nervous ke?

I was not in the mood of continuing the tale of my 8-days journeys since the last entry..n certainly not now! maybe later when I find the perfect mood n the perfect timing..i also have a list of things that I remembered I wanted to give my comments about before my last exam (that I said I forgot, now I’ve regained the memories back!!)..most of ‘em are about my decisions of things, and how the decisions go from there, affecting my life..later later..

Rite now I am so nervous..my heart’s pumping like I just finished a 100meters sprint..(wuish remember those times in school when I had to do the 60meters run in a range of time to get points for the house—all of us did, n I struggled so much to do it, coz I never meant to be a sprinter!!athlete endurance maybe..certainly not a sprinter)..i can’t keep myself to calm down..why?huh silly reason..because I’m gonna start my new term tomorrow!!!might sound silly to some, not for me..i felt like I was going to enter my first year in med school again..the same nervousness..of the things that are going to happen to me, which are the things that I’m not sure wut they are…err bad sentence..never mind..but it’s true..this new term is not like another term I had before, coz it’s gonna totally be in a different place, not in college anymore but I’m gonna have my lessons in a hospital!!can you believe it??I finally reached this level that I always dreamt myself to be in, doing the ward rounds, talking to the patients while taking their history (history of the illnesses they’re having..med stuff)..cam tak caya..tapi kene caya..believing or not believing, I still have to face it, n it’s starting in a matter of hours..

Risau..will I survive it??

During my Early Patient Contact Programmes in First Med, I had some experiences on these stuff..I have to admit that I am bad in coping wut a patient tries to say when it comes to one on one conversations..maybe I am more on getting to understand one’s feelings than getting the details of the things he’s talking about (it’s different from the lecture environment where u have one lecturer standing in front n u’re listening with hundreds other people)..n yeah I’m more to please someone I talk to I guess (then I should be an entertainer, not a doctor..too late for that :P)..i realized this earlier during the programme and slowly I’m trying to change my way of thinking..for this matter, I think I might be facing some problems in my earlier classes (subject: Medicine Surgery) but it relieves me to think that when I do face one, I already know why…

I just finished talking to K.Siti Hajar on the phone, asking whether I can borrow her book, which she didn’t have actually..she detected my nervousness I guess, asking me to take everything calmly..was I being too transparent??was it my voice that showed it all..i dunno...as a matter of fact I am nervous and that’s y I’m keeping myself away from people (my other housemates), so that I’m not affecting them in any way, of my nervousness..

K.Siti: relax dulu..enjoy..jangan gabra sangat..awal lagi ni nak gabra…
Me: saya rela gabra dulu enjoy kemudian…
K.Siti: buat macam K.Siti, enjoy je setiap masa…
Me: K.Siti lain….

Memang lain pun..she impresses me by her way of thinking..i truly think that K.Siti is a real meant-to-be-a-doctor kind of person..she’s calm in everything she does..sempoi, I read her..tak kesah pasal hal2 yg tak relevan dgn kehidupan dia dan tak relevan dgn Islam…I wish I have that way of thinking…but I’m not her..n I know that..and I’m always like that..i’ll be so nervous on a thing before it happens, the nervousness is like an alarm for me that urges me to do my preparations, and the ‘enjoying’ episodes come later...

Takpela..belum cuba belum tau…who knows this year is going to be my year..

Fuh..i’m a little relieved now..i guess I’ll just have to pray hard to be having a good head start for this term...O’ Allah, I pray for your guides and clear pathways for my new term..ameen…

Segala puji bagi Allah, Tuhan yang mentadbir sekelian alam, aku mulakan term baru dengan lafaz BISMILLAHIRRAHMANIRRAHIM…