Saturday, June 26, 2004

IT'S OVER

alhamdulillah the exam is finished now. i can finally rest my butt off the bed for the whole nite. i can't write long here as i'm going to do my 3RD BATCH of SHOPPING NOW. fly euro fly. i'm taking my flight to Heathrow tomorrow at 5.30pm and a midnite flight from there to KLIA. yeehuuu home here i come!!

later ok

Saturday, June 19, 2004

Blog Break

i won't be blogging for a while till the exam which is on Thursday, 24 June 04. i'll miss writing here but it's not gonna be for long till i can write back. i can see myself getting more addicted to write something here. i have to resist the temptations though, it's too much time consuming. i have a greater priority to be considered.

yesterday i got a text msg from Asie

"Shoe, ko nak dengar citer bengang tak? Pah menang kuiz yg 30 Hari Mencari Cinta! Pemenang Utama. Pastu jumpa SO7 sehari sebelum ko balik M'sia"

jelesnya dgn Pah!! it's her luck this time. tak kesahla, i've met with Duta and the rest of the band 2 yrs back in KLCC (masa tu Duta still single aa). haha

OK STOP NOW

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

alhamdulillah

Location: Tutorial Room 1
Mood: Happy!

Sunny day outside, the radio said it would be 22 degrees celcius for today, quite a temperature for a city like Dublin. i have the fake cold in my surroundings now, it's the air-cond in this tutorial room that caused me to shiver till i finally increased the temperature. BLOATED. one word to describe me now. half an hour a go i was starving that i called my friends to accompany me eating outside (apparently they refused), and after taking a major drastic move, that was eating upstairs at the college cafe, here are the outcomes of me= TERRIBLY FULL+ BROKE. gosh for a simple stirfried chicken and double scoops of mashed potatoes with gravy cost me E5.20. and if i convert the figure to RM, it would be around RM25+. haha bley makan sedap2 kat Chili's or Kenny Roger's. and to make the situation worse, i called Yanie and she said she'd already cooked for lunch at home. huh, guess it's the cafe's luck this time, they got me. nevermind, alhamdulillah my tummy is filled with something nice at least, and it's been a while since i didn't eat at the college, so i guess that would be the last for this academic year inshaAllah.

I've got to keep on moving with my studies as i'm going back home earlier today. we're moving out tomorrow to a new place which is not very far from the present one, so i've got to clear out things and scrape the moulds off the walls and the ceilings of the house today. gosh all these while i wonder how i managed to live in such a condition, maybe that was why i have my bad immunity after all, it's the moulds, they crawled inside my nostrils when i was sleeping maybe. haha. pretty good hipothesis. i can't imagine how am i going to clean the house today. it's gonna be a veeery loong dayyy i supposed. actually i've started some of the packings this morning after subh, and i managed to throw few clothes that were affected by the moulds. gosh they're my worst enemy ever. u don't wanna know how much have i lost for them. clothes, books, even my pencils. gila punya kulat! initially i was patient enough to clean them away or to wash them off the clothes, but after a while they just got into my nerves, i couldn't even look at them anymore so i throw every little things that was affected by them. and our landlord doesn't really seemed to be interested in that anymore. he said he'll do something to improve the ventilation in the house (inilah keburukan duk basement, very poor ventilation!) when he first came after we told him about this. now batang hidung pun tak penah nampak. it doesn't really matter now, we're outta this place. adios house. thanks for all the good memories. apart from the moulds, it's been a good year after all.

i called Along today to ask for anything that she wants me to buy before i go back and we chatted for a while.

"Acu tau tak Mak doakan nama ko 3 kali dekat Jabal Rahmah untuk dapat jodoh. org lain dia doa sekali je. hahaha"

i had a blast hearing that. hahaha. paranoid eh my mum.

Tuesday, June 15, 2004

retro

Currently listening to : Lullaby by Shawn Mullin

everytime i hear this song, old memories come playing in my head with clear pictures of everything i did before (gosh it's haunted). i still remember the times when everyone was so crazy with mIRC, so was i, i never went to bed before i heard azan subuh from the nearby mosque or before i heard the door of my parents' bed being opened. i guess every ordinary kid would be deeply involved with it, org kata masa zaman2 internet mula2 nak popular dulu. i would be spending the whole night chatting with friends, or making new friends from different channels, be it from SBP or MRSM or any school there were. and i would also be listening to hitz.fm or light n easy or whichever radio station that played nice songs throughout the night. and Shawn Mullin's was one of my fav, and it still is. byk kenangan tu. haha. gosh if only i could turn back time.

and at the end of the month, i'd end up being scolded by my parents for the high internet bills and also the electrical bills. they'll usually go double or even triple whenever i was on holiday at home. :p

they said everything comes with a price. and they can never be anymore true!


Monday, June 14, 2004

one last day

last day in JCMH, Blanchardstown

it was a fine 4 weeks course afterall, and i was quite sad to leave the place. i luv everything in JCMH, the wards, the people there (tutors, cunsultants, surgeons, SHO, interns, nurses), the whole environment basically. it was a good start for me and and i hope i'll be sent over there again in my Fourth or Final Med soon inshaAllah (and there would be different people there by that time i supposed). i did my OSLER exam today (Objective Structure Long Exam R..err..forgotten) and it went fine. i passed with P+. so it was a good start, and i ended it fairly well i think. how couldn't i be more thankful to You dear God?

10 days towards the exam

i am not ready yet, i hope i'll be ready when the time comes. it's pretty hot and sunny outside today, and i was gasping for air in this library. it's kind of stuffy and uncomfortable, and i thot of going back early. thinking that i won't be doing much at home, i decided to just stay till the evening and take a 6.55 bus then (there's something about this 6.55 bus, i dunno). apparently the wireless system in the library seems not to be working now (i lost my temper earlier knowing this, but i'm OK now) so i couldn't really do my CAL for Pathology. i think i'm gonna just let this evening off, and start doing things seriously tomorrow. afterall this is my last day in the hospital for this term, and i'm going to enjoy it till the very last bit (gosh haven't u enjoyed enough shu?)

13 days more for HOME

my parents safely arrived home yesterday after performing their Umrah, and i was relieved to be having someone that i can talk to over the phone. (friends would be nice to have a chat with but i have to call them all if i start calling one, it wouldn't be fair to just call one). Mak seemed to be a bit tired, but she said it went great. i warned Ola not to take all nice scarves or jubahs and left me the unwanted ones. the school's starting today in M'sia and Mak had to attend it eventhough she was pretty tired of the journey. while talking to Mak yesterday i heard a cute voice behind saying

'esok Akib demam, Akib tak payah lah pegi school kan'

alahai trick lama.

nak balik nak balik nak balik

i think i just want the term to be over, without even considering the exam i'm going to sit soon. and i figured that was why i didn't have the momentum or the urge to keep on going with my studies.

bad gurl

Saturday, June 12, 2004

Exam Fever + Futbal Fever

i was fairly sick for the whole week this week. it wasn't severe, but it was constant. i sneezed a lot before going to bed, and they were the first things i did when i opened my eyes in the morning. my EYES are killing me, they do. the dark rings around my eyes are going to be there for the rest of my life i presumed, and they're SORE now. i put a slight pressure on them and clear fluid comes out from my nose. it's terrible and i'm out of hankies now. dear mr. immunity, come protect me now will you?

this evening EURO 2004 will officially start, and it's going to consume me the TIME for my studies. dough!!(Homer Simpson's style)

"i heard there was a secret chord
that David played and it pleased the lord
but u don't really care for music, do u"

it's nothing, i just felt like singing today..



Thursday, June 10, 2004

chaotic day

QUICK RUN OF THE DAY

+ woke up at ___ not telling anyone (basically, late again)
+ made b'fast and lunch (tuna sandwiches with double cheese singles)
+ mandi, gosok baju, pakai baju, guling2 depan cermin, sedar2 dah 7.20!!!!!!!
+ took 16A to Dame St, missed 39 when crossing the road (lembab sgt!)
+ arrived at JCMH at 8.15, walked in about 8 minutes, to locker, took white coat
+ luckily Anne still there for the attendance, went in the Auditorium, DR.CEDRIK was giving the lecture (i thot there was an Oncology Conference today- kecewa, no free breakfast)
+ went to Surgical B to meet Dr.Connor with the team, given a list of patients' name
+ curi2 pandang at Mr. El-Sayeed's team, they were having a tutorial with Maryam
+ ish tabley jadi kene join ni
+ ajak Mary joined the tutorial, so we did
+ kene pi depan buat CVS exam kat Azri, terkiput kiput jugakla, saper suruh tak stadi bebetul
+ tutorial finished, went to see 3 patients to take histories, Mary tendang kaki aku masa 3rd patient, indicating that she wanted to do the history taking alone for that patient, ouch
+ went for lunch with Aida, Patricia, Mary, Foong, Nurul
+ new gossip : Peter Norton is getting married tomorrow, muka Foong kecewa
+ went out of cafe, saw Peter Norton carrying boxes into cars: gossip proven true!
+ went up again to Surgical C and B for me to take my PURE HX (no interruption from Mary aa)
+ all patients seemed tired, refused, and were sleeping
+ met Mr Keeling, he asked why didn't went in the OT today, they just finished doing a surgery of a very interesting case. he insisted us to go to the theatre now to see some scopes or anything else (at this time i was having my bad headache, pastu suruh2 org pi sana sini, I WANT TO TAKE MY HX!!)
+ went to change into scrubs, and went up to theatre
+ Mary spoke to Dr Dermuid about the things Mr Keeling asked us to do, he refused of us to go in with him at that time, saying he was having a very bad day and he was working for the whole week (better run before the volcano erupt)---now what?
+ i couldn't take it anymore, the headache got worse, i insisted of going back
+ so i did, Mary too
+ went home, solat zohor, siap2, jalan keluar
+ singgah Ulster Bank, ushar account, cam tak jadi je nak bukak..
+ sampai library, check email, bepoya poya while studying (adeke?)
+ NOW, i'm starting to have runny nose
+ nak balik umah dah balik!!

FOOD EATEN TODAY

+ the tuna sandwiches, though i still have half of it in my beg, kemek seribu..
+ lunch: sliced cod with herb crumbles and mashed with gravy, i couldn't help it, i love the cod so much that i didn't eat my sandwiches from home
+ yogurt beli smalam
+ Snickers Bar (gemuk gemuk!!)
+ planning to eat sat lagi: mee dgn lauk Yani masak smalam

OFF ME GO NOW


Wednesday, June 09, 2004

recurrent irritable episodes (plus some extras)

THE EPISODES

i dunno whether it's hormone or me being very easily provoked, i seemed to have my treshold for irritability very very low, that in the end i felt very tired of being irritated. there were recurrent and concurrent episodes of irritability that at one time i felt like letting them out, but i couldn't. firstly, people, then it was machine, then it was ME, i was irritated by my own self for being so slow in doing things. gosh i've got to keep on moving, the exam is so near yet i still have notes with the thickness of a kamus dewan unsettled. and the episodes of irritability kept on happening for the day, luckily i was patient enough to hold the heaviness inside my chest, not letting them out (damn that lady who was having her gala time chatting on the MSN Messenger using the PC for printing purposes in the library! penat2 belajar dlm med school, tak reti2 nak fikir org lain punya keperluan ke? takkan benda2 civic camni pun nak kene ajar?@*%$^!)

pfft..pfft..

on the other hand, all my irritable episodes were actually being compensated by something that kept myself to be natural again. i was happy for a while for some exogenous stimuli (like meeting someone that i love to see), or i forced myself to smile at the person that irritated me before, and it worked! i was being me for a while before another episode of irritability striked back.

penatnya bila fikir balik. but it's simply just LIFE. full of UPS and DOWNS. never satisfied when u're on the top as u never know when are u going down.

*******
EXTRAS

it happened again yesterday. my intention of stepping in the Golden Discs just to buy one DVD, and i ended up buying MORE. there goes my EUROS for the month. but i think it was worth of money. i finally bought TOP GUN, my all-times fav, and (shockingly) SPECIAL EXTENDED LOTR: THE TWO TOWERS with Gollum's replica in the box (gift set). bagi kat Naqib misti dia suka ni. naah, i'm keeping it. :p

after the shopping spree, me and Yani went to a friends' place in SCR. ada kenduri makan2 sikit katanya (SIKIT???gila banyak!). it was from DR. SITI HAJARIAH and DR. SITI AZLINA who successfully graduated and qualified those tittles last month. bestnye. bila lah turn aku agaknya ek.

anyway

CONGRATULATIONS TO BOTH OF THEM. semoga bertambahlah lagi golongan MUSLIMAH PROFESSIONALS kat muka bumi ni. Ameen.

Monday, June 07, 2004

lima minit lagi

yesterday K.Wan and her three little musketeers came to our house in the evening. those are real brilliant little kids. the 4 of us played my UNO Extreme game, and halfway Harris surrendered his cards and made an alliance with Ajwat, and believe it or not, they didn't even bother to win the game, their mission was to make me lose the game. they didn't even bother to lessen their cards, they brought out cards that'd end up making my turns miserable. i was so stunned by their moves, how clever these 2 little kids, hey they're not even 8 years old yet and they've already have the minds like a big kid.

Ajwat said "Come Harris, it's our payback time to Acik (that's me!)"
i was winning the game until they brought up the Trade Hands Card (where player can trade all his cards with the other player, as i was having the least cards, they traded theirs with me! i ended up having their real thick cards!!)

nice move. i got the second place at last.

i can talk about these kids for the whole day, but i won't. masyaAllah bijak gila, with their real irish tounges. before they went back, they requested to watch LOTR I, and i've got the chance to share my LOTR madness with them, whose obviously mad of the film too (K.Wan said they've watched the film for God-knows how many times).

"So which character do u like most in this movie?"

Ajwat, Harris and Widad " Aragorn!!"

"Yes that's my boyfriend if u wanna know :p"

Ajwat "But he married Arwen in the end, but she didn't fight in the war!"

"She was sick"

Ajwat again "Yes, she was..but (nada tak puas hati)"

Kids, they're addictive. i can spend my whole day with them without doing anything else.

Saturday, June 05, 2004

recrudescence of a procrastinator

it happens to me all the times when i'm facing the day, that i put on words in my head to describe the flow of the day that i'd like to write here in this blog, but in the end they just disappear left me no clue on what should i write when i finally have my time alone with my laptop on. i've been planning to write on a lot of things, but when i started writing here, i just drifted away to write on something else. quick list of things i planned to write about, but i failed to (not yet)

+ Maulidurrasul, 12 Rabiulawal 1425. in my 20 years and few months of life, that was the first time i really dug in the true meaning of maulidurrasul (alhamdulillah He finally showed me the way). that brought me to really realize how little i was before in knowing and understanding about my own religion, my own Saviour of the Ummah. all these while i thought i knew about faith, the truth is i just follow what people taught me, with little understandings and little thoughts being put on. islam ikutan bukan islam penghayatan. i was weak, and i'm ashamed of myself for that. and i'm still weak now. good Lord give me the strenght to move on.

like a friend of mine said
" menyambut Rasulullah bererti dengan melaksanakan apa yang dilakukan baginda dan menjauhi yang dilarang."

bukan sekali setahun saja.

+ Happy Mother's Day (so belated, but i cheerish this day everyday in me), my everdearest Mak. actually we celebrated this (people in Ireland) way before people in Msia and US celebrated it. i couldn't really remember the exact date (near March was it?) but nvm. i've been thinking about Mak and myself, how i am nearly my mother now. yes i am slowly becoming my mom, for every little thing that i see in Mak, i can see them coming out of me now.

i used to make some light jokes with Ola on how paranoid Mak was when she was on the road driving, one time she pulled out at the side of a road when she saw few big lorries trailed her car behind. and Mak would put on face when i mentioned that in front of her, denying that she actually did that, saying that she's improved and she can really drive like a pro now. yes it's true, she is. and now i AM eating my own words, as i AM paranoid on the road, i really do. i never drive since i had my license, eventhough i already have my full license now. it's not fear, it's my problem in recognizing the roads and places that kept myself unconvinced on the road. whenever Mak asked me to put my hands on the wheels, i kept reasoning her about this, and she could really give me the grin, the whose-laughing-now grin. serves me right. at least Mak tried to drive (or she had to) initially after she had her license eventhough she had few episodes that we could really laugh about. i never did. that really put me to the bottommost of the list now.

i could never be more insecure than my mother. now i could really understand her feelings whenever she tells me not to go to this place, to take precautions before going, to really think about any possible things that could happen at that place; the list never ends. i know now how insecure she is whenever it comes to food, that every small particles of food that she ingested being part of her body. i can really understand them all now. and again i think i'm much worst than her. now i don't even want to move out staying at an area where there's no Msian people living there, or less Msian people living there. and i could go really paranoid before going on a trip, thinking to the most extremes, when they all turned out to be OK. basically, i am afraid of changes until i am convinced that they would bring no harms to me. almost the same like Mak. hopefully i won't go any worse.

those are the two most obvious changes that i noticed in me, and there's few minors that i got by adaptation. like i teach myself to really like chocolate biscuits or cakes with the orange taste in them (ie Jaffa Cakes), like Mak always loves to. i used to make fun of this, saying that during her times, there weren't too many manufacturers that do flavourings other than orange (berries, or peaches) that she only likes to eat everything orange. orange chocolate biscuits, orange soft drinks, orange cakes. (now u know how we like to make fun of Mak at home, haha, that's part of our jobs in the house other than argueing amongst us). but here in Ireland, i learn to like stuff with oranges, this brought me closer to Mak. i want to taste what she's tasting. i want to be like her.

now i really2 feel like flying home.

+ i went for a hiking trip at Doolin, County Clare on the 21st March. it was simply an unimaginable experience and i nearly cried on the day we went back to Dublin. i was brought up by the coast, and they all came back to me when we were there. the view, the place, though it was prettier in Doolin, but i really miss the beach near our home in Tganu. Eamonn (my Irish friend) used to tell me how he can never live in other places than his home now which is in Portmarnock, a simply breathtaking place by the sea not very far from Dublin's City (i went there with few friends not long ago). he once moved out to live with other friends in the city but he moved back home with his parents, saying that he simply can't live away from the sea (or was he just couldn't live away from his parents :p). he said they all agreed that, the people that's living by the sea, they never can live in other places. i agreed on that too! but my good side is i can teach myself to, i'm not restricting myself on that (daa, how am i living now if i couldn't?). i would like to talk more on this trip, hope i have the chance to. later huh.

they are all more or less the things i thot of saying here before, but i kept reasoning of my lacking of time. (yeah you big PROCRASTINATOR). i'd love to talk more about my clinical life in the hospital now which i enjoy very much, but again, hope i have the time to.

+ yeah i think i'm digging into surgery now. this is so not like me! time will tell...

i've got to start studying now. gosh why is the MOMENTUM's not here yet.