jalan terus

OK video minggu ini pastilah.



Semoga aku berupaya menghapus jejakmu. OK jiwang ferum oksida (karat).

So I am 100% back to the usual life of a junior doctor. Yep the one that revolves around CT scans, bloods, and sometimes good looking doctors and staffs. My return this time was greeted by a patient's lists of one full A4 sized paper. Overloading. So I started doing the jobs blindly, ordering this and that, discussing this and that. Have to sort them all and yep, got them all sorted, again, blindly. No time to even go through the proper history why they were admitted at the first place. Oh well..

The most interesting thing I saw today was legs swelling, that one can never imagine how grossly enormous they could be. Massive, all fluid filled. Poor lady in pain.

And today is dad's 59th birthday. I send prayers that Allah swt grant him health and wealth all along, herein and hereafter. Abah went highs and lows to make sure his children became what they are now. There were difficult times, and having the daughter so grumpy, demanding, difficult but cute like myself is not helping. Aah now is the payback time you say. So for that I'm attributing whatever my life now is to him. What would I be without you dad..

me amor, mucho ti amor

IzaKusha spotted me on the dot upon stepping foot at home. We simply connect. She showed me this.

We WILL live happily ever after my friend, soon InshaAllah. It's been more than 10 years, we SO feel each other.


I'm just recuperating from Italia. The house is upside down, and I have loads to do on my list. I mean really, LOADS. Everything feels so cold outside the room. OK pecah rahsia tak mandi lagi.

Back to friggin' reality.

Venezia, Italy

i'm right there if you get lonely, give this song another listen, close your eyes, listen to my voice, it's my disguise, i'm by your side..

I was almost certain I sang that Delilah song in my head while I was writing the medical notes at the desk when one of the doctors there suddenly started following my tunes. Erkk. I turned my head up and there he was smiling away. That Delilah song is seriously haunted. This could be very cliche or I could just possibly be hallucinating post-call.

Moral of the story is not to use the song as your alarm tone in the morning OK. Especially when you're on-call.

We have one patient who was admitted with severe CO2 narcosis with initial pH on the ABG of 7.19 (severe acidosis). He was refusing treatment while trash talking to the SHO, who apparently lost his coolness and started pointing out the fact that he might well be dead if he didn't start using the NIPPV machine right away. So he did. And the blood pH and CO2 recovered.

Today the night staff reported that he was refusing the machine again. We spoke to him, literally had to bargain about his life-threatening actions. After few different chats with him and the family, we came to conclude that he wanted comfort measures with minimal interventions. That means he can refuse treatment as he wishes and we'll respect that decision.

I went to do a repeat ABG on him. He was zonked, I'd say from the accumulating CO2 in the blood. Literally had his eyes rolled up and arms twitching and flapping intermittently. I was talking through to him while poking the needle in, not sure he listened. Before I left I heard he said, "Say your prayers to Allah for me please." I halted, not sure I was listening correctly. "Pardon me?" And he repeated the same words.

The last time somebody said that to me was Mr Smith. And he died not long after. Man..

I'm wrecked, homeless and lost

What are the odds of having the unexpected things happening in one day?

It started with the painful workloads from carrying 3 bleeps --> there were no senior doctors in the respiratory team to manage the patient who blew up like a Michelin man from SVCO --> the iced cold weather made me couldn't breathe --> the thousands of discharge letters on demands --> realizing the keys to the apartment has been left somewhere at the workplace --> then the battery of the mobile phone went dead altogether.

Lucky there's still friends whom one can crash place into.

Michelin man OK

The fact is I miss home so much. And I cannot do anything about it tonight. The pin number for the phone card is in the dead mobile phone. Great. It's shameful how incapacitated human can be without simple technology. Maybe I should start training doves to be my messengers.

At this pace, life is so frustrating it's unbearable. Mostly from being busy and its consequences. And being lonely. And being busy too. And I wonder if karma is playing me cause I can really feel the jinx now.

I pray to God the Almighty to forgive me..

connecting at 3 degrees Celsius

It has been extremely extremely busy I wanna scream.

"AAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh". (muka dlm bantal).

There.

Winter's coming over, so all already bad lungs in the world would go worst in these cold days, hence why the list of patients has been actively expanding. In fact it was so hectic that once I got home I felt terribly lonely from doing nothing. So today I stayed over with the on-call team just to have dinner with them. THAT lonely. I was later sent home by one of them. I'm lonely but not in love with the hospital OK.

Living alone like this, I realized one of the essentials in life would be good companies. No matter where you'd be thrown to, with great people around it'll somehow get you through things. I've had great companions before, and still do, thought I've lost some, I'm still grateful for whoever's still here for me. I'd kill myself from depression if not for you. OK I won't actually.

So thank you to the chinese x-ray lady who've been helping me finding my lost x-ray films, to the patient who said my crooked un-ironed tudung was lovely today, to the bitchy nurse in the ward who made me having a great time bitching about you back with my colleagues (you bitch I bitch, whatever), to the physiotherapist who'd passed for the next Superman's role (why did you wear contact lenses and became more delicious, why?), to Nikon and Sony for having Korean food with me the starving intern, to my cool teammate who kept checking things on me while he was on leave, to Prof Horatio for just being Prof Horatio (sighing out loud) - I simply owe you big time for helping me going through things, directly or indirectly.

Not forgetting my dear family and friends at home whose supports and love have been overflowing, to Majlis Amanah Rakyat for sponsoring my life here the past 5 years and allowing me to stay over to work, to all Malaysians in general, go boleh-land!

This has been more like an award-winning speech and way too damn emotional..

the Saturday well-planned

How have you guys been?

I have been extremely busy in honesty. No it was actually the work which has been extremely busy, and I'm just sucked into it. I have developed some kinda acclimatisation towards the busy lifestyle. For an instance there's an indentation from my bum on the 2 seater couch at my lounge where I fell asleep every night coming back from a long day a work. You'd imagine my bed is still tenderly untouched since I started working this time around. Thank God for mum's home-made rendang, I have lost my touche of idea on how to turn instant noodle into something more palatable.

My team was on-take on Thursday with both the registrar and SHO away the day after. So you'd imagine only us the 2 interns in the team running around to manage the new patients with all sorts of illnesses in the world.

On Saturday I was planning to renew my visa here so I woke up really early for that. Walking out to the bus stop, I saw the bus coming from afar when I was approximately 200 meters away. So in my slightly uncomfortable shoes (beauty is pain), I, with all my might, ran my life away to catch the bus coz it'll only be at least 15 minutes after that another bus would come. Here's the rough illustration of what happened.



So in my poor scale drawing, you can see the traffic lights there which helped me by putting out the red light at the correct time. I would go and kiss you if I wasn't running for my bus. Then there were my coins for the bus which flew out gracefully from my coat's pocket when I was intensely running. And as I came closer to the bus stop, I noticed there was this one old lady who was walking while pushing her trolley of stuff just at the roadside. She suddenly stopped walking and parked her trolley while cheering out for me "Run girl, run! You'll catch the bus if you keep running!". OK Aunty, do u see what am I doing now? Don't worry I didn't say that, I was busy controlling my breathing so I'd look like someone who's used to sprint out like that. Yeah like the one in the olympics. I smiled at her though, I'm not that cruel. So yeah, I managed to catch the bus just on time. **huffing & puffing**

So that was me on Saturday. Another incident happened at the immigration office. I'd love to put an illustration on it but afraid I might be caught by the local officer for my suspicious immigration building drawing plan. Ah you know these people these days..

On-call tomorrow..eurghh..