gloomy day?

today ended up badly..i'm not in the mood of telling it..just felt a lil light on the head after letting myself go on this one...BAD BAD BAD GURL!!!!sometimes i dun really know whether i'm doing the rite/wrong thing..for me, according to my still-working brain, i was doing the rite thing, but to look from the etiquette side of view, it will never be a rite thing!!!!!damn it i felt like crying but suddenly i realized i've to be strong on this one, i really have to!!i'm not the ol' person they knew b4..luckily i had somebody to back me up from behind (that might be a sign for me that i was right at the first place!i guess my INTENTION was rite but i took my wrong ACTION to prove it...damn it!!!!!!hate myself for that one)..

REJAB are coming again and i was lucky to have one friend to make me notice of this month of blesses (thanks!)..but i regret it that i still not fully using my times, taking the month for granted, in fact this year's rejab (or any month b4) is the most pathetic one for me, not like before like in high school where i usually tried to fast as many days as i could, filling my times making myself closer to Him..but not this year..not in this particular year..dear God forgive me for wut i am...

''oh Tuhan syahdu nian maya-Mu ini namun syahdu lagi cinta-Mu.."

---searching for my soul...