Kisah Kusut

I keep on repeating this in my daily prayers, "Ya Allah keluarkan aku dari kekusutan ini, sesunguhnya Engkaulah yg Maha Mengetahui." Again and again and again. The fact is I am indeed very very kusut for 2 days now since I enter Obs & Gynae. My partner is a whiner by nature. Adding to that, she has the greatest Mohamad-ophobia ever, I dunno whether this is one of her atheist agenda of confusing me or what, I kept on tersepit between her anti-Arab stories. Why tersepit? Because some of her whining stories are true, she was just smart enough to pick on few anak2 orang kaya dr negara minyak yg sgt spoilt, and baaam just do her generalization on the whole race and religion. I hate hate hate to be in this situation where I am boiling to say a lot of things but I just have to use a lot of patience on this type of resistant, resilient, cold-hearted, stubborn people with no religion to hold on their judgement to. And the fact that she's reaaally nice to me adding more confusion in my head, coz they don't see this as a religion issue, it's just another separation of religion and race, whereas there's no such thing to us! Muslims are always ONE, we are borderless.

Today my temperature went up again when a few of them kept going on and on and on about stuff I don't wanna hear, I left coz I can't afford this strange sickness. If you wanna know, this is one of the ultimate reasons I'm leaving home for good after graduation, they say if u can't correct 'em, leave. Well, that's what I intend to do. 5 years of mounting sickness, I don't have that strong stomach.

Any suggestions how to deal with this? I'm only in my first week, I'll be getting hypertension with my hair turning grey by the end of 8th weeks if this keeps going. Help...

p/s: read this, it is as kusut as myself. why is the world so kusut now?? is it just me? please don't say it's just me..

being cautious is relevant

I'm grateful that one of my friends reminded me about Haddad Alwi & Sulis collections few hours ago. I have been exploring this issue myself for quite sometimes now. I'm not in the position of labelling people, and I know we have to be very vigilant in soaking our feet in this area.

Muslims in my college originate from different parts of the world, some places you wouldn't even think of. But I guess the main essence is to respect each others beliefs and finding common-grounds; with a definite line to rule our judgements, rather than pointing out the differences. At this time when Islam becomes a fitnah to the world, what hopes can we hold on to other than embracing Allah SWT and His Messenger P.B.U.H, and most importantly, sticking together as Muslims.

I found this article in relation to what I'm talking about, am not gonna leave you puzzled of course.

Again, jzkk for keeping me alert. I'm still learning.

it takes 30 to waste a precious hour

1. star sign?
I don't do horoscopes (haram OK!)

2. last went out?
To Mercer G.P for 2 classes this morning, last day of G.P rotation. Sigh..

3. song listening now?
Ya Thoibah by Haddad Alwi & Sulis, reminds me of Maryam Dashti. She introduced me to this song.

4. before this song?
Lagu Kedamaian by Brothers, again. (and again)

5. what were you doing before this?
Was giving Garfield his daily Whiskas (cats know the difference..)

6. doing now?
Answering you.

7. hurt before?
Papercuts, they hurt!

8. last time cried?
Hmm.

9. movies watched?
Not recently. Oh well I watched the end bit of Moulin Rouge two days ago, part that I've missed last year.

10. heart broken?
On Feb 23rd (yesterday), in commemorating the deportation of Chechens to Siberia. It was the World Chechnya Day yesterday if u don't know.

11. trusted someone?
Of course.

12. fall in love again?
Why again? I only do once.

13. next big event?
O.B.G.Y.N in The Coombe Hospital for 2 months. We'll see.

14. best game ever played?
Madagascar on Naqib's Gameboy. He he, am not up to any challenge when it comes to video/pc/nintendo games.

15. languages you can understand?
Malay, English. Good Indonesian, moderate French, some Arabic, little Spanish.

16. places you wanna go rite now?
Cyprus/Greece/Turkey, desperately!

17. currently doing?
No repetition of question please, that's cheating.

18. houses visited?
Few in the neighbourhood, patient's house when doing home visit last week.

19. can u sing?
3 consecutive years of Talent Time in school, those were the days. (that I don't want to remember, so embarassing *_*)

20. hungry?
Nope.

21. last thing consumed?
Baguette avec thon et remoulade. So much for the love of French cuisine.

22. first thing you wanna do after your exam?
Go for a short break, somewhere relaxing.

23. best holiday spot?
Al-Andalus, Spain.

24. the things you did there?
Treasure the great history of Islam in Spain.

25. got a secret?
Lots.

26. best story ever read?
Khassan Baiev's 'The Oath'.

27. song you're listening to now?
Ya Robbi bil Mustafa by Haddad Alwi & Sulis, I could vaguely imagine the kids sing the song with Haddad Alwi. Blessed with pure hearts, hmm.

28. gonna cut your hair?
Err?

29. ever written a song?
Takde masa.

30. what are you gonna do after this?
Publish this entry, obviously.

of (everything)

It's a shame to leave the place in desolation, but u say sometimes silence is golden. I have not been extremely busy, neither was I idled. That put me in a state of being very restless. I need a break just for pure mind-rest. Though the rotation is not heavy, my four lobes up there hasn't stopped working since I enter the second half of the 4th year league. I need to control myself, get a grip woman!

Yesterday I ransacked the box of junks under my bed and found the EUR200-off holiday voucher I got last year when I purchased the Sony-Ericsson mobilephone. I googled the list of holiday packages I'm entitled to only to be disappointed when most of them suit couples better than a group of friends.

I mind-vowed myself to get a husband this summer and go for the holidays when I return for Final Med.

Geez, you must be puking green now.

Kidding, I was.

I just need a break, a mind-break.

Kisah Syahrul

I remember when I first set foot on Polonia Medan Airport last July for my first humanitarian mission in Acheh, I was humming the nasyeed "Lagu Kedamaian" (by Brothers) as it played in my mind at that time, again and again. When I got into the van Zy asked me "Nyanyi lagu apa tu K.Shu?" and I smiled, I wasn't sure myself to be honest. It was a spontaneous subconscious impulse that took me nearly half a year later to realize that it was that song that came through my mind.

So I would like to share with you a story about a boy I met in Acheh.

On our second night in Meulaboh we set up an in-house clinic. Many Suak Timah-ians came that night, some came straight from the mosque after the Isya' prayer with their telekungs and cute jilbabs. I was already with my second or third patients when this boy came, I saw him parking his bike (gerek or speda in Acheh) outside the premise. He came in cheerfully in his light green baju melayu and kain pelikat which he wore across his shoulder and chest, gave salaam and smiled broadly showing his white set of teeth. Jotting down his name and age; Syahrul, 15 years old, normal looking boy, he's a bit small for his age, I mean a little too small for 15. So I took one corner of the long isle to speak with him, he told me he couldn't hear clearly after a large piece of wood banged his left side of face when he was drifted in the flood during the Tsunami. I finished assessing his medical history fairly quickly so while waiting for referral to the experts (the doctors) I grabbed my chance to do my personal assessment on him. I wanted to ask more on his Tsunami experience but he seemed more interested in my plastic of sweets I had with me and ignored my questions. I gave him some sweets and used other decent approach to my question, just in case he was offended by it. I knew I was being a bit pushy at that time but my intrusiveness became dominant when thinking why wouldn't this boy share his experience with me when other kids would pour everything out. What's his Tsunami side of story? I was wrong for being nosy, but I was defeated by my curiosity.

It was until he said, "Saya malu kak.."

Paused.

"Mengapa perlu malu? Syahrul ngak percaya sama kakak?" I said in my juvenile Indonesian slang.

He denied, smiled and put on a shy face. He spoke to a kid next to him in Acheh language. I then asked his friend what did he say.

"Dia kata dia orang miskin, jadi kerna itu dia malu," said the little friend in hesitant.

I paused again. Had a quick glance to myself, no I was not wearing nice clothes, just a simple long sleeve t-shirt and an old track-bottom. Oh shoot, maybe it was the wristwatch on my hand. My brain raced tried to reply with something acceptably nice.

"Kakak pun bukannya orang kaya juga, tapi kitakan semua inshaAllah sudah kaya dengan Tuhan dan agama kita kan?" I tried to give my best shot. I knew it wasn't.

"Tapikan mahu juga dirasai kebahagiaan itu.." He replied. I tried to search a good line for that too.

"Tapi kitakan orang Islam, kalau kita ada Islam, ada Allah SWT, dengan berkat kesabaran kita inshaAllah kebahagiaan itu pasti akan datang," easy for me to say, I know. I was out of lines.

He gave a bitter smile, "Iya..iya..tapi kebahagiaan dunia itu mahu dikecapi juga kan.." he said wryly.

This time I tried to divert him from the topic, did not want to elaborate his agony. I cursed myself for interrogating at the first place. What does he understand about 'kebahagiaan dunia' when he got his house destroyed by the flood, his family drifted away before his sight. I then brought him for a special ENT consultation with Dr Din and followed with his medications at the pharmacy booth. Lastly, before he left I put a handful of sweets in his medication plastic and gave it to him.

"Kamu mesti banyak bersabar, taat pada Allah, banyakkan mengaji Al-Quran, jaga adik-adik kamu ya.." I couldn't say anything better.

He went home in his gerek/speda.

I saw him again for few times the next day or two.

mengapa tangisan itu
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adakah tiada siapa peduli..