of rendang overdose, eid-ul-adha and Saddam's execution

I woke up early today as my stomach responded naturally to the overloading rendang I had yesterday from eid. Oh yes, selamat menyambut hari raya aidiladha to the Muslims all around the world. I brought myself to remember one important event that's happening today far across on the other part of the world, that is the Saddam Hussein's execution. Turned on the laptop and the radio in my room, didn't wanna wake up a friend who was fast asleep in the lounge. As I read the news all over the internet, I couldn't help the mixed feelings I had. Anger, sadness, remorse, anger, confused, shame, anger again. I don't know. The 3 minutes video of his execution brought a little tears to my eyes. Maybe it was my fear of death and the hereafter more so than witnessing Saddam's pulseless head mercilessly overhanged with the crowd roaring out loud in the background. God what is happening to the world?

I remember asking one of my close Arab friends about her view on Saddam's regime. Having to see her own dad taken away by Saddam's troop during the Iraq-Kuwait war (Gulf War) in the 90's, she was just relieved when they returned him unscratched after being held in caption overnight and has a tough view pertinent to Saddam's business eversince. Myself, living in a peaceful country with my dad coming home every evening to have dinner with the whole family, I don't know which side should I pick. I'm angry the fact that Saddam's dictatorship had caused a lot of chaos and discords between the Arab world, fuming the Sunni-Syiah conflicts and ripping the people of the religion apart . But I do think it's just horrendous the oil-driven-play that Mr. Bush has put up toying Iraq as if people's innocent lives have no value at all. I think it's demoralizing and insulting to the religion as well that the execution was held on one of the holiest days of us Muslims when they literally slaughter a Muslim as a qurban. And I think it's the lowest level of sadness and grieve seeing a group of Muslims with different views cheering on another Muslim's moment of death.

I am indeed only talking from a peek view from outside the glass house. There's a lot to learn; for us Muslims, from this event. I have a lot of doubts when Bush mentioned in the news that the execution will put an end to the Iraqis sufferings under Saddam's regime. I pray in my daily prayers that Allah SWT protects and gives victory the Muslims all over the world.

B&W eid night

Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha.
Maaf zahir & batin.

Clearly a lot of issues been going on up there.
I tried my luck in B&W. My sifu said use ISO800 to give the grain effect to make it more classical. Clearly the 4 girls from the right have ruined the picture and made it less classical (what's it with coats and jeans for classics?)
In the middle we have the hottest girl giving the hottest pose ever.
On the far right, I'll be killed for mentioning this the 3rd time but I simply can't help it; Gusaccii..

Happy eid all~

Istanbul, not Constantinopole

What a holiday it is.

I went to Istanbul, Turkey with a group of friends one day after the holiday officially commenced. Back to basics, the initial intentions (niat) would vary between individuals, and verily we get only what we wished for. Honestly, my mixture of goals for this trip were almost all fulfilled. History, people, local delicacies, shopping, peace of mind, friendship, and yep, olives..well there maybe some cracks and holes here and there but heck, how do u interpret 'ideal' when nothing is as perfect as the only Creator above?

Blue mosque at night time from the top of a building

Turkey post-Attaturk is as half confused as I am. You see the stunning Aya Sufya (Haghia Sophia) with large dome and golden walls only wasted for the eyes to be seen when she can accomodate a lot of people for prayers. Great job Attaturk, she is now a museum. Once we were stopped by a local man, (thanks to one of the trip members who put himself out as if we're so well off, I must say half of the trip were so interesting because of this :p) he mentioned he's as poor as any Kurds could be and gave us good bargains for some turkish made table cloths for the fact that we share and practise the same faith. We, eaten by sympathy, bought few and opened his rezki for the day. Only later on the way back to the hostel we bumped into him by the roadside having his shoes polished while he recommended us this place down the road called the 'English Pub' with drinks and live belly-dancing. Wow, I got more confused there and then.

Nevertheless, the Turks in general potrayed me their strong faith in God, though their practise would still be questionable (well who am I to judge that). With population ratio for M:F nearly 5:1, I must say the 4 of us girls got special attentions when it comes to bargaining for cheaper price when shopping (and broke some of the guy's hearts for a cheaper apple tea deal hi hi). Never had I travelled to a place where eating was a bliss; easy coz everything is halal, and super cheap. Tell me where in the world could you get a kebab for EUR0.70? (Irish price EUR6 +/-). And God the rest; the pomergranite juice, the profiterols (ok I know u can get this anywhere else in the world but I thot I had the best one in Istanbul), the apple cay (tea), the hamburgers (oh drooling), the pistachios turkish delights, and the olives, hmm.

Turkish apple cay, profiterol, Turkish coffee

Now that I'm back to the real deal in Dublin, half of me still wanting to be off reality and live on holidays forever. I gather the best way to see life is by putting oneself as a traveller; moderate insecurity, a lot of vigilance, specks of adventures, a lot of learnings, and for most of the time the uncertainty of what future beholds make one connecting oneself to the Creator more so than any other time. Afterall, we're only travellers on our journey to the eternity ain't we?


Well, the holiday shall continues. It is an interesting one indeed..

post-scriptum: Yah was in Dublin 2 days ago. She's graduating about the same time I will next year inshaAllah. She mentioned about the travelling she's done 5 years living abroad, which was none (other than yearly visit to Dublin for PUISI). I asked why, she said, "Buat apa nak pegi visit tempat tu untuk tengok2 sedangkan kau boleh tengok kat depan komputer je semua tu.." He he, Yah, you've not changed a bit.

my dogma on the current life

I realized if I have the chance to freeze time, it would be now (though it's not the best of times I had, plus there's no options for rewinding time, and I'm desperate). Yep, I desperately don't want my student's life to end, not yet!

How bad the days turn out to be, how bitchy the (over-achiever) friends are, how intimidating the lecturers could be, how bland the hospital food taste on your tongue, how tight the schedules could drive you mad, how nauseated you could be on the bus ride, how terrible the weather is;

at least, at the end of the day you can still laugh about the stupid things you did in the day without compromising some other people's lives. No heavy duty responsibilities. (Well that's if you don't include the compulsory case uploads and quizzes per weekly as heavy duty responsibilites now).

What make the days more meaningful is the people around you; the great friends who talk the same mind as yours, the inspiring doctors and lecturers you really wish you'd become alike one day (and inspire other people in return), the patients who use medical jargons more than you do you wish you'd have them for the exams..thanks all, you wouldn't be able to imagine how much impacts you've given to one's life.

And the best part would be; after you finished bitching about your bad days (and relate your life to a song coz you like it and you think the video is cute); you'll eventually come to the long holidays you'd never been able to think about once you've started working...hmm...

Why do lately my tastebuds yearn for saffron and olives and I feel the Bosphorus breeze on my face~~~

Oh I love this moment so much I wanna dump the other moments, marry this and start having little kids.. -Dr Cox

not just a bag of bones (but i'm just a bag of craps i know)

Oh me. I think I'm in a big trouble.

It's my bone consultant.

He's the leading shoulder guy of the country. And he's just in his mid-30's. And boy, he has resemblance for Jack from Lost. Only better looking. (A lot better).

Yesterday he wore his blue L.V tie in the clinic (last week it was Hugo Boss with matching suit). He asked me to go to the day ward with him for a while. On the way there he spoke about his major affinity on the key-hole shoulder surgery, I swear I could see passions in his eyes.

What else could I asked for the final fortnight of my surgery rotation. A successfull (and good looking) teacher with a lot of passions in his work. Things can't be better than this. (He would've been less attractive if he lacks his passions I promise)

This notion will keep my mouth cramps from smiling too much, even the thought of Prof Bukit won't eradicate this.. (cut the story short, he's the evil character in my book of life now)

Adios peeps~ (smiling broadly)

of contemplating

On Thursday (my birthday) I arrived in the hospital at 6.45 in the morning. (What a great way to start celebrating your birthday like that). That day the students in the main general surgeons' teams had to present their patients on the dry rounds. So lucky me, I was one of them. I came to the 7 am ward rounds, got the patients' updates; vital signs, feeding, input output, drains, etc, all checked. I had 3 patients under me who were in different wards. So I had to run to these 3 different places to check them, and then ran to the lecture theater for the surgical grand rounds afterwards.

Just when I was about to finish my updates I noticed that my small cards were gone, the small cards that I jotted down my patients' details, they were all gone!! How could I be so careless. I started panicking, this won't be good I thought. I literally had to trail back my footsteps for the past hour, from the lower ground floor ICU to the 4th floor. I started panicking really bad. It was the patients' confidential details and also the lines I was going to say in front of prof's face that I worried about. And in that desperate moment I wouldn't be able to think about reconstructing new lines for my presentation. I had to find the papers, oh God the hospital is so big and those papers are so small, and I only have a little time left before the dry rounds began! That moment I knew I was in total hopelessness. I didn't know who to ask help from and what to do. I knew I ONLY had HIM.

I started saying istighfars and asked help from Allah swt. If I had to vote for one moment that I was absolutely powerless, it had to be that one. It felt like I had nothing around me, and only strings attached to my limbs straight to the sky above. Like the string doll. Waiting for my master to move me. I uttered more istighfars. I knew I didn't put my best performance as a muslim lately. I repented and repented more. I moved my feet to the stairs and went to the ICU. Hanged the whitecoat and got into the plastic apron. Searched for the papers near my semi-sedated patient. Not there or anywhere near him. Dumped the apron and quickly ran to the 3rd floor. I became more panicked. I'll miss the grand round and prof will call my name for the student's feedback after it finishes and I won't be there, I bet that would happened to me, just adding the nerves and making more sense to the catastrophic morning I was having.

Reaching the 3rd floor, I went into the the first room from the corridor. I knew I spent some times there in the morning talking to my friend, chances were I might dropped the papers there. With the greatest hopes and prayers, I went in the room, slowly, not to wake the fast asleep patients. I saw my patient who was already up, arranging her tray of coffee and breakfast. She smiled at me, "You left these papers on my table." Paused. My wobbly legs suddenly got strong again. I was overwhelmed with relieves and gratitudes. If I had more times I would give that patient the biggest hug in the world. (But I didn't). So I thanked her and ran my way to the theater. Along the way, I was walking in feelings of total shame; to Him; I didn't dare to lift my face up. How weak I was as a human, and how I have forgotten my duties in the good times, and how easy it is to be put into bad times to be reminded again. I realized that the past nervewrecking 20 minutes of my life had deemed me to fastly connecting myself to my Creator again.

So the day went very well afterwards. No prof didn't called my name after the grand round. And the presentations went smoothly as well, I couldn't be happier. I had greetings and presents for my big day from friends and family near and far, I was sincerely grateful for all of those. But the best gift for the day would be knowing that I still have my chance to ask forgiveness from my God The Almighty and live my life as a Muslim. O'Allah my Lord, let me live and die as one of your Mukmins. Ameen.