curiosity kills the cat

i think i had quite a good start for this new term..first lecture was not bad at all..all introductions of the subjects i'm taking went fine, though most inputs came pouring on my face, i think i managed to get em rite..

i finished my class at 12 noon today, i had only 1 pathology lecture though there were lectures on clinical skills and student welfare by Dr.Lavelle and Liz Doyle in the morning..we got a logbook and a clinical manual book for the clinical skills subject before the lectures began..while waiting for my turn to collect the books and while waiting for the whole class to get theirs, i was chitchatting with a friend..we simply took a glance on the people in front and around us and make some simple comments on them..bukan ngumpat aa..haha..we were just amazed by the looks/appearances of most of our classmates..with the new dresscode for attending classes in the hospital, everyone looks so smart and soo..doctorish..yeaaa that's the word (doctorish??adeke??)..it's like u're so used to see u're friends in denim and casual gear and suddenly everyone's wearing nicely ironed shirt and slack with nice tie (for guys) and nice colorful shirt with skirt or slack for ladies (bile nak pakai baju kurung ni shu?)..no piercing and nice clean hair cut (i like this part most for guys..i always hate to see guys with long hair..serabutnye!)..hope the change of look stays for the whole academic year till our graduation day..inshaAllah..

while commenting..ehem..err..while giving my opinion on this one friend of ours (a foreigner) suddenly my friend said "banyaknye awak tau pasal dia..awak ni obses ke ape.."..haha tegelak besar..obses??adeke..i told her one thing that people don't usually know bout me..that i like to observe people and things around me..actually it's not that i LIKE to do it, but it's just my natural habit to do it, which can be so bad in some cases..n it's not like observing people like 'jaga tepi kain orang'..i usually observe people that happened to bump into my life, like watching their behaviours and after that i make inferences of them..i'm also easily to get distracted by people talking or the gestures of people making a conversation..this explains why i cannot sit at the back in a lecture theatre and even if i'm studying in the library, i usually find a place far away from people and i have to get a bookholder to make a sort of partition for me and the people's sitting beside me (like now!)..if not i'll be so distracted by the things the person's doing..and mind you, i have a pair of very sharp ears (not the pointy ones like the elves)..i got that from my dad i think, that's the reason i am so easily distracted by noises and that also explains why i usually know more stuff than one's do because i often overheard nearby's conversations (unwanted conversations that i unlikely wanted to know but i happened to know!)..some are beneficial but most reveal the darker side..

back in high-school, people might not believe me if i told them that i know which towel belonged to one n which was not, whose bucket was that in the shower room and which bucket was this shampoo belonged to, whose telekung n sejadah was that at the rack, and who should i asked to if i wanted to borrow this particular pair of slippers..i knew, i really knew!i dunno why but i just happened to know..while queing for turns in the shower room or while wearing my telekung at the surau, i observed people n things around me..n these things remained encoded in my long term memories i guess..

in my opinion, sometimes being curious is good but as i said up there, curiosity also kills the cat..in one case (this is a hot new case :p) i just happened to bump into this guy when i arrived in the library today, who was my batch's First Prize Winners for most subjects for our last First Professional Exam..he's a Norwaygean guy, a very simple guy, doesn't really have any genius look or wut, n he can always be seen walking with his French Horn (the instrument)---this is also by my simple observation of him..so all these times i was wondering about him, i mean wut is it really his secret that put him forward than other people?i don't really see him much at the college or in the library, maybe some unoccasional conversations with some friends outside the library or so or i see him walking to the room at the coffea dock where people plays their instruments and that doesn't seemed to add some credits to him..so this evening, i JUST knew that this simple guy i'm talking about is not the guy i interpreted earlier..he was sitting with his laptop, i guess he must be downloading today's lecture notes and stuff and later he opened his pathology texbook and did some writings on a paper..clearly he was doing today's stuff and i think an hour later he already packed his things and walked out of the library after stopping a while at the door to greet a friend...and my observation of him tells me that it doesn't really takes hours of efforts to excel, all u need is an updated work and use your brain optimumly..like him! (yet why am i not doing the things he's doing now?)

so the bad side of my curiosity is, sometimes i can be too judgemental and jump into a fast and harsh conclusion without taking any consideration..i have to admit that i am a weak human that makes mistakes..and the bad side of being an observant is i'll worry myself of an unrealistic thing that i overheard or saw and also i tend to know too many irrelevant stories of people..kadang2 tu serabut otak..

and the weird part of being an observant is, I DON'T REALLY SEEMED TO BE A GOOD OBSERVER WHEN IT COMES TO THE RECOGNITION OF ROADS AND PLACES..AND ALSO DATES..which makes me a bad driver (i'm not even one actually, though i have a license) and i can also easily be lost in time and space..don't believe it?try me...

-good or bad, i thank Allah for my curiosity and the ability to observe and hope to use 'em the right ways..

nervous ke?

I was not in the mood of continuing the tale of my 8-days journeys since the last entry..n certainly not now! maybe later when I find the perfect mood n the perfect timing..i also have a list of things that I remembered I wanted to give my comments about before my last exam (that I said I forgot, now I’ve regained the memories back!!)..most of ‘em are about my decisions of things, and how the decisions go from there, affecting my life..later later..

Rite now I am so nervous..my heart’s pumping like I just finished a 100meters sprint..(wuish remember those times in school when I had to do the 60meters run in a range of time to get points for the house—all of us did, n I struggled so much to do it, coz I never meant to be a sprinter!!athlete endurance maybe..certainly not a sprinter)..i can’t keep myself to calm down..why?huh silly reason..because I’m gonna start my new term tomorrow!!!might sound silly to some, not for me..i felt like I was going to enter my first year in med school again..the same nervousness..of the things that are going to happen to me, which are the things that I’m not sure wut they are…err bad sentence..never mind..but it’s true..this new term is not like another term I had before, coz it’s gonna totally be in a different place, not in college anymore but I’m gonna have my lessons in a hospital!!can you believe it??I finally reached this level that I always dreamt myself to be in, doing the ward rounds, talking to the patients while taking their history (history of the illnesses they’re having..med stuff)..cam tak caya..tapi kene caya..believing or not believing, I still have to face it, n it’s starting in a matter of hours..

Risau..will I survive it??

During my Early Patient Contact Programmes in First Med, I had some experiences on these stuff..I have to admit that I am bad in coping wut a patient tries to say when it comes to one on one conversations..maybe I am more on getting to understand one’s feelings than getting the details of the things he’s talking about (it’s different from the lecture environment where u have one lecturer standing in front n u’re listening with hundreds other people)..n yeah I’m more to please someone I talk to I guess (then I should be an entertainer, not a doctor..too late for that :P)..i realized this earlier during the programme and slowly I’m trying to change my way of thinking..for this matter, I think I might be facing some problems in my earlier classes (subject: Medicine Surgery) but it relieves me to think that when I do face one, I already know why…

I just finished talking to K.Siti Hajar on the phone, asking whether I can borrow her book, which she didn’t have actually..she detected my nervousness I guess, asking me to take everything calmly..was I being too transparent??was it my voice that showed it all..i dunno...as a matter of fact I am nervous and that’s y I’m keeping myself away from people (my other housemates), so that I’m not affecting them in any way, of my nervousness..

K.Siti: relax dulu..enjoy..jangan gabra sangat..awal lagi ni nak gabra…
Me: saya rela gabra dulu enjoy kemudian…
K.Siti: buat macam K.Siti, enjoy je setiap masa…
Me: K.Siti lain….

Memang lain pun..she impresses me by her way of thinking..i truly think that K.Siti is a real meant-to-be-a-doctor kind of person..she’s calm in everything she does..sempoi, I read her..tak kesah pasal hal2 yg tak relevan dgn kehidupan dia dan tak relevan dgn Islam…I wish I have that way of thinking…but I’m not her..n I know that..and I’m always like that..i’ll be so nervous on a thing before it happens, the nervousness is like an alarm for me that urges me to do my preparations, and the ‘enjoying’ episodes come later...

Takpela..belum cuba belum tau…who knows this year is going to be my year..

Fuh..i’m a little relieved now..i guess I’ll just have to pray hard to be having a good head start for this term...O’ Allah, I pray for your guides and clear pathways for my new term..ameen…

Segala puji bagi Allah, Tuhan yang mentadbir sekelian alam, aku mulakan term baru dengan lafaz BISMILLAHIRRAHMANIRRAHIM…

Jour Un: Dublin-Beauvais-Paris-Meaux

…..

I was only out with Yani waiting for a bus to go to the airport at about 2 pm, and our flight was going to be at 4 something..i doubted at first that we could catch the flight, and I had the same feelings of missing the flight like the one happened last year during my winter break (we missed the flight back to Dublin from Stansted Airport n spent the nite at the airport, surrounded by fear!)..the bus came a little bit later and i kept praying n hoping that we could make it on time..thank God we did!

There was quite a lot of people in the same flight as ours..n half of them had started speaking French, which made me realized that I REALLY was going to Paris (I still couldn’t believe that I was going actually until that particular moment, maybe because I haven’t been travelling for quite a long time)..i got a window seat which I enjoyed so much, and when we were high up in the sky I was so stunned by the view I saw..it was like an ocean of clean white clouds and I thot of how nice it would be if I can go out n play on them..subhanallah..how great Allah is, He created ocean on land n up in the sky..(they really looked like an endless ocean I tell ya...like as if they were real ocean, white one though)

“..Sesungguhnya pada langit dan bumi benar-benar terdapat tanda-tanda kekuasaan Allah S.W.T untuk orang yang beriman..” –Al-Jathiyah:2

insaf insaf..

finally we reached Beauvais Airport..it was a really small airport and the buildings were like a bunch of temporary square tents people build for kenduri n parties..they looked so pathetic..that explained the cheap ryanair ticket I think..huhu..rasanya airport kuala terengganu 50 kali lagi gempak..nway we rushed to buy bus tickets to go to Paris, it was already dark outside n we still had a long way to go..it took 1 and half hour to go to Paris, on the way I saw familiar views, as if I was taking a bus in Malaysia..the highways, the houses, they really looked similar to my eyes (I wished I was really in Malaysia) and finally we reached Paris..i told Yani of the things I saw on the journey n she agreed with me!!but the excitement faded quickly, being replaced by my worries..actually we booked a room in a hotel in Paris-Disneyland, not the city Paris itself..n now we had to find our way to go there..thank God we did prepare for this the nite before, so we started to search for RER station (one of the intercity train link in France)

reaching at the Porte Maillot station, there was no one at the counter n the ticketing machine had no option for English language…

tercengang jugakla…ape nak buat ni..

after looking at the train route n discussing for like 10 minutes, finally there was a man came to run the ticket counter..

lega..err now how do I talk to him?I think he can speak English but I’m not so sure..

so we looked back at the train route..

now we have to go to Marne-la-Vallee-Chessy station using A4 train route (RED )n we are now at the Porte Maillot, at the C route (YELLOW)..so we have to take this train n stop at St-Michel Notre-Dame and exchange the train for Chatelet Les Halles..from there we are already on the A4 route n we just have to go straight to Marne-la-Vallee-Chessy..done..

err bon soir, deux TICKETS a St.Michel-Notre Dame, s’il vous plait..
(good evening, 2 TICKETS to St.Michel-Notre Dame, please-->I forgot wut TICKET is in French..bantai jek la cakap rojak..huhu)

counter man: bon soir..c'est.....s'il vous plait...(speaking French fastly)

tercengang lagi..

counter man: (smile)..it’s E2.60 please..

malu, tapi sangat lega!!
(btw 2.60 euro= deux six-ans euro..i figured that one out few moments later)
err..actually we’re going to Chessy station..bla..bla..take train to St.Michel..bla bla..then to Chateles Les Halles bla bla..then to Chessy..is that the correct route we’re taking??

counter man: oui..

relieved again..then we continued the journey of another 1 n half hour on train..Chessy station is at zone 5 n we started at zone 1..plus the time taken in exchanging n waiting for the next train..it should consumed less than 1 n half hour actually..

reaching at Chessy station, the excitement grew rapidly as we could see the colourful bright lights of Disneyland beside the park..but we still had one final obstacle to be countered, that was to find our hotel..we asked an officer at the station and gave the hotel address, asking whether it was possible for us to walk there..he was shocked and fastly shooked his head, saying we had to take a bus 44 there..i hesitated at first, how do we know where to stop then?I had my worries again and it was already near 10 pm..so we decided to take a cab there..

we got into a cab after having a hard time finding one..on the way I was worried to death n nearly had my panic attack, the road was so unfamiliar n it felt like we were heading nowhere as there were endless bushes n trees at both side of the road..no building or houses..i started to have my doubt on the driver..

he doesn’t look like a decent man..wut if he drops us somewhere in the bushes, robs us, takes everything, or even does something bad to us (u know wut it is..)..he’s so capable of doing that to us..he’s a big guy..

I was so near to cry n started praying n continuously reciting selawat in my heart..the journey seemed endless..we were both in our own thots n kept silence..finally I saw a signboard ‘Meaux-Mareuil’ and few familiar signboards after that..relieved?hell no..i was not going to be until I safely reached the place..moments later we came about to pass an area of hotels and from far I saw the sign ‘Hotel Akena’ (I hate it to mention this hotel, and the thot of it even more)..he dropped us there and we paid the fair (mahal giler..i knew it he would higher the tariff when we first took the cab)..we got in the hotel, checked in n rushed to the room..i couldn’t think of anything at that moment, I just want the nite to pass over quickly, get out of this hotel as soon as possible n find another hotel in Paris, but I knew that was partly possible..we were tired, of the journey and the worries..

After settling everything down, I was lying in the comfortable duvet, thinking of the plan of finding another place, considering the consequences and all..there was a quick muhasabah session of myself, maybe we did a hasty decision of staying at this hotel (we did, because we were in the middle of exams when we booked the hotel), and we didn’t take enough precautions I guess..i learnt that I must know a place well before going to one, at least I must have a map of the place, not just the map of the places of interest, but the whole place..n I also learnt that there are ups and downs in life, He arranged such plans for us to continuously remembering Him, not just in our bad times..i laughed at myself of my foolishness, why was I so careless in making decision..n I thot of whether these are the things that I’m going to laugh about one day, if I survived it..

I hoped I would..

I slept with hopes that the next day was going to be a better one for us..

…..

few days in France i found out that TICKET = billet in French..hehe..marked!

before the getaway

i believe in God
i believe in miracle
i believe in God that deals the miracle!

the night i posted my last one here, ruminating on my problem on money, something amazing happened!the next morning my dreamless sleep was interrupted by the sound of my handphone at the side of my bed..familiar voice at the other end, it was K.Ina..i used to babysit her 3 children during my spring break last year in Sligo..we exchanged greetings n news n i knew she needed my help at that moment, as much as i needed hers..she was going to sit for her Part 2 exam in the next 2 days n she was searching for someone to look after her children during her time in Dublin..perfect!though i only had 3 more days before i fly to Paris (and i still had my preparation for it unfinished!) i thot this is my last chance of earning extra money for my tour, and also i missed the children so damn much!last time i saw them was like a year a go, n of course children grow very fast, i was so shocked when i saw them after they arrived in Dublin that nite esp. Nadia, when i left her she was 4/5 months old n now she's hugee...very chubby and sweet girl, easy to take care of n i simply love her..Hadi n Hakim as usual being the naughty big brothers with their newly and still adapting english speaking (children, they amazingly learn very fast, esp on language)..

3 days n 2 nites spending my whole time with them (of course Yani was on duty too :p n K.Ana Fariza helped, she missed them too--she also used to babysit them once, much more longer than i did) i was quite tired of all the chasing, the midnite wakening n all but it was quite worth it as i had my good moments actually despite the crying n missing their mama's moments..hehe..n now i missed 'em already..i miss Nadia..children, they're addictive i tell ya...K.Ina safely sat for her exam, my prayer goes to her, i hope she pass with good results and thankx to people in 23B York Road for letting me, Yani n the children cramped in their big living room..the idea of having a small, cold basement house (or should i call it a mini-house?) is not a very good idea for children..and the kindness of those people really made it possible for us to survive those 2 nites (kindness is to be passed on, it really is)..hehe..plus the episodes of watching DVDs (i think i've watched every Disney cartoon film in 3 days stay with the kids) and i also watched the LOTR1 n 2 again n fell in love with Aragorn for another God-knows how many times..haha..kiddin..(damn that old groovy man)

the nite K.Ina and Abg Nazir went back to Sligo, i was back in my house, sorting everything out..i was nervous to death for this trip actually, as i am going to some other places with people rarely speak english and i'm going with Yani only..2 girls with hijab covering their heads wandering around in foreign places, i see no problem with that actually, but still there are precautions to be considered..who knows wut would happen rite?n i realized that this is my only chance to practise my French which is so much rusty now..they say the best way to learn a language is to be at the country itself..n that's incredibly true..i'll write more on this in my review of the tour later..

i slept late that nite...the next day i was up early to pack my stuff n get ready for the day..i went out to see K.Maria, she went back to PMC (Penang Medical College) for her other 2/3 years in med school the next day (i'm gonna miss her)..i bought some of her books for my 3rd Med (using the money i earned earlier, thank God for it, Alhamdulillah..) n i had my problem settled on one thing=books!straight after that i went to buy stuff for the tour, esp food (salami, junk food) n rushed home..

wut happened after that?u'll just have to wait for my next entry i guess..i'm tired now n i'm gonna have a good nite sleep now..

..-=no title=-..

I am bad in managing my free times, so bad that I think all my so-called best laid plans that I did before the exam turned out to be wut they are not supposed to be..i think I’m the kind of person that’s really comfortable when my time is scheduled by other people, like the one back in high school where the administrators did all the schedules for you, woke up at 6 (yeah yeah when u’re in form 5 u’ll wake up at 6.45 or even 7 when the bell’s gonna be rung at 7.15) and headed to class knowing that every coming second is fixed and your name gonna be taken by the prefect on duty if u’re even 5 minutes off schedules..i guess I’m so used being that way that right now I’m facing my hard times to really fixing my own schedules and keep them running on time..bad eh?

In my last entry I mentioned of writing about wut happened in my past 2/3 months..believe it or not that I already forgotten all things that I wanted to write about ..haha this whole holiday stuff really makes my head rusty..i think I’ll just keep them away for a while and continue writing on other stuff..yeah when I finally remember them I’ll write them down here..dun worry..

My holiday..my rommie Arnee once told me “cuti pun susah jugak sebab nak kene pikir ape nak buat..kalau tak cuti senang jek tak yah pikir..belajar jek..”..hehe I found that opinion to be correct!!I think after spending these initial 2 weeks of my holidays, I’ve been wasting my times so much..all my initial plans ruined by the instant plan made in a day..i’ve been jumping on one book to another, not sticking to one book at all and without any comprehension of any..mind you, they’re not in any way connected to medical books aa..hehe..but the only thing I do that really is in my plan is WATCHING TV AND VCDs AND DVDs…huh I have a hellavu times doing those things..i went to my friends’ places and watch some..at home I watch many2 dvd and vcd that I didn’t have the chance to watch before the exam..kekadang tu rasa boring la jugak..maybe I have to make schedule for my entertainment and doing other things..then I would be enjoying this purest holiday better…

N yeah this holiday, there have been so many invitations for potlucks and parties and all other means of people getting together, mostly done by my dearest classmates..i really had my good times and impressively I also master cooking some stuff..for the past three days I’ve been making popia for like 30-60 in a day to bring to my friends’ potluck and party..i told Mak and she said “apsal tak bukak bisnes catering je..dapat duit lebih sket..” hehe good idea but I’ll have to reconsider it for that I bring the popiah to my friends as my gift to them..huh talking bout money, I remember that I still haven’t done making my budget for my tour to paris-amsterdam-brussels..i actually short of money for this tour but as all tickets and accommodations are already booked so I can’t back down now..i called the reception in clonkeagh mosque asking if they have any work for me to do on daily basis, but it turned out that they have nil..anyone who’s reading this..any job for me to do???I ought to earn some extra money!!

Last night I finished watching all the appendices that come in 2 cd in the LOTR extended version dvd set..mm yeah it is the first one, the fellowship of the ring..i learned all stuff they did in turning the Tolkien’s book into a movie, how they did the shootings, the make overs, WETA factory (this one impressed me most!it is like the movie, willy wonka and the chocolate factory, like Elijah Wood said), the sound efx, the miniatutes and the big-atures, basically, all things of this movie captured me inside out..damn I am so much absorbed to the movie now..i guess it is the greatest from book-to reality type of movie..i watched Frank Herbert’s Dune and Children of the Dune, but this one straightly goes on top of it..and yes VIGGO MORTENSEN, the lord Aragorn, he captured my heart too..haha..i want the Aragorn-type of man, a loyal partner that sticks to his initial lover eventhough other woman succumbed to his feet..(and also for his other good inner quality too..apsal la dia ni kafir..haha)

Lelaki baik untuk perempuan yang baik..mesti yakin pada janji Allah s.w.t..

I hold that principle in my heart and keep hoping that it will become a reality, Insya-Allah..and I hope to keep watching over myself to be a good person so that I will find one good man for me..janji Allah..mesti yakin!!ecewah tersemangat pulak..back to the LOTR story..huh I remembered that I used to be hating this movie once, when everyone was talking about it when it came out..plain me, I always go for things that people don’t really go crazy for..that is why I insist of not watching this movie until last few months when the dvd came to my house..i guess it was quite a perfect timing when I discover the movie as I’ve got to watch the full LOTR trilogy at once..(the third one came a little bit late as I only got the vcd sent to me when my other friends have watched it more than twice..it was OK..i preferred watching it at home alone in the dark..the feeling’s there..hehe)..n yeah plain me again, if I am into something, I really dig deep..and I am digging deep into the LOTR now..last nite before going to sleep I tried to continue reading my current book (Till We Meet Again by Lesley Pearse, borrowed from Diana) but I couldn’t stop thinking of the Tolkien’s book..so I made a promise to myself that I can only read Tolkien’s book after I finish reading this book..one big matter, I don’t have any money to buy one!again, MONEY IS THE ROOT OF MY EVERY PROBLEM..i have to put that one in the waiting list..it costs like 30euro in Hughes&Hughes Bookstore..i want it badly…(*_*)

And last nite also, I went to sleep with this weird dream, my old friend came to my house to meet me (the funny thing is dia datang kat rumah lama kat terengganu dulu..weird, everytime I dream of home, it is this home that appear, my house in Dungun, Terengganu where I grew up and spent my childhood times, I only moved to KL when I finished primary school..maybe I miss those sweet childhood memories that they appear in my dreams..hehe)..dia datang, how I missed that face..maybe I missed the Aragorn-type of perfection..maybe I missed my perfect dream person that happened to be imperfect to me now..funny how people evolved thru times..

I have a list of greater responsibilities that I have to handle, n why does my mind still mingles on this one small unimportant matter..good Lord give me strength to move on..