endless tiredness

my body aches, i can feel the dull unlocalized pain that seems to be evrywhere in evry inches of my skin..i'm tired, so tired and there's no word to describe the feelings i'm having now..it's like thousands of blunt needles prickling under my skin and i'm so tired that i can't stop them..sometimes i feel that i've reached my limit and it feels like finding the dead end of this journey but words echo thru my ears that i pick up evry pieces that's shattered and put 'em back together, though they seemed to be impossible

...i've chosen this path and there is no way back..i've been dreaming to do this since before and i've foreseen the consequences of my choice..i was ready to face all the consequences and i should be ready now when they finally came..i become my parents' pride and i am their one hope in their ailing days..i can't quit now..i simply can't...

i miss those nice smells from the kitchen of my mom's cooking..
i miss those nagging of my mom asking me to help her with the dishes..
i miss those times when everybody gathers around the table grabbing for food..
i miss those times when my sister scolded my brother for eating much, too much..
i miss those times when mom told us it is ok for him to be eating much, it's His gift for our family...
i miss those delicate hands of my mom feeding me when i sat beside her, pampering myself..
i miss those jealous look on my other siblings of the thing i'm doing..
i miss those times when mom had to top up the rice for couple of times when she finally had to feed us all with her hands...
i miss everything of my past..i miss my home so so much that it hurts me deeply inside..

"Tidak ada sesuatu musibahpun yang menimpa seseorang kecuali dengan izin Allah, dan barangsiapa yang beriman kpd Allah, nescaya Dia akan memberi petunjuk kepada hatinya. Dan Allah Maha Mengetahui segala sesuatu" -(At-Taghaabun:11)