LIFE or anything I'd want to call IT

My life is like one empty circle which I endlessly follow the same very single line everyday without knowing when I’d reach the end. And it’s like I’m already halfway through it, it’s too late to turn back and too far ahead to be reached. I’m feeling of getting a bit sick of it, everything doesn’t seem to amuse me that much. I used to be so fond into going in the wards, now that our intern seems less interested in teaching us, plus the busy environment in BH, I am somehow tired of the chasing-intern series, with Fawaz and Jonathan complaining about her, and me stuck in the middle, of joining them continuing to dislike her attitude, or of keeping on reasoning to them about her being too busy to spare some times with us (she should be thankful, I was backing her all the way, though sometimes it got into my nerves also).

Everything is just grey and boring, like I said before, everyday is like the same sick routines I follow. I’m tired of leading the same inhumane life. I want to do more, something different and interesting. But somehow each time I think of doing a new thing, it’ll be limited by demands from my surrounding and myself. I want to go to medical conferences in UK, yet I don’t have money for that. I want to get involved in voluntary activities, yet the time limited me in doing so. I want to do sports, my free times with the others aren’t just tally. I want to go to somewhere peaceful (my last best place, Amsterdam, when I said peaceful I mean a lot of water), again MONEY is THE ROOT of every problem, I want to do the things I’ve always dreamt of, surfing and scuba diving, not a single chance now.

So what’s next?

Watch DVDs? Been watching till I can’t get hold of any. Japanese dramas? Enough with the crying from the latest one I watched (how could the director be so mean in giving a bad bad ending to such a nice guy?) Hang out at diners with friends eating nice food? Think I’ve gained few pounds out of those. Listening to nice songs? Too much now, have to cut some. Read storybooks? Been jumping on one book to another, Baiev’s The Oath is just too depressing to be finished, others aren’t just too amusing. Stop writing and sleep now? Been dreaming of home and family since the past few weeks, I woke up weeping myself out missing the people back home. Read pathology and escape from medicine surgery for a while? I’ll think about that. Seems fine with me, I was to stuck up with med surgery I forgot there’s more than that in my study life. And how about gym? Yes I’ve started that last weekend, but think I’d limited myself on gym as I’m trying to fast as many days as possible now. Cats? Oh there are a lot of cats in this neighbourhood, and all of them are very adorable with fluffy furs. Damn I miss my Tomato cat back home.

I dunno, I really need something new now. It’s like experiencing midlife crisis you know, though I’m not even 21 yet. I’m serious OK.