Monday, 10 May 04

***
Location: PDA
Venue: Accident & Emergency Dept. Beaumont Hosp

1.15pm: took 1 tablet of Ibuprofen 400g, immediately: puffy face, itchy eyes, small swellings all over eyes, redness all over the face

around 1.30pm: went to A&E, accompanied by Aida, registered and about 15 minutes later I was called in. At this time, massive swellings all over eyes, I could barely see people around me, only sounds heard

Later, (at this time I've already lost my sense of time), the nurse took my BP and pulse while taking my history, then he brought me inside, got me a chair to sit. I waited for a while and moments later a nice lady Doctor came and asked me some questions, while the nurse stuck a needle at the dorsum of my left hand to initiate a passage for him to put drugs thru it. My soft palate and throat were a bit swollen at that time, and the swellings around my eyes worsen with fluids weeping out of them.

The doctor came back to take my past medical history and later she gave me two injections of clear fluids (I suggest that would be Hydrocortisone) and one yellow tablet, an anti-histamine I guess (looks like a Piriton tablet) and she left me alone on this seat, telling me I had to stay here for a while for them to monitor my progress. Did I mentioned that few minutes after I was injected with the drugs, I could really feel the movement of the drugs thru my veins, to my trunk obviously going towards the heart and at that time I felt really sick and I felt like vomiting. I kept telling myself not to make things worst and tried to fight the feelings and be strong.

At that time I started writing these things on my PDA, just to keep myself occupied. I was then interrupted by few nurses that happened to be passing by me, asking me if I needed anything and that lady doctor came once or twice asking me how was I doing. Then, another nurse came, introduced herself (Dorothy, or Patricia, I was so lost in space, I didn't get het name) and asked if she could take my BP and pulse once again, and later she left the device they use on my digit to monitor my pulse, HR and might be my oxygen level also (I forgot the name, is it pulse oximeter?) and left me alone again. While waiting I could feel that the swelling at the back of my throat was a bit reduced and I could breathe a lot more easy.

***
I stopped there when my PDA’s battery went out. Left me unoccupied, drowsy (side effect of the anti-histamine) and boring. I couldn’t really remember the events that happened after that in the chronological order. And yes the lady nurse’s name was Olivia, now I remember it. She asked me to follow her coz she needed to give me one shot of a drug. She took me to the toilet, and injected me at my left thigh (one fact about me: I’m kind of immune to needle sticks, I could bear most needle stick that penetrates thru me, coz I had the worst one before). And did I mention that the whole time I was there in that ward initially, I couldn’t really see anyone that was talking to me, even the doctors or the nurses, my eyes were severely swollen that I had to lift up my upper eyelid to see. So what I did was I recognized the shoes of people that was talking to me, so when someone stopped in front of me, I checked on his shoes, if they were the ones that I recognized then only I lifted up my head and struggled to see who it was.

I got phone calls from my friends; Yani, Shikin and Aida, asking me how was I doing. And also many text messages from other friends; Ean, Ailani (Ai was so scared, she was the one who gave me the Ibuprofen (Nurofen) that I took after my lunch. It wasn’t her fault, it wasn’t anyone’s fault, this kind of things happen whether you like it or not). Many thanks for those who sent their thoughts and concerns, really appreciate them a lot.

As I couldn’t see, I tried to open up my ears to make myself noticed what was happening around me. Behind me there was an old lady screaming when a doctor tried to take her blood, I pitied the doctor. From his accent, I figured out he wasn’t a local Irishman, and it was proven true as when he tried to bring the old lady to chat with him, he said he’s from Jordan. It was so pro of him to do what he did, after a while the lady was calmed by him, and he managed to take the blood needed from her veins. And I also noticed one lady doctor who wore a scarf, not really a proper hijab, but clear enough to show that she’s a Muslim. I was amazed by her accent, she was so fluent and she has that sort of Irish conversation with the patients, and that really helped her to get the patients to be comfortable with her and eased her job in treating her patients. I wonder does that one comes with practises or was it her natural brilliant tongue. I guess if u want to be a good doctor in Ireland u just have to catch that kind of slang.

Another thing that I found to be true that was taught in the last Patient Centred Communication lecture was: most Irish like to find common ground with the one they’re talking to. This lady who was sitting beside me, she asked about the place of origin of most people that happened to pass beside her, even the nurses and the doctors, and when she did, she asked whether they knew this and that person who lives there. Luckily my eyes were badly swollen that I never made any eye contact with anyone. J and did I mention that I had a glimpse of my reflection on the screen of my PDA, gosh I looked like a monster with ballooned face, or better to be a Japanese lady who’s been punched at her eyes. Luckily again there were no children there, or they’ll be crying seeing my monstrous face.

I was starving, I just knew that the shot I got at my thigh was adrenaline, which gave me the starvation. There was a man who came with a trolley of food and drinks, asking me whether I wanted to eat bread and sausages if I’m not mistaken. I asked him did he have anything for vegetarian, but I didn’t think he had any, so I refused his offers. He did offer me tea or anything else, and again I refused them all. I could hardly see anything so how was I going to feed myself. At that particular time, the emotions were unbearable. U know, u being sick like that, and hungrier as u never eat, and u simply cannot eat because u couldn’t see the food, and there was no one there to accompany and feed u. But I kept telling myself to be strong, this is like the tiniest thing compared to that poor man over there on the ventilator machine, or even this man beside me who had been sitting on his chair for the past 24 hours straight without any sleep, and thousands of times smaller than what my friend Cill had been going through (keep on surviving Cill, and keep on inspiring people with your true strength).

So I grabbed anything from the front zip of my bag, pieces of chocolates that I didn’t finish eating and ate them all to give me the sugar rush. Moments later Aida, Ean and Ailani came in the ward to visit me. I was so delighted to see them, and they were so shocked to see my face. By that time the swellings were a bit lessen and I can open my eyes a bit without having to retract ‘em using my fingers.

Memangla muka ko macam Jepun kene tumbuk, sepet gile..
Diana kirim salam ‘Goldfish’. Masa aku hantar ko kat counter tadi last time aku tgk ko before aku pusing aku nampak ko macam goldfish, muke merah pastu mata bengkak gila.. (Aida)

I laughed. At least I still had someone to make me. Ailani gave me my favourite crisp, Ripples as her condolences and Ean asked me whether she could get me anything. They were all sorry of me. I personally asked them to go back first and don’t be bothered to wait for me, saying that I could manage this on my own. But yeah deep down inside I actually hoped for someone to be there with me. But I knew I didn’t have anyone that close to me here in Dublin that I dare to ruin her evening to accompany me here in the ward. Many friends, yeah, but a close one, no. I just have to live with that, I guess, though it seems so hard on me.

The evening crawled so slowly, I managed to keep myself occupied with some lecture notes (yes, I’m a nerd). I asked Olivia how much longer do I had to be there and she said maybe another couple of hours as she had to monitor my swelling. Until one doctor came, checking on my eyes and he said that he just need to give me another shot of Hydrocortisone and he also had to give me Nebulizer to clear my airways. So at 2100 hours I was on Nebulizer (my first experience of this) and later he came to give me the shot. Then, he gave me the prescription note and told me I can go back after the Nebulizer supply stopped. I managed to tell one nurse when it finally stopped and she got the IV infusion line off my hand. I was then ready to go back home at about 2115 hours.

It was funny as I was wearing this nice classy shades (Oyah’s) to hide my still swollen eyes all the way back home though it was already dark outside. Luckily there weren’t many people out on the street at that time. (tak pasal kene chop gile). Reaching home, I ate my dinner and ready for bed. Faha had her gala time laughing at my funny face and snap few photos. (cheh). I got text messages from Ailani, Ean and Aida later asking me whether I was home already or not. At that time the emotions poured out, I couldn’t bear them anymore. You know it’s funny how this simple thing gives u the chance to evaluate people, who’s a friend and who’s not, and who’s a friend friend and who’s a caring friend. Who’s a friend who just have fun with u and who’s a friend who worries for u when u got sick.

And before going to bed I let it all out of me. Old memories came back to me, making my swollen eyes to a no better condition. I could clearly remember how Asilah ran to my room back in KC when she knew that I got sick (me and the whole gang got terribly sick of food poisoning, Asilah and Syida was the only survivors). How she told me stories of her having a fight with the makcik kantin who refused to cook porridge for us, and how Syida patiently fed us the porridge when we lost our appetite on food and nearly dehydrated, and how they called our parents telling them that we got sick, and how they went to our rooms checking for our conditions each time after their classes finished. Gosh I missed those times when u left with friends that cared for u that much, that u felt like they are the friends u’ll never had again in life. And it is true, they are. I miss them so much that my heart aches from it.

Tuhan, Kau limpahi kasih sayangMu ke atas sahabat sahabatku yang mengasihiMu dan mengasihi hubungan yang terjalin keranaMu..