied it on the phone. And they're
doing them all without me! Great..

After the mournings and cryings, I finally accepted the fact that it
was fairly impossible for me to go home in this short period of time. On
Friday people has already started talking about eid, few invitations and some
worries that eid would fall on Saturday. As for me, my basic instict
strongly suggested that it will be on Saturday, I don't know why but I
just felt it. So after the lectures finished on late Friday afternoon we
decided to do some shoppings for eid's stuff. (At that particular time I was so
close, 5mm if measured by a ruler, haw haw, to make a remarkable
history of my own). I was never so right, it is indeed on Saturday. Reaching home we were
all starting the engines, cooking and cleaning the house while reciting
some takbir and screaming some raya songs just to erase the mounting
sadness. I slept at 3 that night. No worry for any dark circles around the eyes,
I've already got two.

Eid morning was never so bright. It would've been a bit better without
the cold breeze I guess. The morning was spent at the Msian Hall, met
people and asked for forgiveness, bid selamat hari raya, took photos-loads of
photos. Next venue, Hj Fauzi's place. Who would miss that, it's the only chance
to eat nasi dagang with the kaw kaw teh tarik in Dublin. Out of 10 people
I met at the end of the day telling me they went to that house, only 4 people
I guess who really knew who Hj Fauzi and the whole family is when I asked
them back. That's not included an incidence of a friend thanking a pakcik
whom she thought was Hj Fauzi when the real Hj Fauzi was standing not very
far from them. Piece of advice, know the people and they would know U.
Can't blame anyone, I have a strong facial recognition and some don't. (They
have a strong places recognition and I don't). Well I don't plan to tell
every single thing I did for the whole day, basically it was a day well
spent, I ate accordingly, not too much neither too little. A word of
appreciation to the people who invited me over to their places, sorry if I didn't turn
up to any, thanks for the delicious food, tahun depan buat lagi OK.

Second day, well today to be exact, I woke up at 3 in the morning to
run to the toilet only to find that a mate was in there. Waited and got my
turn. Then at 6 I woke up again for the same purpose and I was pretty sured
to have it, the diarrhoea. And few other episodes after that. Fully
awaken, 2 mates reported positive for the same symptom. God, not long after that
we managed to track down which one was the causal factor, and it is indeed
a cause of our own. Well in handling food, there's some risks to be taken
I guess. Out of that, we cancelled the plan to the ambassador's open
house and few other friends houses, we only went in two closest friends place
today. (And after each one it was like a routine to be in the toilet). My
stomach's still upset now but I don't go to the toilet for that anymore. By
tomorrow it should be better, and God tomorrow there's another huge party to
attend straight after the class. Ow stomach please be kind to me. Or maybe you
were just shocked to receive those food after a 30 days long digestion of
decent food only? (think I ate accordingly yesterday, or maybe I didn't?)

Life's back to normal, well plus some coming invitations (yey yeay) and
I should be a student as I was supposed to. Mini-Second Professional
Exam's (December exam) coming in no time and I don't wanna dissapoint myself
and my family for it. Go ho, make way to a nerdie me.

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI, MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN
SELAMAT MENYAMBUT SYAWAL YANG PENUH KEMULIAAN, JANGAN LUPA PUASA ENAM

Photos will be uploaded later when I have the time.

SALAM AIDILFITRI

Originally uploaded by Shu Hada.

Since we sent the good-old Salam Aidilfitri so late to the local media, I think we have a pretty thin chance of it to be published in the paper or even the net. So I guess here it goes, from me and my fellow partners-in-crimes.

Salam Aidilfitri kepada ahli keluarga, sanak saudara, guru-guru, rakan taulan, dan semua umat Islam di seluruh dunia. Dari kami residensi Flat 1, 71 Grove Park.

(Terimalah serangkap pantun dari kami...uh I don't wanna go there okey ;-p)

To all who's been reading this blog, do come to our open house on the first day of Eid. I'm not kidding U, it's an invitation.

-from left: Yanie, Huda, Arnee, Shoe, Sali

Happy&Sad

HAPPY

Today she talked to him again. I saw that smile, that appeared in my dreams at night. That's the second most gorgeous smile I've ever seen after Jude Law's cheeky smile in Alfie's ad I saw everyday at the double decker bus (which is a true motivation for me to get out from the house every morning at half seven). I now know that there's no better man in the world than the one with a gorgeous face AND a gorgeous imaan. Well the rules always emphasize on mentioning the most important aspect first in every essay U do and the lesser comes later, so I guess in this case the latter is more important, and the former is a truly BONUS. As for myself, there would be no former without the latter being present in one's soul. Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder, yea?

SAD

Reading the news, pondering about Mr Arafat's fate and his little piece of land. The world's getting more depressing than ever. And looking at the wealthy Gulf people in my class, thinking that would it be better IF they have a little time to think about their sisters and brothers in other country, instead of thinking of which latest Louis Vuitton's design to buy or which 7 stars hotel would it be for the coming holidays. I'm not judging, just wondering how money and wealth could make people go blind.

Well, it's approaching the end of the holy month, make a full use of it. U'll never sure to taste the next one again.

BM la pulak

Harini sampai hospital awal tapi malas nak belajar, penat je datang awal. Oh ye, semalam best gila, memula buat physical examination dekat patient ni, finding yg best: ade scleral arcus, memang clear-cut la. Puas hati woo. Semenjak masuk ward baru ni banyak dah jumpa clear-cut symptoms, namely, gross clubbing, jaundice, xanthelasma, ascites, peripheral oedema. Banyak la benefitnya dari ward sebelum ni, jumpe patient yang pekak pun ada, penat giler jerit2 dlm ward masa nak amek history dia.

Lepas tu turun pegi tengok endoscopy. Patient yang ketiga buat OGD, ada neoplasm dekat OG junction dia, giler besar polyps tu. Best best.

Tak lama lepas tu Ean text ajak pegi tengok post-mortem/autopsy. Belari larila aku dan Julie ke Smurfit Building. Sampai2 jumpa Roar, lepas tu Ean ngan Ai pun tiba, naikla kami ke histopathology lab. Jumpa Helen, orang yang incharge autopsy. Masuk2 je bilik mayat tu, kami berlima menangis-nangis dengan beriyer, except Roar yang selamba je. Bukan sebab takutkan mayat tu, sebab formaline yang dia guna kuat sangat sampai irritate mata ngan hidung kami. Camne la Roar bley tahan, bionicle man betul dia ni. Helen pun tunjuk la organ2 mayat tu, ada dua orang sebenarnya, yang pakcik tu mati sebab accident, makcik pulak sudden death. Yang bestnya pakcik tu punye liver memang cirrhotic habis, nampak nodules2 dia, enlarged spleen, pastu ada embolus dekat hepatic vein dia. Diagnosis: Budd-Chiari Syndrome? Makcik tu pulak ada artherosclerosis dekat left coronary artery. Aorta pun calcified habis, Helen siap patah2 kan lagi artery tu. Bunyi dia macam orang patahkan kerepek pisang. Puasa2 ni tempting betul.

Halfway through explaination, tetiba sorang lelaki yang incharge autopsy lalu lalang belakang kitorang, macam mencari benda. Rupanya dia cari senduk. Aik senduk? Part bestnya, dia selamba je pegi dekat mayat pakcik tadi yang organ2 nya semua dah di keluarkan tu, pastu senduk darah kat dalam chest cavity dia buang kat atas meja. Serius macam orang senduk sup, banyak pulak tu darahnya. Muka kami semua dah semacam je, Julie lagila, muka dia cuak habis masa lelaki autopsy tu angkat2 badan mayat pakcik masa dia bersihkan meja. Sesi autopsy pun habis, kami keluar cari tempat nak cuci tangan. Aku, Ai dengan Ean setuju yang kami rasa ternoda duduk dalam tu lama2. Aiyakk. Julie pulak rupanya dia terpegang something fleshy yang dia tak sure dan tak nak tahu apa. Patutla muka cuak gila.

Habis autopsy, solat, ada Microb lecture. Lepas tu, BALIK. Buat julung2 kalinya rasa gembira sebab balik awal dan boleh lepak2 dekat rumah sebelum buka puasa di hari biasa. Sebelum sampai rumah singgah kejap kat rumah Faha nak ambil barang tertinggal. Orang sebelah rumah dia ada bela sekor kucing hitam ni yang sungguh amat sangat comel dan friendly. Rasa macam nak declare je kucing tu kepunyaan sendiri, ye namanya Melanie panggil Mel pun boleh. Kenapa Melanie? Tak tau la rasanya dia ada rupa macam Melanie. Sapa melanie? Aku pun tak tau.

Oh ye harini ada Dessert Night dekat college. Dah beli tiket semalam, tak sabar rasanya nak makan dessert2 yang best tu. Harap2 tak hyperglycaemia malam ni. Pukul 5.30 ada kelas bahasa Latin. kenapa bila cakap ada kelas Latin semua orang ingat kelas menari ala2 JLo tu. Aiyo. Hari Ahad ni da orang belanja berbuka buffet dekat Thai Restaurant. Alhamdulillah rezeki.

Macam tak caya lagi ± seminggu nak raya.

longing to be a Capoeirista

U remember when I posted a picture of people performing some sort of martial art at the Grafton St, and I said it was Ginga. Well to be definite, Ginga is the most basic move of Capoeira, the name of a well-known Brazilian martial art. And the weekend after that while I was walking at the Grafton St to buy a bus ticket, again there were people performing the same thing also. It was so cool that I couldn't resist to see them performing all over again, and I went back to the library searching for it over the internet. Great stuff, I couldn't stop thinking of it (and couldn't stop trying to do cart-wheel and few other moves at home, but yet FAILED, thanks to my exeggerated deposition of subcutaneous fat. I'll send U away I will).

Not long after that weekend, the college's Dance Society announced that they're going to do Capoeira classes for beginners, like a dream comes true for me. For the first week (last weekend) I was still considering of joining. People said yeah it's not wrong to just join for fun rite, but for me, when it is involving muscles work, it should be a continuous process and once U've stopped, the disuse of muscles would lead to what had happened to my body now. Flabby (I hate this word). Well I'm not a healthy junkie, I'll eat what I want and play sports to put colors in life, but some things ought te be taken seriously I guess, like thinking of a long-term consequences of every action I take.

Another thing, I remembered talking about this to Sani after the Islamic Society AGM a day before the first class. He said, "Buat ape nak belajar benda ni, kita kan ada Silat, buat ape nak belajar orang punye seni". OK firstly he was just joking, trying to irritate me in such way with his sarcastic face, I didn't mind at all. But then I told him "Susahla kalau camni, kalau takmo belajar langsung pasal budaya orang lain. Bukan ke orang Islam ni perlu ada at least sorg yg master dlm sesuatu bidang kat dlm dunia ni," (mementang baru habis AGM Islamic Soc). And then he said something that contributed to my lackness of assurance to join the class, "Ko tau tak setiap martial art ni ada satu budaya/agama yg dia last sekali akan based on, contohnya Silat atas agama Islam, cam Tomoi atas Budhha kot, ha ko tau ke Capoeira ni atas budaya/agama apa?" Well he got me there, I then told him that it's nothing wrong to find out about it, like join the class first and if something uneasy discovered, I could always back down. No harm in that. I went back home searching for it again over the internet, but I think I couldn't find anything about that. It's just that it originated from Brazil and now has spread to all over the world. I think it also has something to do with fighting racism or something like that. I dunno, if anyone has any idea about it, don't hesitate to tell me OK.

And today is the second Capoeira class in the college, thanks to myself, I opened my eyes this morning (after went to bed again after subuh) at quarter to eleven. Damn, I rushed to clean myself, packed up things and headed to the college. Reaching there, they were all in the middle of the class and I was afraid to interrupt. Well it was not scary as I thought it would be, AT ALL. I cursed myself again, this is why I guess some Malays are well behind from everyone, sifat malu dan takut yg terlampau sampai menghalang diri utk mencuba sesuatu yg baru utk kebaikan diri sendiri. I ought to improve myself in that, I SHOULD! If not I'll always be left behind or not even counted in every good things one could benefited from. So not long after that the class reached its end, I met Joanne who was in the class earlier, asking her how did it go, and she said it was great. I am sure to join it next week. I'll make a room for it, I will. God please help to make things easy for me.

Enough of the blabbering, I'm getting myself ready for the tennis practice at 4, if not for my bad attitude and low self-esteem, I wouldn't be missing the first class last week (other than the stomach ache I was having). Hope today proceeds on well, and yeah guess I have to break my fast in the middle of the tennis court today.

Ramadhan is a very good month to start everything, trust me.

It's Back: the Norovirus, I'm Back in Gastroenterology

Been a while huh. Yesterday was a Bank Holiday Monday, and I took a day off on Friday that would sum up to my 4 days of holidays for the weekend. Yippie, yip! I spent the whole 4 days going to bed again after subuh till I couldn't sleep anymore (err maybe until about 11am or so). And that was to cover up the insufficient sleep I had for the whole week Monday till Thursday when I woke up at half-four in the morning everyday. Even today I was still in the mood of sleeping but thinking that I have to get my OSLER done, I half-heartedly unroll the comfortable duvet, took a bath and ready for the suhoor.

Speaking of which, I was in the wards early today to look for a patient for OSLER, I mean earlier than Julie my Norwegian partner. Walking in St Teresa ward I saw posters hanging at the doors saying that the 'Winter Vomiting Virus' has infected the wards and telling visitors and health workers to take extra precautions for that. Actually it was around in Beaumont Hosp since few weeks back but only today or maybe over the weekend it has gotten into this ward and St Lawrence, the one just across. I asked Niamh my new, kind intern about this and she said few patients have been experiencing severe symptoms from the infection. So I was a bit intimidated by the fact that currently I'm not the most immunocompetent person to be in the wards and I am the type that's easily to get infected by bugs (always sneezing from the cold and bundle of tissue papers for extra care). But then I have to get a patient for my OSLER and also for a case presentation in front of the class this Thursday. Putting my health at a stake, I cursed myself for doing everything at the very last minutes (OSLER due Friday, Case Presentation due Thursday, on Tuesday I still have no patients). Big time procrastinator. Serve me right.

Luckily I managed to get a patient, take a history and do some physical examinations. The patient presented with few episodes of altered bowel habit. So it went fine, she was an easy patient. I asked about the alcohol history and she said she doesn't drink. So I said, cool. Later on I went to check on her chart. Guess what I found, she's a recovered alcoholic with a significant history of alcohol abuse. With that, she presented with a full-list of problems since about 10 years ago, manic depression, heart failure, etc. God, why on earth would these people ruin their body by drinking that forbidden liquid? Being in the Gastroenterology wards, I realized that most patients would be presenting with different types of problem and looking retrospectively, they'd all have a history of alcohol abuse. Seeing one, sometimes I felt like saying it to their faces, U know what, this is why Islam made it clear that we cannot drink alcohol, not because Islam is strict and injustice, (or Islam is a terrorist religion like they used to say) but it's the consequences that one could get from it, be it instantaneously or on a long term basis. But then I know I couldn't. That's not the right way to do so. What more could I do, pray may Allah opens their heart for the truth.

Oh yes, it’s my second week now in the new team and I’m already loving it. It’s like a new spirit for a new team. I have a very enthusiastic partner, Julie from Norway who’d always be in the wards as early as 8 am everyday. Now U know why I wake up at half-four everyday, don’t U? Apparently she lives just few minutes from the hospital, unlike me who has to take 2 busses to go there. Guess who’s suffering now. But it doesn’t matter, it’s for my own good anyway.

End now.

say a little prayer for them

Lately I've been missing my parents so much, especially when I was reading the Holy Koran. My heart pounded everytime I think of it, it brought me to remember how I used to be a bad daughter to them, and it made worst thinking that I won't have the chance to kiss their hands and foreheads asking for forgiveness this coming Eid. It's Abah that I think of most, well, not that I don't think about Mak but I always talk to her on the phone so I know things are going pretty OK with her. Abah's not feeling very well now, he had the same recurrent viral infection and this time it got his jaw. The surgery was done and I hope he's doing fine now, well last time I checked Mak told me he was OK. It brought me to remember the first time he was hospitalized for the same purpose, I went to visit him with my sister everyday and we would find him silently crying on the bed of the unbearable pain he had at the infected sites. I tried to hold back my tears but it was such a pain to see my strong dad crying in agony. I wondered how he's handling with it now, God thinking of it already make me shudders. I pray to You Allah The Almighty for my parents' good health and longevity. Ameen.




Mak, me and Abah before my first departure to Dublin. At that time he had the infection at his leg and he couldn't even stand up for long. Alhamdulillah the leg has cured now.

Missing Abah and Mak so much.

Ramadhan Mubarak

This year's Ramadhan is no differ than before, except the fact of having it with the 2 new people in my house. No routine change, alhamdulillah no hardship in facing the day despite the low blood glucose level. I think I've become a more organised person having to do many things in a day, I scheduled my routine carefully to make full use of the time. One great thing about Ramadhan is I wake up early everyday for solat and sahur that make me start my everyday chores earlier than usual. And it's true that when U start your day early and well, the whole day would proceed to become so well on U. And hey, it's a perfect timing to plan the diet now. The intake of food for my sahur is not too bad I guess; (try these, recommended by myself :p)

1. non-sugar based food: 3 tamar, 2 spoonful of honey with milk
2. an apple: the sugar in this fruit is released slowly as the day goes, unlike chocolate which is a source of fast sugar
3. a slice of whole-grain bread with some left-overs lauk from last night

Albeit, I've been eating so much for breakfasting, which in a way got me back to the zilch point in my so-called diet plan. And this doesn't include the incoming plan of iftar at the mosque with the delicious tandoori chicken rice. And other still-considering plans of breakfasting outside at a restaurant or any kebab house. But who can make one to not tasting the sweetness of Ramadhan during breakfasting God's promised?

By the way, I'm sharing this article with all. It's about the opposing forces we have in ourselves. It's a good one, go on read it. U'll be amazed to realize how true it is.
________________________________________________________________________________________

Opposing Forces

Psychologically speaking, every person has two forces of work within him/her. One is the 'driving force', which pushes him towards some actions, and the other is the 'restraining force', which holds him back from others. Patience essentially harnesses the driving force to push us towards good things, and the restraining force to hold us back from actions that may be harmful to ourselves or others.

Some people have strong patience when it comes to doing what is good for them, but their patience is weak with regard to restraint from harmful actions, so we may find that a person has enough patience to perform acts of worship (Solah, Sawm, Hajj), but has no patience in controlling himself and refraining from following his whims and desires, and in this way he may commit haram deeds.

Conversely, some people may have strong patience in abstaining from forbidden deeds, but their patience in obeying commandments of and performing 'ibadah is too weak.

Some people have no patience in either case! And, needless to say, the best people are those who possess both types of patience.

So, a man may have plenty of patience when it comes to standing all night in prayer, and enduring whatever conditions of heat or cold may be prevalent, but have no patience at all when it comes to lowering his gaze and refraining from looking at women. Another may have no problem in controlling his gaze, but he lacks the patience which would make him enjoin the good and forbid the evil, and he is so weak and helpless that he cannot strive against against the kuffar and mushrikun.

Most people will be lacking in patience in any one case, and a few lack it in all cases...
_________________________________________________________________________________________

So which one exactly do U lack with?

last weekend

I decided to potray my last interesting weekend in a sequential order. Why? Coz I want to! (My mood is very good today despite the terrible autumn weather :-)

Started by Diamond Ball 2004 on Saturday Night, which was strictly for girls only. A good effort done by the college which clearly respects the culture and religion aspects of people like us who don't go to Freshers Ball or Annual Ball. So it was purely girls, no alcohol and halal food. Damn great, especially the vegetarian pasta, I still have the cheesy white cream saucey taste in my mouth. I can eat those for months without eating anything else I tell U. OK I'm exaggerating. But yeah it was a great night, though they were playing loads of Arabian-Indian remix kind of music, which at one point got us tired by just listening to them (what to do, their people dominated the party). At the end of the night, the majority of us (excluding me) were pretty sured to attend the belly-dancing class every Thursday evening in the college. That shows how we suck in belly-dancing.


Something from the party. That's Ailani on the left preparing to go home and me just getting the 'heat' of the night.

Sunday was the Sports Day for PMC (Penang Medical College) students, of the two traditional rivals RCSI vs. UCD. It's my annual event that I attend though I'm not a PMC student (who cares). So I was meant to play netball which was the first opening game in the morning but I woke up really late on that day of the tiredness from the ball, so by the time I reached the UCD sports center the Men's Basketball match has already begun. It's the favourite team so guess who won, OURS of course.


Defense mode. Look at the center, Mo who's a Kuwaiti. See? It's not only me who's a non-PMC. He's not even close, not even a Msian. Whatever, good job guys!


3 shot, or was it a 2.

Then it was the time for Women's Basketball. It's been a long time since I played a 'proper' game so I knew I might end up flat in the court. And the truth was I did (sigh). It was not so organised how we played the game as most of us just came and played, there were no proper practice or even proper positions, it was so like netball. The UCD team has only one anchor player whose others just passed the ball to her and she did all the shootings. Clearly she was the only one with the bball skills but even then we couldn't nail the team. That showed how inorganised our team was. I just played for two quarter-half, everyone seemed wanted to play but didn't contribute much going in the court (that includes me I guess). But that doesn't matter much, what's more important was the burning team spirit and the supportive fellow friends who were endlessly cheering for the team. And what matters most was we had a lot of fun, though I was a bit disappointed for the lost. Nevermind, there's always next year.


Some of the players. My disappointment showed on the face. It was a good game anyway.

I went back not long after that leaving the rest of the other games for the day, which I've been informed later that we lost the 2nd Men's Bball match and also for the soccer match. Guess we have a lot to do before next year to gain the title back. On my way walking back home, I stopped by at the Grafton St when I saw people gathering around one corner. There were people performing Ginga, a type of martial art I guess, which reminded me of the ol' Mark Dacascos movie I saw when I was a kid. So cool and groovy.




And I continued my journey back home until I reached my favourite place.


Perfect.

And I spent the rest of the day doing some works on the breakfast table while watching the repeated O.C and One Tree Hill on telly.


Having the guilt after eating a bar of almond praline chocolate from Butler's Chocolatey, I decided to eat my healthy breakfast cereal pack for munchies while doing my works. Err actually I've already eaten a pack of Ripples crisps before that. My my..

That summarises the great weekend I had. Thank You Lord!

here comes the month

Dear doctor colleague,

In a few days time, we are welcoming Ramadhan. Surely we have a strong will to undertake this annual project seriously. Let this year's Ramadhan be better than previous years for all of us. InsyaAllah we will make a plan to prepare ourselves so that we will have a sweet success at the end. We are not going to miss that Lailatul Qadr again and the only sure way to "catch" it is by performing ibadah every night from day one. That also means we have to pray tarawih, reciting Quran and munajat in our on-call rooms and while waiting for blood results or operating theatre calls. Plan also to take annual leave in November purely to spend the last ten days "talking and crying" to our Lord. As doctors, if we can stand doing on-calls all year round, it is only logical if we can answer our "bleep" for Allah's call. After all it is not that Allah Who needs us, but we need Allah.

+From my med-related yahoogroup.

Practice Islam like U practice life. No matter who U are, what U'd be.

That Evening

For the past few days I had few chances of walking back home passing by the canal near my neighbourhood before dusk, and man my heart was as calm as the water in the man-made canal (I usually reached home when it was already dark). The evening was serene beautiful, with people in their own mode of transportations heading back to their crib, leaving me clinging to the brigde rail sipping the cold autumn breeze. Water calms me down, I think I've mentioned that before. I was born and brought up near the beaches in Terengganu and I'm proud of that, being part of the people of coastal areas. In the evening the whole family would go to the nearby beach in a car, sometimes I cycled there with my sister, and we would wait for the fisherman's boat to return from the sea to buy some fresh new fishes and other seashells for dinner. It was much cheaper and fresher than the ones in the market. And now U wonder how sub-urbs people live much longer than the town acers. Fresh fishes and poultry products, there was no fast food restaurant in the cowboy town I used to live until recently I heard a KFC being opened there.


The white swans approached me when I was getting nearer to the water, thinking I had some bread to be given. Sorry pals, next time I'll ask Yani not to make bread pudding out of those expired bread OK.


Not long after that a guy came and gave some huge breadcrumbs to the swans. It was simply the gift from above.


Sorry that was it. As if they knew, they were all roaming away after the guy left.


The signal to go home. Goodbye canal, I'll see U again tomorrow morning.

The job I do?

I was walking up and down the wards today, to Richmond then up to Finbar and St Luke looking for my senior friend, then went down back to Richmond to look for the patient I met last week and do some follow-ups, then up again to Finbar after Ailani texted me to join her learning some bedside devices and procedures with the kind helpful senior. Fawaz came a bit later on with Khalid and we met downstairs in front of Adams McConnell. We bleeped our NEW intern using the bleeping phone just outside the ward and few minutes later she strangely passed beside us, went in the ward and called us from the phone at the nurses station in the ward. Funny. But I could accept the fact that she was in a hurry that she didn’t realized we were the ones who called.

So there’s been a change for the intern for every team, my former just swapped with Yanie’s team, and hers went to mine. It doesn’t make any difference though as this is the final week of us allocated to the team, there’ll be a major team reshuffling next week and everyone’s gonna have a new team. I don’t know whom I’d end up teaming with, I’m just too comfortable working with Fawaz and Jonathan, new teammates meaning new introduction from scratch provided it’s someone I know before. And I’m too tired for that. OK I know I cannot be like that, I’m into a profession that needs me to meet new people every frigging day of my life.

So I was thinking of that while walking up and down the wards today, being in the clinical years made me realized that there’s a HUGE challenge of one being a doctor. This morning I was with Ailani and the senior friend when she showed us how to put an intravenous cannula to a patient. Later on she administered some amounts of liquid drug, to be specific it was a bottle of immunoglobulin for that patient, such a simple procedure with the infusion pump made administering work easier as it controls the amount of drug infused in the patient’s vein. We then went to the nurses station and she filled in the patient’s chart that was when we heard a familiar sound of the infusion pump machine giving us an idea that something was not right. A nurse went in to see and came out with a tray in her hands, Ailani then whispered to me to look at the nurse when I realized that there was blood in the tray.

I was not trying to prove anything from there, just to give some faint idea of how a simple procedure could go wrong in the hands of an expert. If I were her, my both knees would go weak knowing the mistake I did but she calmly handled the situation as if nothing had happened. Salute ah. I wonder when would I achieve to that level, when my face would still look confident and calm eventhough it’s clear that something is not right.

Then later I went down to go in the operation theatre, it was my patient whom I’ve been doing the follow-ups who was going to have the surgery at that time. So I changed into scrubs and went to Surgical 6 and got disappointed when the anaesthetist told me that the procedure I was going to witness would be in another half an hour. I couldn’t go out to the wards with the scrubs on, the last and the only option was to stay in the changing room. So I waited for half an hour before I went in Surgical 6 back again only to found out that they still haven’t finished doing the current surgery yet. Come again in an hour maybe, said the anaesthetist guy. Nope I’m not going to, I said, in my heart only OK. I was going to have my pathology lecture in an hour.

The thing happened when I was changing back into my casual-smart hospital attire, when I heard a raised voice near the door. So it was the surgical sister or nurse, whichever they call it, and she was scolding an intern for keeping the scrubs at home, reasoning that there’s been a short of scrubs in the hospital, and she just found out that these doctors had been keeping the scrubs with them at home. And the intern with an innocent face I supposed just said yeah and promised to return back the scrubs later on.

In my mind, firstly, kedekut punye hospital, scrubs pun nak berkira. Secondly, it was a nurse scolding an intern, a qualified doctor. Huh, best tu. And what made it more interesting was the part when the intern just agreed to follow whatever the nurse said. I dunno maybe it was because she was too busy too argue or just accepting the fact that she was caught red handed. If I were her again, I dunno I might as well do the same thing, but I’ll say it’s not only me who’s doing this, and the fact that I’m keeping a set of scrubs with me is due to the short of ‘normal’ pair provided here, and I’m not wearing an ‘abnormal’ ones ok, green for top and disposable grey for pants. Macam hobbits je.


**My two favourite couple from my favourite series, Scrubs. Now U know why it is called SCRUBS don't U? It's the attire they're wearing.

A procedure went wrong, being scolded by a nurse, what more then, I’ve seen a consultant scolding an intern in front of students in the wards, and the list of torments continues. Am I fit for those? Is this the thing I’d long expect in my life?

I’m not having any second thoughts of going into this profession, maybe I’m just a bit too intimidated after witnessing some occupational stress in a life of a doctor.

Be it in any profession, there must be some stress counted in, so one just cannot run from it, prepare oneself, pray hard, with some smart planning, face them all…


**The army I'm graduating with. That was when we attended the compulsory BTN by MARA. Who'd thought I would wear that full school uniform back again? Cap 'Canggih' tu...

Photoblogging

I simply love the collection of pictures in my iPhotos and if something went wrong with this old-useful laptop of mine, the two things that I'd first put aside are iPhotos and iTunes. That's the fact. Since I was just eating the leftover dusts of the technology, I mean I just knew how to put up photos here, I realized that I really treasure photoblogging. So much fun. They said a picture worth a thousand words. They could never be so right. Mind me if you'll get a shorter essay and longer row of photos in my next entries after this, I was just practising what's being told.



U know what I wanna do now? I want to be up there back again in the photo. God I miss those faces.

testing unos dos tres..

Naqib n Arif
Originally uploaded by Wan Norshuhada.

Bismillah..

My first attempt of posting a photo here.
By the way, those are my two jewels, the ones I live for, my precious..

Naqib Ikram, 5
Wan Arif Hafiy, 2 months

Male vs. Female

I don’t usually write about a specific issue in my blog coz I prefer to make it a place to lay down my simple thoughts at the end of another interesting day. I seriously look up on people who make their blog as a channel to educate people about certain issues, what more if they are religion-related issues. It shows that they really know what they’re writing about, and it gave me some hints of one’s level of knowledge in it, whether it’s just based on their own opinion or they actually had some efforts to do a bit of research before putting everything there.

So lately, I mean for the past three weeks I’d been having issues with my purpose of life here, I have been confronting with so many people about those problems of mine. Most of them were my friends, some were the seniors, and of course my family back home. Looking back, I realized that there are different approaches with different gender, male and female. And of course as one of the latter, I found the former approaches suited me best. It’s the rule of nature, don’t deny it, positive and negative attracts to each other aight? But don’t get me wrong, that was just opinion wise, I didn’t go further than that. I remembered talking about this matter late one night with my flatmates and we agreed on this matter

Female’s a good listener, Male’s a great solver.

I found it’s true somehow. Female friends are REAL good listener and it relieved me after talking to them. It’s like writing in this blog (yeah right) where I could just tell every single thing that crosses my mind at that time. And they would just patiently nod their head, give spaces and time for me to just talk and release every possible thing that made my head cloudy. Some would throw out some useful options I could consider choosing, many gave me advices on being patient of facing the hardships in life. I think that they were all useful and appreciate them so much. They said what’s friend for. I couldn’t disagree more.

So male friends on the other hand tend to listen also, but then they interrupted in between me and instantly open up for options. They were all brilliant options and I couldn’t deny the level of thinking in some are far beyond females. That’s the whole purpose I think, they’re supposed to be superior to the opposite gender in a way if not in the other. And I respected them for that, but not to the level of them taking me for granted. So back to the topic, I think it’s true that the superiority or should I say the ego in males keeps them thinking that they have to solve any problem on referral. Looking at a positive way, it’s good that they actually provided me with some options I’d never think of, which is one of the obvious reasons why I tend to refer to them in some cases (not all OK) as I agreed on males being a dynamic thinker better than females. And one more thing about them, as they already thought that they’re partly involved in the problem now, many tend to do some follow-ups with the person for a period of time just to ensure that she’s doing OK and coping good with the problems. And I think it’s a sweet thing to be doing so, with careful extraction of other feelings, make it pure bond of friendships and it’ll seriously be good. I can assure you.

So which one should go on top of the chart? None I guess. I need them both as much as I need my family. It’s like on completion of building a house, losing a piece of tiles would never make a perfect floor.

So thanks to those advices, great options, soothing thoughts, comforting reassurances, and thoughtful text messages and miss-calls, they really made me feel better after awhile. With those kinds of support I got I’m actually feeling like having another conflict later on. OK I was joking.

Today I

Today I wear my new jeans jacket
Ean told me it doesn't suit my personality

Today I asked Alif and Ghani for the route to Phoenix Park by bike
They asked me back "Shu naik basikal?"

Today I told Fawaz I play basketball and archery
Never in his mind I'd do that

Today I asked my friends about a new routine change
Ili advised on having a PARTNER?

Oh Dear,
I do wear jeans and denims, and I don't think I have the personality Ean thought I have
I bike OK, it's just that I don't have the gut to do it oftenly here as I'm easily DISORIENTED
Basketball and archery are the two huge things in my life, and I play tennis too
Ili dear, partnership is not for just killing the boredoom (but I think it's a good idea anyway ;p)

After awhile I realized that my symptoms are progressively improved, I can think clearer than before.
And I know if it's not for the advices from my fellow friends I'd fall hard, crippled and no rebound certainly.
I'm blessed to have them I know.
And today the Eircom guy came and installed the phoneline.
I talked to Mak like I never talk before.
It's a blessing from above I know.
And next Thursday the cable people will come.
It's gonna be a digital with over a hundred channels.
Feel blessed again.

Maybe the clouds are getting clearer after a period of heavy rains.
Hopefully.

people sez

Alif said,
"Kat sini kan best. Ha tu ramai mamat2 hensem tu, kat M'sia takde camni"

I said,
"Ala awal2 dulu thrill la jugak ngan depa, skang ni dah tak thrill dah"

Arnee said,
"Ala OK je kot, skarang ni je rasa camni"

I said,
"HOPEFULLY"

Fawaz said,
"God I hate this place. The electrical fire I had just added up the weird things I 've experienced in Dublin"

I said,
"U don't wanna know how I feel about this place, n anyway, sorry to hear bout the fire"

Azri said,
"Tapi dah ini kita pilih. Aku taktau la ko dtg sini sebab apa. Tapi aku dtg sini sbab aku nye choice. Nak tak nak kene la buat jugak kan. Tu la semakin besar ni, nak tak nak kene tanggung apa yg kita buat"

I said,
"Uhuk uhuk, painfully true"

O' Allah grant me some strengths to face this.

LIFE or anything I'd want to call IT

My life is like one empty circle which I endlessly follow the same very single line everyday without knowing when I’d reach the end. And it’s like I’m already halfway through it, it’s too late to turn back and too far ahead to be reached. I’m feeling of getting a bit sick of it, everything doesn’t seem to amuse me that much. I used to be so fond into going in the wards, now that our intern seems less interested in teaching us, plus the busy environment in BH, I am somehow tired of the chasing-intern series, with Fawaz and Jonathan complaining about her, and me stuck in the middle, of joining them continuing to dislike her attitude, or of keeping on reasoning to them about her being too busy to spare some times with us (she should be thankful, I was backing her all the way, though sometimes it got into my nerves also).

Everything is just grey and boring, like I said before, everyday is like the same sick routines I follow. I’m tired of leading the same inhumane life. I want to do more, something different and interesting. But somehow each time I think of doing a new thing, it’ll be limited by demands from my surrounding and myself. I want to go to medical conferences in UK, yet I don’t have money for that. I want to get involved in voluntary activities, yet the time limited me in doing so. I want to do sports, my free times with the others aren’t just tally. I want to go to somewhere peaceful (my last best place, Amsterdam, when I said peaceful I mean a lot of water), again MONEY is THE ROOT of every problem, I want to do the things I’ve always dreamt of, surfing and scuba diving, not a single chance now.

So what’s next?

Watch DVDs? Been watching till I can’t get hold of any. Japanese dramas? Enough with the crying from the latest one I watched (how could the director be so mean in giving a bad bad ending to such a nice guy?) Hang out at diners with friends eating nice food? Think I’ve gained few pounds out of those. Listening to nice songs? Too much now, have to cut some. Read storybooks? Been jumping on one book to another, Baiev’s The Oath is just too depressing to be finished, others aren’t just too amusing. Stop writing and sleep now? Been dreaming of home and family since the past few weeks, I woke up weeping myself out missing the people back home. Read pathology and escape from medicine surgery for a while? I’ll think about that. Seems fine with me, I was to stuck up with med surgery I forgot there’s more than that in my study life. And how about gym? Yes I’ve started that last weekend, but think I’d limited myself on gym as I’m trying to fast as many days as possible now. Cats? Oh there are a lot of cats in this neighbourhood, and all of them are very adorable with fluffy furs. Damn I miss my Tomato cat back home.

I dunno, I really need something new now. It’s like experiencing midlife crisis you know, though I’m not even 21 yet. I’m serious OK.

what had happened to the people of the world?

Today I just burst. This time it was not the hormone, it was plain me.

So today was meant to be my clinical skills tutorials day and as usual being the most decent student I attend every class a student should do. And hari ni jugak saya betul2 marah, bengang or whatever u call it, I was simply pissed off. Selama ni bila mereka kata ‘Oh Kolej ni tidak mengamalkan dasar berat sebelah atau sebarang racism’ mereka tipu, yes they simply lied. Memang dah lama rasanya mata ni nampak, hati ni sedar betapa ‘biased’ nye org2 berkulit putih ni ke atas golongan dari Asia, Timur Tengah atau mereka yg kulitnya berwarna ni, tapi mata buat2 tak nampak dan hati berselindung pura2 tak tahu. Tapi harini tak tahula kenapa, mungkin berkat hari Khamis atau berkat hari di awal2 Syaaban ni, saya betul2 TERSEDAR dari kepura-puraan golongan2 ini.

Bengang, saya memang sangat2 bengang.

Bila disuruh melakukan sebahagian dari routine physical examinations, kebanyakan tutor pasti akan menunding ke arah ahli2 tutorial yg PASTINYA berjambang, bertudung, kulitnya berwarna atau mukanya nampak takut2, dan pastinya juga bukan dari negara yang menjadikan Bahasa Inggeris sbg bahasa pengantar. Dari 10 yg ke hadapan, contohnyalah kan, melalui pemerhatian saya, 3 daripada golongan ini dapat buat apa yg disuruh dgn EXCELLENT, 5 daripadanya TAHU melakukan namun TAK TAHU menyampaikan apa yg dia tahu dalam suatu ayat yg lengkap, masalah bahasalah secara ringkasnya, jadi hanya buat sekadar apa yg boleh disampaikan dlm bentuk ayat yg mudah, dan yang selebihnya mmg berdiri tegak buat2 confius dan tak faham soalan (tak tahu lah tu).

Yang bengangnya, ada segelintir, saya ulang HANYA SEGELINTIR pensyarah yang betul2 ‘buat muka’ bila golongan yg disebutkan tadi tak dapat memenuhi apa yang dikehendaki, lantas dipanggilnya pula pelajar2 berkulit putih yang (kononnya) tahu melakukan examinations yg disuruh tadi untuk kehadapan. OK saya tahu mereka memang boleh buat. (fikirkanlah, kawan anda di hadapan tersekat dan anda sbg org di tempat duduk di belakang, takkanlah tak terfikir utk membuka buku nota ringkas atau bertanya kepada kawan sebelah ataupun punyai sedikit lebih masa utk mengingati apa yg telah dipelajari dan menyusun ayat dalam kepala---itupun tak semua yang dipanggil boleh buat dgn sempurna). Yang menggeramkan saya, sebelum pensyarah menyuruh pelajar tersebut (kulit berwarna) duduk ke tempat asal, pasti ada ayat2 sumbang seperti “Did U see how ____(org putih la kan) did the examinations just now? That’s how U should do it OK/That was perfect (which halfly weren’t actually). U have to go back and learn again”. Itu contoh ayatnya lah. Bukan semestinya begitu.

Suatu kebetulan ke? Ataupun memang org2 Asia/Timur Tengah ni bodoh, atau tak tahu berbahasa Inggeris?

Satu contoh lagi, yg ini spesifikasinya kepada sahabat2 dari negara2 Timur Tengah yg apabila bertutur dalam Bahasa Inggeris, ekspresi huruf ‘R’ nya terlebih sedikit daripada lidah biasa. Normal lah kan. Kalau lidah Melayu yang makan belacan ni pun, tak semua boleh berbahasa Inggeris dgn American accent atau English accent dgn baik. Same goes with the Arabic tongues. Masalah ini tak diambil kira oleh golongan pensyarah tadi, yang hanya mahukan sebutan pasti jelas, lafaz perlu lancar. “Go back and learn how to pronounce DYS-DI-A-DO-KO-KI-NE-SI-A, or HO-MO-NY-MUS HE-MI-A-NO-PI-A, fast and accurately”. On the contrary, sewaktu mereka nak mengambil kedatangan pelajar, nak sebut Mohammed Al-Ghannam pun bunyinya seperti terseksa benar, ditambah dengan gelengan kepala atau senyum sinis, macam nama mereka sedap sangatla konon. Habis international la tu.

Tak tahulah, cakap lebih2 karang dikata mengata guru sendiri, tak berkat ilmu nanti.

Realiti ke? Atau saya yang menambah cerita. Maklumlah di saat2 kurang gula dalam darah tadi (baca: puasa) mungkin tahap kesabaran berkurang dari biasa membuatkan saya bengang setiap kali rakan2 ketawa terbahak-bahak bila pelajar Arab di hadapan tersalah sebut Jendrassik’s manoeuvre sebagai ‘gi-jon-tik’ manoeuvre.

Ini baru kisah segelintir tenaga pengajar di sini, yang mana sepatutnya menjadi contoh terbaik para pelajar. Belum lagi kisah so-called ‘sahabat2 atau rakan2 sekelas’ dari benua Eropah, mahupun Amerika, be it berkulit cerah atau legam sekalipun, asalkan lidahnya cair berbahasa Inggeris, pakaiannya trendy and designer’s lines, style rambut dan bag up-to-date, etc etc etc.

Oh dunia.

They said there’s no such thing as racism, they obviously didn’t know a thing what they’ve been talking about. And this pisses me off. Seriously.

Another Thoughts

Another day in the hospital. Life keeps getting more interesting for me every single day. I dunno. Sometimes when I experienced some hardness in my learning process, I took one step back and imagined the faces of my beloved ones back home and the dimmed spirit burned back like a fire on gasoline. It got me into thinking sometimes the purpose of my life HERE in DUBLIN, is it just to finish the remaining years and bring back the title, or is there more than just a title then? Reading the news from friends back home, God how I wish I had the fun as a student like they're having now, participating in the extracurricular activities, I imagined myself doing some outdoor activities, basketball maybe, or participate in many volunterring works, going everywhere all over M'sia. It would be such fun.

Then sitting back I realized that there's more than just FUN in life. It's about responsibility. And mine would be to myself, the people around me, and most importantly to Allah The Almighty. I pray to God, asking for some strengths for me to continue on my life, seeking for a clear smooth pathway, eases me in dealing with those strangers around me. Though every single day is like the same sick routines I continuously do, at least I now know my root that I hold on to.

A little bit relieved now of course, that's what blog do. It relieves me after writing something here.

Coffee and Me

Let's see. I have another 18 minutes left to post something here coz I'm sticking to my initial plan of going back at 7. Yep Yani and I, we managed to host a potluck cum housewarming on Saturday and the number of people who turned up were shockingly unexpected. Murah rezeki maknanye tu. Haha. At the end of the day most of us were pretty STUFFED by the delicious food (Mandy said she ate 9 pieces of our marinated chicken, the highest record I guess). But yeah, it was pretty cool for us to be gathering like that, since the PMC students will be going back to Penang in March leaving me and other 11 mates here in Dublin for another couple of years or more ( I cannot imagine that, oh God no).

Today I was on my way to attend the clinical skills classes when I stopped by at the staff canteen to grab a cup of coffee. That moment I realized that I drink coffee like some people smoke cigarrettes. U get what I mean, it's like I crave for coffee and it keeps me going for the day, like men crave for some puffs. And after throwing away the polysterine cup in the bin, I realized that I have the coffee smell sticking at me (my veil) like people have the familiar cigarrette smell sticking in their mouths or clothes after they finish taking a puff. One time I went to get my cup of coffee with Maryam my Kuwaiti friend and she said "U drink coffee that much?" seeing me pouring the coffee in the cup. Am I really that heavy coffee drinker then? The paradox is I never craved for any when I was back in M'sia, like I said before, it's the teh tarik mamak that satisfy my appetite more. Haha. An exception for those delicious ice blended mocha and frappucino in, U know where. I remember last year when I was still living in Harrington St., me and Faha, we were like some serious coffee cravers that the huge bottle of Bewley's Coffee Rich Roast would be finished by us in the matter of weeks. I know it's bad for myself (yes caffeine is never good for u OK) and I'll try to reduce the amount later. Need my greatest will though, hope I won't be getting some serious withdrawal symptoms later on. :p

OK I've exceeded the estimated time. Failed now.

pretty occupied

I'm back to the real me I guess, though not fully ME. The busy schedule really make me forget the things that were bothering me before, the loneliness, the homesick part and all. Though sometimes late at nite when it was cold (as the heater was not on, jimat beb), I would still being struck by the missing family part, that I'm certain would never go away from me.

Oh I'm terribly tired now, today was pretty tired but thankfully filled with things that benefited me in many ways. Cool (my fav word now, Fawaz laughs whenever I said that. He now knows my fav things I think. Haha. I'm so comfortable being his partner. We're COOL together. Haha). The three of us went in to see a surgery in the morning and got the chance to meet our Consultant whom we never met before. He was such a nice guy and I liked him instantly the moment I met him. And it was a pretty COOL surgery, em it was not actually a surgery, it was more to a neuro-navigation and biopsy for a left frontal lesion in this patient's brain. The drilling part was a bit cruel for me, it just felt like my own skull being drilled at that time, but the consultant just expertly drilled the skull and he knew when to stop drilling before it got into the soft brain tissues. That one surely comes with a lot of experience. While doing the drilling, he was constantly talking to us and teaching us the complicated things about neuro which I'll never could get the whole point of it. Too complicated for my rusty brain from the 2 months holidays. God I better start the engine now. I felt like a snail in everything I do.

Me and Fawaz couldn't wait till the end of the surgery, we left the theatre at half ten for our clinical skills tutorials leaving Jonathan alone as a student in there. We didn't get to see the biopsy procedure, too bad. And just now Jonathan said he was in the theatre area till lunch time, he managed to see a laminectomy after the first sugical procedure ended. Oh what a waste of not being there. Hope I'll be able to see some other interesting procedures next Thursday. The tutorials was OK, me and Fawaz went in a bit late and they had already started teaching at that time. And that was after we ran, yep we seriously RAN to Smurfit Building after going out from the theatre as we were so late. So I didn't bring anything for the tutorials and wasn't mentally prepared for them (after the running part I guess). And I got caught after being asked some questions from the lecturer, uh nasib orang datang kelas lambat. Padan muka. There were 3 tutorials in a row, surprise surprise, by the end I was already starving and I could hear some other classmates' stomach grumbling too. Haha so it wasn't me alone. So lunch was always my homemade sandwiches. Ape lagi. Nak jimatla.

Then at 2 the Microbiology lecture started. God it seemed like forever for it to end, and I tried very hard to keep myself AWARE of the surroundings. The next lecturer came in after that, and it was my fav Microb lecturer so I didn't bother keeping alive for another hour or so. But when it finally ended, I was totally exhausted. The plan of accompanying a friend to go in the ward after the lectures was aborted, hell no, no more for the day. So we all went back in that 27B bus, like always macam rombongan sekolah ramai-ramai. Uh have they ever think of getting a college's bus to commute the students to the hospital, or at least just put in some shares in the Dublin Bus particularly for 27B, obviously every RCSI student takes that to go to BH, yeah maybe some take 16 or 20B. Whatever, I still think it's a good idea for the college's bus. C'on we pay nearly 35 thousand euros for every academic year (OK my sponsor pays that one I know), don't tell me u can't afford it. Lately this whole fees issue had been raised by my classmate and I think he should be doing that. All these while the students just pay their money when the year started and they don't even have the idea how the college uses the money, so at this point I think the time had just comes when everything should be surfaced and only then we'd be satisfied. Hopefully.

Did I tell u that I lost my glasses on my first week in the hospital, yes my ONLY pair of glasses, I left the other pair at home in Msia. As I don't have any locker yet, I was putting my stuff in Jonathan's locker and while sorting my things out I dunno why but I put the glasses on the floor beside my bag. After giving him my whitecoat and other stuff I just picked the bag and went away. A friend of mine said she did see the glasses on the floor while passing by there but didn't bother to pick them up. I went to ask the guard at the reception but he also didn't have any with him. The odd thing is that till now I still feel OK about it, I don't have any bad feelings about losing the glasses. I dunno why but I still feel that they're still somewhere in BH, safe but not in my hands. God where are u glasses? My fault again of not taking a good care them. Mum always said I'd lose my head if it wasn't socketted in my neck (eh macam dalam cerita cina Takashi tu pulak).

Oh stop the nonsense for today, it's my third malam Jumaat in Dublin.

a bit of cracks up there

CRAP

U know that sometimes when u discover something you've long waited to know about, your heart would just jump up and down knowing about it, and u can tap your heartbeats out for the whole period of time, only to find out later that there's something uneasy going on with the thing. Oh this happens to me A LOT. I guess it's some sort of compensatory system God creates for human not to always feel great about himself, when u have good things happen to u, there's always something bad going to happen afterwards to compensate the good feelings you're having at that moments.

It doesn't matter anymore. I feel a bit better now.

It was a pretty chaotic day. And I realized that I've started eating junks again nowadays. Always something fast and convenient, like potato wedges I was having for my lunch (or late-lunch which was at 5pm) today. This is the kind of food that would make me ended up having any bowel diseases someday (oh God no) unless I started eating healthy food back again.

Hm U know what, I'm gonna just be frank here coz I'm a bit mentally unstable today, I miss the "sight" I saw on the week earlier. It's the most comforting sight I've ever seen since I got back here and it's the only thing that keeps my spirit burning now, though it was just that once, yep only one occasion.

Oh I'm starting to be getting weirder and weirder for the day. Don't bother to ask, I might not remember any of these things later in the week when u remind me of them back again.

Till then

a week or so

It’s only 11 am on this fine Friday morning yet I’ve already called the day off. (Oh come on, it’s just the first week. Gimme a break will ya). My only purpose of coming to the hospital today was to attend the 9am lecture, and was entertained by Mr Ireland (the lecturer) who said “Vitamin E is an anti-oxidant and it is fairly important for the sexual activities of rodents” when the topic should be on surgical jaundice. Going out of the lecture theatre, there were a bunch of neurosurgeons and doctors who were having their free breakfast served after the neuroscience symposium thing or whatever they call it. Man I should’ve gone out using the other exit at the rear end, me, Fawaz and Jonathan were like pushing each other for whose gonna be the one that should go and talk to our intern whom we clearly could see after taking our exit. So we ended up just like passing beside her and I was like “Hi” and waved my hand as a gesture not long before Fawaz slowly said “ Oh let’s just go back and have a great weekend since we all don’t feel like going to the wards” and we were like “Yes good idea” then bid our g’byes. That was how it ended.

The whole week was not too bad, I managed to take one history (yes only one) and present it to our intern. There were also a neurosurgeon along with the intern when I was presenting the case so u imagines how they were condemning me. They are really nice people and those were not some destructive comments, it’s just that I wasn’t really ready to be commented on my first case in Beaumont Hosp. But yeah I actually deserved those comments as by now I should’ve master the case presenting skills, so served me right. Then we went to take another history and Jonathan did the physical examination for the upper limbs on the same lady.

A week of experience in BH, I realized some differences of the 2 hospitals I’ve gone study in, between JCMH in Blanchardstown and BH. Well, in JCMH the doctors invited you over to see a surgical procedure or make a schedule for u to meet them in such time for some extra tutorials while here in BH they actually schedule u to go in the wards for some limited times only. Things go pretty hectic over here as BH is one of the main national hosp where all complicated and chronic cases from peripheral hosp being referred to. And by now the wards are pretty stuffed by the students from all 3rd, 4th and final meds who are hungrily hunting for some interesting cases to be taken histories of. So u imagine how busy things are in the wards that somehow affected me by making me less interested in being present there and getting the situation much more complicated (I know it’s a bad excuse to escape from the wards)

And today also I had major mood swing-over. It’s the hormones I know but at one point I really felt like quitting med school and go grab someone to marry me. Haha. If only life’s that simple.

this sick strange creepiness

I'm back to the cold and creepy Dublin, the last place I want to be now. The journey back was not too bad and I was travelling with Yani, Buff and Francis. We arrived in our new basement flat on Saturday afternoon and I was instantly struck by the loneliness of the place. I miss my home dearly and still missing it right now. It seems like every little thing that I do, my mind would fly back thinking that how would it be if I were in M'sia. So there's only me and Yani in the flat, and the cable was terminated by the former tenants that made us the most lonely people in Dublin. The creepiness of the place really caught me inside, I felt like crying everytime I think about M'sia. It is very hard for me to adapt for this time, my mind still continuously thinking about how I miss my parents' nagging, my sibs talking, my nephews crying, my cat, the place, friends, everything. And I'm still figuring how long would I be this way. A week maybe, or longer.

So the flat is the only comforting thing that I hold on to now. It's a very cozy place, a bit bigger than our former flat and there are nice kitchen, washroom and toilet. I sleep in a single bedroom which is at the rear of the house, every morning I open the window the dandelion flowers at our backyard would fly into my room and stick at the pink carpet. And I also realized that there are these two orange cats that would sit on the brick walls at the backyard in the morning playing with each other. Someday I would go and bring them into the flat, I will. John our landlord has cut the grass shorter yesterday evening so there'd be no more dandelions causing messes and it's a good time to think about barbecue in the backyard while it's still summer. When the chill kicks in there'll be no more fun other than staying in the house with the heater on for all times. In Dublin, seriously I can go nuts for the chilly environment, it's my weakest link of all. Cold.

The school started yesterday though there'll be no class till Wednesday. So there's a new team for Medicine and Surgery for everyone for the coming 6 weeks. (Lucky me?) I was put in the Neurosurgery team with my 4 other teammates. A Chinese Msian lad, 2 Arab guys and an Indian American lady. I can't say more about them, the only people that I have the experience working with is Jonathan the chinese guy who was my anatomy groupmates and that's about it. For Fawaz it's just that I always talked to him as he is the library people like me. Sa'ad, nothing much, we were in Blanchardstown last term and he once asked me in a copying room to have a copy of the MCQs paper I was holding at my hand at that time. And for Amita, the IT Officer for the new Students Union, never talked, don't bother about it, and looking forward to see how she goes with the team. Hope she'll be different from what people say she'd be. Who knows right? People might be wrong. I give her my plain white clothes as a beginning, put away all the judgemental thoughts and see how she'll decorate the plain piece of clothes. We're a team anyway anyhow, who's gonna make the days much easier if not for ourselves, so let's make the team runs as it should be. And good news (hopefully), our intern is someone I personally know, my Malay senior who just graduated last summer. I hope this 6 weeks are the ones I will truly treasure, and what more I'm in a surgical team, wayyhayy. I think I'm more into surgery than medicine. Uh I can't tell now, it's just the beginning.

Tomorrow's gonna be our first ward round and us meeting the whole team eyes to eyes. I've got to work on it or else I'll be looking really stupid in front of few of the most brilliant brain surgeons there.

Still missing home.

Leaving On An Airplane

By the time U read this, I might already be high up in the sky on my way back to Dublin. So it has come to the end of my holidays and I've already accepted that fact. Looking back, I had a wonderful holidays with my family and friends around me, it was a beautiful 2 months of my life. My gratitude to all friends that spent their times and money to fill my empty days all along and created some good memories that are worth remembering (U know who U are). I'm gonna miss the hell out of them.

Parting is such a sweet sorrow.

Pray for my safe journey. I'll see U in Dublin.

what I'll miss most from home

there goes the list

1. of course the faces of the people in the house, Mak to the most, I realized that she is the most important person in my life now

2. the tantalizing smells from the kitchen

3. playing video game with Naqib and amuses him with my new achievements

4. Naqib asking me odd questions like "Acu, kenapa ayam ada tulang?" or "Macam mana Allah cipta CD?", one time he even asked his mummy "Macam mana Allah cipta baby?" (*_*)

5. listening to Naqib's stories of his friends or teachers at school-- "kawan Akib yg nama Yusof tu kan..." and " ada Ustaz baru kat kelas mengaji Akib, muka hensem tapi bawak motor buruk je, bunyi bek bek bek"... uh that kid..

6. the moments Along or Angah comes to the house after work and messes the nice evening with stories from their workplace

7. my arguement with Abah over putting Tomato our cat in the cage earlier at night. I always hate it to see animals being locked in a cage.

8. Mak's nagging over my messy room which she ended up doing all the tidy works

9. Along's phone calls asking me "What would U like to eat tonight?"

10. Ola, Adik and I went out on late Saturday nights to find CD rompak in Serdang for the late night movie in the house

11. me lazing around in the house, simply doing nothing, without my parents saying a word about it

12. the nice evenings when Mak cooked all the great kuih muih that I longed to eat

13. me being a total potato couch in front of the telly watching the channel Discovery Travel and Adventure awing at the magnificent places of the world

It"ll took me forever to put them all into a list. What a great holidays it was.

balik mode

My stomach's crunching now, I hate this feeling. I've been stoned for the last few days and U know why, yeah I'm flying back to Dublin on Friday. This is the third time for my third year, yet it felt like my first time departing from my family. It's simply depressing for me and I can't imagine how I'm gonna face it. The whole loads of people's gonna be there bidding their goodbyes for me, and I want them to do on the contrary. The more I think about it, the sadder I'll be. And U imagine how hard I'm gonna cry at the airport on Friday, leaving my loved ones thousands of miles away. And having my Eid Mubarak for the third time (and few other times in the coming years) without my family being around.

For an instant it has brought me to think how I managed to do this, livng on my own without my family for the past 2 years and still surviving. I usually live on the supporting system around me, and yeah I can say that I have a great supportive environment in Dublin with my housemates and friends that eases my life over there. Well to think over again, it's not gonna be that bad isn't it? I'm not going to a place of a cold war or what. Come on Shu U can do this. God give me the strength to face this all over again.

Athens 04 Fever

I just couldn't go to sleep early nowadays. It's the game, I know, but I simply couldn't contain myself from watching it. Exciting. Too much excitements. Especially at the poolside for swimming. OK I'm not a pervert who likes to watch people in swimsuits, it's the sport itself, and IAN THORPE. Man he's a swimgod and a true torpedo. With the whole-body black swimsuit and the yellow swimcap, adding the credits for not showing his bareskins and the underlying bulking muscles, he is the true champion of the pool. Been watching him swimming from the early years of his international appearance and now still, I think he is a great example of an athlete who has consistency, determination, modesty etc that make him always the title holder, plus the donations and the funds he made for the cancer society and the people in need. Oh OK I sounded too much all over him, I'm not OK. It's not him as if HIM THE LOOK (he's not that cute by the way but I like the humble look on his face :p) , he is just my good example of people with great devotions over thing they do for a living.

Comparing to some national athletes we have in our country which I think don't take sporting events they're involved in seriously, just think about what has happened now to the old Watson Nyambek or Azmi Ibrahim, or the national boxer who obtained a gold medal back then in SUKOM 98, uh I forgot the name already, or how about our national hockey team which once has a very good reputation? Where have all these people gone now? They are known for the time they succeed in a major game, and maybe few years after that before their names dissappeared in time. Don't blame the genetics of having short limbs or small posture, how come the small Japanese made it to gold in swimming when we can't? I think it's the attitude that matters, when a student doctor attends classes, keeps track with the lecture notes, goes to the wards, does some personal research, with extra hours of prayers, he surely has booked himself a place of a great doctor/surgeon in the future. Same goes to the athletes. Believe me, I had lived in Majlis Sukan Negara, Bukit Jalil for 2 weeks before my archery tournaments and mingled with the national athletes. They were all very nice and friendly people, but I don't really see the attitude of an athlete who strives to become a better one in them. It was like holidays in there. Oh I'm not judging them based on my 2 weeks observation, it's cruel and injustice to do so. But what the heck, I think it's the mentality of our own people who still not believing that we're capable of achieving something internationally that put us where we are now still.

Did I tell u that I like the leaves thingy they give the medalists in Athens? Yes it's the rounded thing they put on the head of the athletes, with the pale green leaves around it. It's simply classical and inimitable. And I wonder how those athletes could just throw that thing away to the roaring crowds. Man u've earned that, keep it for goodness's sake!!

Oh yes, it's Rejab again. Let us all fill this month of blesses with things that lead us closer to Him. Ameen.